Anter
- 1. Pono ʻoe e ʻike i kahi kākāʻōlelo maikaʻi
- 2. Pono ʻoe me kāu wahine e wehe i ka hele
- 3. Pono nā kāne e hele mau a mau
- 4. I kekahi manawa hele a hewa nā mea ma mua o ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana
- 5. E hoʻomanawanui ʻoe
ʻO ka mea kākau kūʻai maikaʻi ʻo Gary Chapman i hoʻokuʻu i kahi puke i nā makahiki i hala aku nei i kapa ʻia ʻO nā kau ʻehā o ka male ʻana.
ʻO ke kumu, wehewehe ia i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo e hele nā male āpau i nā hoʻololi a me nā hoʻololi; he mea maʻamau ka loaʻa ʻana o nā manawa ke manaʻo ʻoe e ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kou pilina me kāu wahine ma mua o ka wā ma mua a ʻo kekahi hoʻi i mau manawa ke noʻonoʻo ʻoe inā e mau ana kāu hui.
Hiki iā ʻoe ke hele i ka pūnaewele o ka puke e hoʻāʻo ai e ʻike “i ke kau hea ʻoe”. Akāʻoiaʻiʻo, inā makemake ʻoe e hana i nā mea āpau e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hānai i kāu male, pono ʻoe e hana i nā mea hou aʻe ma mua o ka lawe ʻana i kahi quiz pūnaewele. He manaʻo maikaʻi nō hoʻi e kiʻi i kahi ʻōlelo aʻo aʻoaʻo male.
Inā ka manaʻo o ke koho ʻana no ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo no ka male a i ʻole ke ʻike aku nei i ke kākāʻōlelo male a i ʻole ka mea hoʻoponopono e hōʻoluʻolu ʻole iā ʻoe (e ʻōlelo i ka mea liʻiliʻi), maopopo ia.
Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i ʻike pilikino i kekahi poʻe e hiki ke hōʻoiaʻiʻo i nā pono ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo o ka male e hele pū me ka ʻike ʻana i kahi kākāʻōlelo aʻoaʻo, noʻonoʻo paha ʻoe inā:
- A) e hana ana ia nāu, a
- B) inā e hōʻoia i ka lilo ʻana o ka manawa a me ke kālā.
ʻAʻole mākou e wahaheʻe iā ʻoe. ʻAʻole wikiwiki ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a ka male ʻana. Akā inā ʻoe makemake e hoʻāʻo, aia nui nā maikaʻi i hiki ke puka i waho ke kaʻina aʻoaʻo aʻoaʻo male. He mea ʻole i ke kau hea kou pilina.
ʻO ka mea e hana ʻia i nā kau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo male e noho maoli i kēlā kau. No laila inā he makaʻu ʻoe i kekahi ʻē aʻe e ʻike e pili ana i kāu mau pilikia pilikino hiki iā ʻoe ke hilinaʻi i ka ʻaelike hoʻomanawanui-therapist.
ʻO ka lōʻihi a me ka helu o nā kau aʻoaʻo aʻoaʻo male ʻana a ʻolua e hele aku nei e pili ana i ka mokuʻāina o kāu pili i kēia manawa.
E hōʻoia wale ma mua o ka ʻike ʻana i kahi kākāʻōlelo male e mālama ai ʻoe i kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻo a ka male aʻe:
1. Pono ʻoe e ʻike i kahi kākāʻōlelo maikaʻi
ʻO kekahi o nā anuu mua i ka ʻōlelo aʻo male ke loaʻa nei i ke kākāʻōlelo kūpono. E like me kāu kaʻa e pono ai i ka mīkini mekanika kūpono, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke kau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo hua e like me ke kākāʻōlelo alakaʻi iā ia. No laila, e lawe i ka manawa e hana ai i kahi noiʻi.
Maikaʻi mau nā mea kuhikuhi. Akā inā ʻaʻole ʻoe ʻike pilikino i kekahi e hiki ke ʻōlelo i ke kākāʻōlelo, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana i kahi ʻenekini huli e ʻike i nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ma kou wahi. E hōʻoia wale nō ua laikini ʻia lākou a hiki nō hoʻi iā lākou ke hāʻawi iā ʻoe me nā mea i hoʻouna ʻia ma mua o 3-5 a ke noi ʻia nei.
Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻimi no ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo male a me nā ʻohana ma o nā papa kuhikuhi kaulana a hilinaʻi hoʻi e ʻike ai i kahi hiʻohiʻona huli therapist, e like me:
- Kakau inoa aupuni o nā therapist aloha male
- Papa Kuhikuhi referral institute ʻo Gottman
- ʻO ka hui ʻAmelika o ka male a me nā ʻohana therapists ʻohana (AAMFT) papa kuhikuhi huli mea hoʻoponopono
International kikowaena no ka poʻokela ma ka manaʻo-hoʻomālama therapy (ICEEFT)
2. Pono ʻoe me kāu wahine e wehe i ka hele
Hoʻokahi kumu no ke aha e holo ʻole ai ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a ka male maikaʻi loa no kekahi mau kāne ʻo ia ka manaʻo o kekahi o nā kāne e like me ka mea i koi ʻia e hele.
Ua lohe paha ʻoe i kahi mea hoʻomaʻamaʻa pilikino e ʻōlelo i kekahi mea ma nā laina o "ʻAʻole e lilo kekahi i kaupaona a hele i ke ʻano a mākaukau lākou" a he ʻoiaʻiʻo kēlā. Pēlā nō ka mea like no nā kāne male i ka ʻōlelo aʻo male. E makemake ana lāua ʻelua e noho ma laila.
I kēia manawa ʻaʻole ia e ʻōlelo ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e hele inā ʻaʻohe makemake o kāu wahine (hiki i nā kākāʻōlelo ke hāʻawi i hoʻokahi hapalua o nā kāne a me kekahi mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a me nā manaʻo maikaʻi loa). Akā inā makemake ʻoe e kiʻi i ka mea nui loa mai loko mai o ka ʻike, e hāʻawi nō kēlā me kēia i kahi pū.
3. Pono nā kāne e hele mau a mau
ʻAʻole i hoʻokumu ʻia kāu male i ka pō hoʻokahi. No laila, pono ʻoe ma mua o hoʻokahi kau ma mua o ka hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i nā keu pono mai ka hele ʻana i ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo male. No laila ehia mau manawa āu e hele ai? ʻO kaʻoiaʻiʻo, pili ia i kāu male, kou kūlana, a me kāu papa kuhikuhi.
ʻLelo ia, e koho i kāu manawa mua, e kaʻana like me ka mea hoʻoponopono i nā pilikia āu a laila e wehe i ka mea a lākou e ʻōlelo ai e pili ana i ka manawa a lākou e ʻike ai iā ʻoe a no ka lōʻihi. A laila e kūpaʻa i ka ʻike ʻana iā lākou — no ka mea ke lōʻihi.
4. I kekahi manawa hele a hewa nā mea ma mua o ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana
Inā ʻoe a me kāu wahine e hele ana i kēlā lā i kēia lā o ka male me ka ʻole o ke kamaʻilio maoli ʻana a i ʻole ka hoʻopili ʻana, ʻoiai e ʻike ʻolua he hewa kekahi, ʻaʻole paha ʻoe e ʻike i ka hewa a hiki i kahi kau aʻoaʻo.
He hana a ke kākāʻōlelo “hele i lalo o ka ʻili” e ʻike ai i ke kumu nā pilikia i loko o ka pilina male. Mai hoʻoluliluli ʻoe i ka mea a lākou e wehe ai. E like me ka ʻōlelo a ka ʻōlelo kahiko "ʻeha ke ʻoki akā hoʻōla loa ia."
Hele ka mea like no ka huki ʻana i nā pilikia i ka male ʻana a laila e hana ana e hoʻihoʻi iā ia.
5. E hoʻomanawanui ʻoe
Eia kekahi mea ʻē aʻe e noʻonoʻo ai e pili ana i ke kaʻina aʻoaʻo aʻoaʻo male: E like me nā lā maikaʻi a maikaʻi ʻole i kāu male ʻana, e loaʻa paha nā manawa ke weliweli kāu mau kau a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe ke noʻonoʻo ʻoe no ke aha ʻoe hele iki.
ʻLelo aʻoaʻo male ua hōʻoia he pono; akā naʻe, ʻaʻole ia he hana hoʻokalakupua e hoʻololi koke i nā mea. E ʻoluʻolu ʻoe e hoʻomanawanui a kaomi i nā luhi, cynicism, a makaʻu paha i ʻike ʻoe i nā hopena maoli a mau.
A maopopo iā ʻoe he aha?
Ma kekahi mau manawa i loko o kāu mau kau, e haʻi aku paha kāu kākāʻōlelo male iā ʻoe pono ʻoe e hana like i ka mea e pili ana i ka hana ʻana i kāu male a kiʻi ʻia i kahi āu e makemake ai.
OK kēlā.
He ʻāpana ia o ke kaʻina e kōkua i ka mālama ʻana i kahi male e hōʻoia i ka hauʻoli a me ka lōʻihi.