Anter
- He aha nā pae 5 o ke aloha?
- Kahua 1: Ke hāʻule nei i ke aloha a me ka limerence
- Kahua 2: Ke kūkulu hilinaʻi ʻana
- Kahua 3: Disillusionment
- Kahua 4: Ke kūkulu ʻana i ke aloha maoli
- Hana 5: ʻAe ʻoe i kou aloha e hoʻololi i kou honua
- Ke aloha i nā pae ʻokoʻa o ke aloha
- I ka hopena, pili ke aloha i nā mea āpau.
He mea nani ke aloha, a he nui nā pae o ke aloha. ʻAʻole wale ke aloha i hoʻokahi ʻano - hiki ke ʻike a ʻike ʻia i nā pilina a me nā ʻano.
Ma hea mākou e hele ai, ʻike mākou he mea nui kēia manaʻo no nā kānaka, a ʻike lākou i ke aloha, a aloha aku i nā poʻe, nā mea, a me nā wahi.
Eia nō naʻe, ke lohe a heluhelu paha mākou i ka huaʻōlelo 'aloha,' hoʻopili pinepine mākou iā ia me ke aloha - ke aloha ma waena o nā mea aloha, ke aloha ma waena o nā kāne.
He aha nā pae 5 o ke aloha?
ʻO Kauka John Gottman, kahi psychologist kaulana nāna i aʻo i ka ikaika o ka male, ua kākau ʻo ia i kahi puke i kapa ʻia ʻo Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love kahi āna i wehewehe ai aia he mau pae ʻokoʻa o ke aloha.
ʻO kēia mau pae aloha o ka pilina aloha ʻaʻole pili wale i ka hāʻule ʻana o ke aloha "i ka ʻike mua" akā hāʻule pinepine i nā manawa like ʻole o ke aloha.
ʻOiai he aloha nui ke aloha aloha, aia paha he 5 mau pae o ke aloha a nā kāne e hele ai i ke kaʻina o ka hāʻule ʻana o ke poʻo i ke aloha i kekahi i kekahi. I ka hala ʻana o ka manawa, ua loli ke aloha o ʻelua mau kānaka no kekahi i kekahi, a me nā pae o ka pilina e holomua ana mai kekahi a i kekahi.
Kahua 1: Ke hāʻule nei i ke aloha a me ka limerence
ʻOiai ke aloha nui nei paha iā ʻoe, e ʻike paha kekahi poʻe iā lākou iho a inā he aha nā pae o ke aloha. ʻAʻole paha ʻoe i noʻonoʻo e pili ana, akā aia kekahi mau ʻanuʻu like ʻole o ke aloha e hele ma waena o ka wahine ma mua o ka piha loa ʻana o kekahi me kekahi.
I kekahi o nā pae mua o ke aloha, hoʻolauna ʻia mākou i ka huaʻōlelo a i ʻole ke kahua o ka limerence. Manaʻo paha mākou he ʻokoʻa nā pae o ke aloha no nā kāne a me nā wahine, akā ʻoiai he ʻokoʻa nā ʻano o ka hōʻike ʻana i ko lākou mau manaʻo, noho mau nā pae o nā pilina.
ʻO Dorothy Tennov i hana mua i ka limerence ma 1979. Ua wehewehe ʻia kēia huaʻōlelo e like me ke ʻano o ka noʻonoʻo kahi e aloha ai ke kanaka i hōʻike ʻia i nā ʻōuli kino aʻe.
ʻO kahi helehelena helehelena, hoʻonui i ka puʻuwai o ka puʻuwai, ka liʻiliʻi o ka hanu, a me nā hōʻailona psychological, ʻo ia hoʻi: nā manaʻo obsessive a me nā moemoeā, pīhoihoi e hana i kahi pilina me ka mea aloha, nā makemake moekolohe, a me nā makaʻu o ka hōʻole ʻia.
Ma waho o kēia psychological / manaʻo a me nā hōʻike kino, hana ko mākou kino a hiki i ka pae kemika / molekole ʻo mākou ka mua o nā pae ʻelima o ka pilina.
ʻO ka hāʻule ʻana i ke aloha kekahi o nā homone a me nā pheromones e hoʻoliʻiliʻi hou ai iā mākou i kā mākou hoa pili koke. ʻO ia kekahi o nā hōʻailona o ka mua o nā pae pilina.
