Anter
- 1. Ke aʻo ʻana i nā mākau pilina hou
- 2. E kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā mea nui ma mua
- 3. Hoʻomaikaʻi i ke kamaʻilio
- 4. Kāohi ʻana i ka hemo male
- 5. Manaʻo kaulike a me ke alakaʻi
- 6. Ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā pilikia ma mua o ka lilo ʻana i pilikia
Ma mua o ke kūʻai ʻana i kekahi mea hoʻonani a huahana olakino paha, e hōʻoia mākou e nīnau i ka manaʻo o haʻi a hana i kahi noiʻi no kā mākou iho. Pēlā nō, ʻaʻohe mea hewa i ka loaʻa ʻana o kekahi mau manaʻo, a me ke kūkā kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i nā pilina, keu hoʻi inā makemake ʻoe e paʻa mau loa kēlā hoʻopaʻa. Me ka hoʻonui ʻana o nā helu hemo, ke ʻike nei mākou he nui nā kāne a ʻokoʻa nā manaʻo a me ke ala kuhi hewa ʻole ma mua o ka male ʻana. ʻAʻole maopopo leʻa kēia mau ʻae like ʻole i ka wā 'honeymoon' e like me ke aloha o nā kāne, akā me ka manawa, ʻaʻole liʻuliʻu e kū i mua o nā pilikia pili pili i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o nā hoa ʻelua e noʻonoʻo i ka hemo.
I ka wā mua, optimistic loa nā mea āpau e pili ana i kā lākou pilina. ʻLelo lākou āpau 'hauʻoli pū mākou' a ʻaʻohe mea e hiki ke wāwahi iā mākou ', a i ʻole' ʻaʻohe mea e hewa. Eia nō naʻe, pono ʻoe e ʻike i ka hiki ʻana mai o ka kokoleka momona loa me ka lā palena pau, a ʻo ka hauʻoli loa o nā pilina āpau ke hāʻule me ka ʻole o ka nānā pono, hoʻomākaukau a me ka hoʻopukapuka.
Hiki ke kōkua ʻia ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ma mua o ka male ma mua iā ʻoe a me kāu hoa. Eia nā ala 6 hiki iā ia ke kōkua:
1. Ke aʻo ʻana i nā mākau pilina hou
ʻAʻole e hoʻomālamalama ka mea aʻoaʻo ma mua ma mua iā ʻoe me kā lākou ʻike, akā e aʻo pū iā ʻoe i kekahi ʻano hana i ka hana o kāu male. ʻOiai ʻo ka hauʻoli o nā kāne e hakakā ana a he maʻamau maʻamau kēlā. Akā pehea ʻoe e hana ai me ka ʻae ʻole a neʻe i ke ola ka mea nui. No laila e hoʻoponopono ai i ka hakakā, pono ʻoe e aʻo i nā ala e hoʻonā ai i nā hakakā. ʻO kēia ala, e hōʻemi ʻoe i kāu mau paio a hoʻolilo iā lākou i mea nui aʻe o ke kūkā.
Kū aʻe nā pilikia i ka wā e hoʻohana ai nā kāne i nā ala maikaʻi ʻole o ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā hakakā e like me ka haʻalele ʻana, hoʻowahāwahā ʻia, hele pale ʻana, a me ka hoʻohewa ʻana. E hōʻoia ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ma mua o ka male ʻana ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻomau i kēia mau hiʻohiʻona a paipai i ka launa maikaʻi.
2. E kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā mea nui ma mua
Ehia mau keiki āu e hoʻolālā ai, nā pilikia lili a me nā mea i manaʻo ʻia - pono e kamaʻilio nui ʻia kēia mau mea, no ka hiki ʻana i nā kāne a me ka hoʻomaopopo, a ʻike i nā ala e lanakila ai iā lākou inā ala lākou. I kekahi mau mahina i ka male ʻana, ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e ala i kahi pūʻiwa i kou male ʻana i ke kanaka “hewa” a i ʻole i ke kanaka me nā loina pili ʻole.
3. Hoʻomaikaʻi i ke kamaʻilio
ʻO ke kamaʻilio ka mea maʻa mau i kēlā me kēia pilina, a ʻo kou kākāʻōlelo male ma mua e kōkua iā ʻoe i ka hana pono ʻana me kāu hoa. Pono ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole ʻoe a me kāu pakanā he mea heluhelu manaʻo. No laila inā huhū ʻoe, mai waiho ia i loko ou, a ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ʻole, e hoʻolei nui. Akā, e ʻimi i kahi ala kūpono e kamaʻilio ai i kou mau manaʻo a pono e hana i kou pilina me ke olakino a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. ʻAʻole i hoʻokau nā kani leo nui i kekahi pilikia, a ʻaʻole ʻokoʻa kāu. No laila e aʻo i kahi ala ikaika e kamaʻilio ai ma mua o ka male, a hōʻole i nā hakakā waha.
4. Kāohi ʻana i ka hemo male
ʻO ka hana nui a me ka nui o ke aʻo ʻana ma mua o ka hāpai ʻana i ke ola kino e pale ai i ka male male. Kōkua ia i nā kāne i ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi paʻa paʻa, a i ka hilinaʻi ʻana i kekahi i kekahi. ʻO kēia ala, ʻaʻole maladaptive kā lākou ʻano kamaʻilio a kōkua iā lākou e hoʻoponopono i nā pilikia me ka hana ʻole. ʻO nā kāne e male a hele i ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ma mua o ka male ʻana he 30% ka nui o ke kūlana kūleʻa a me ka helu o ka male male ma mua o ka poʻe i ʻole (Meta-analysis i mālama ʻia i ka makahiki 2003 i kapa ʻia ʻo "Evaluating the Effectiveness of Premarital Prevent Programs")
5. Manaʻo kaulike a me ke alakaʻi
Ma mua o kou male ʻana, pono ʻoe e loaʻa kahi manaʻo waho mai kahi kanaka kūlike ʻole a hāmama hoʻi. Hiki i nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ke haʻi iā ʻoe i ke kūlike a me ka paʻa o kou naʻau me kāu hoa a aʻoaʻo iā ʻoe e pili ana i nā pilikia paʻakikī. Hoʻohui ʻia, loaʻa iā ʻoe ka manawa kūpono e kamaʻilio pū me lākou a nīnau wale i nā mea āpau me ka makaʻu ʻole i ka hoʻokolokolo ʻia.
6. Ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā pilikia ma mua o ka lilo ʻana i pilikia
I nā manawa he nui, ʻaʻole kamaʻilio ka poʻe e pili ana i nā hanana 'aha inā'. Manaʻo lākou he hopena maikaʻi ʻole ia i kā lākou pilina, a he ala pessimistic ia e hoʻomaka ai. Akā, ʻaʻole ia he ʻoiaʻiʻo. Ma ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i kēia mau mea, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike i nā drawbacks hiki ke lilo i pilikia i ka wā e hiki mai ana, a e nānā no kā lākou hopena ma mua o ka manawa.
He kaumaha ke ʻike aku i nā pilina maikaʻi e huli ana i ka ʻawaʻawa, ke aloha e hoʻololi nei i ka palaka, a hiki i kēia mea ke pale ʻia e nā hana liʻiliʻi a me nā ʻōlelo aʻo mua. I ka mua, maʻalahi ka mālama ʻana i kēia mau pilikia. Eia nō naʻe, me ka manawa a me ka naʻaupō, hoʻomau ke kūkulu ʻana i kēia mau mea a haʻohaʻo nā kāne i kahi i hele aku ai ko lākou aloha a me ke aloha. ʻO ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ma mua o ka male ʻana he hoʻoholo naʻauao no kēlā me kēia kāne. Ke hele koke ʻoe, e alakaʻi ʻia ʻoe e hana i kahi pilina olakino a hauʻoli hoʻi. No laila e ʻimi i nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo ʻaʻole wale inā he pilikia, akā e hoʻoponopono pū i nā pilikia e kū nei ma mua ma mua.