Wahi a ke Alchemy o ke aloha a me ke kuko na Kauka Theresa Crenshaw, i waena o nā hormones nui e pāʻani i kahi ma kēia mua o nā ʻāpana ʻekolu o nā pilina e like me kēia:
ʻO Phenylethylamine (PEA), a i ʻole "mole mole o ke aloha," he ʻano o ka amphetamine (ʻae, ka lāʻau), i hana maoli ʻia i loko o kā mākou kino.
ʻO Oxytocin, ka mea i kaulana nui ʻia ʻo ka "cuddle hormone," ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻokokoke aku ai i kā mākou mea aloha. Ke kokoke mākou, e hoʻohua hou aʻe ko mākou kino iā ia. Ma laila e hoʻokokoke aku ai iā mākou.
ʻO kēia mau mea o kēia pae infatuation o ke aloha e makapō ai mākou i nā lepa ʻulaʻula. ʻO kēia kahi o nā pae ʻokoʻa mua o ke aloha. Hāʻawi ia iā mākou i ka hilinaʻi makapō i ke aloha i kēia kanaka a mākou e ʻumeʻume ai.
Ke alo nei kēia mau hae ʻulaʻula i ka manawa o ka pae ʻelua o ke aloha, ke kūkulu nei i ka hilinaʻi.
I mea e ʻike hou aʻe ai e pili ana i nā ʻōuli o ke aloha aloha, e nānā i kēia wikiō.
Kahua 2: Ke kūkulu hilinaʻi ʻana
ʻO kēia ka lua o nā ʻelima pae o ke aloha ʻana. I kēia wā o ke aloha, nui nā nīnau hou a nā ipo e alo ai, akā i ka manawa like, ulu lākou ma ke ʻano he kāne a kūkulu i kā lāua pilina. Kūkulu ka hilinaʻi i nā mea aloha e pane i ka nīnau mua a hohonu loa a ke aloha -
Hiki iaʻu ke hilinaʻi iā ʻoe?
ʻO ke kūkulu ʻana i ka hilinaʻi e pili ana i ka mālama ʻana i ka pono o kāu hoa i kēia pae ʻelua o ke aloha. ʻO nā mea e pili ana i ka hoʻolohe ʻana i kāu hoa. Ke manaʻo lākou he lawa ʻole a kamaʻilio paha i ko lākou mau ʻeha a me ko lākou mau ʻeha, kū mākou i ko mākou honua mai ka hui ʻana iā lākou i kēia hakakā.
ʻO kēia ka manawa o ka pilina pili lua, kahi e hoʻomaka ai ka poʻe e palekana a palekana i kā lākou pilina. ʻO ka moekolohe, ʻoiai ʻaʻole hoihoi a hihiu paha e like me ka pae mua o ka infatuation, mea ʻoluʻolu.
ʻO ka pae ʻelua ke ʻike ʻoe i ka pale a mālama ʻia. ʻO ke kamaʻilio pū ʻana me kekahi i kēia wā ke hele kūlohelohe ia, akā e ʻike nō ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e kamaʻilio me kāu hoa, ʻike maikaʻi iā lākou, a hilinaʻi iā lākou.
E hana pū ʻoe i nā mea e kōkua ai i kāu hoa e hoʻonui i ka hilinaʻi a me ke aloha iā ʻoe.
Kahua 3: Disillusionment
ʻO ke kolu o ka pae o ke aloha ke kahua o disillusionment. Aia ia, i ke kaʻina o ke aloha, hoʻomaka ʻoe e ʻike ʻo ka pilina, a i ʻole ke aloha, ʻaʻole ia kahi moena o nā roses. ʻO kēia ke hoʻomaka ʻoe e hōʻino i kāu pili.
Hiki i ka disillusionment kahi pae paʻakikī e hele ma waena o ke aloha o kekahi i kekahi a hiki i kēia manawa, a ʻaʻole paha e hala kekahi i kēia pae i ke aloha a me nā pilina. Hoʻomaka ka poʻe e pili ana i ka pilina e noʻonoʻo inā koho lākou i ke kanaka kūpono a i ʻole ua hana hewa lākou.
Hoʻomaka pū kekahi lākou e haʻohaʻo inā e holo ana ka pili a ʻaʻole paha. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole ʻike ka hapa nui o nā kāne he kūlohelohe kēia pae a alo ʻia e nā mea āpau i kahi pilina aloha.
ʻO ke kī i ka hele ʻana i ke kahua ʻekolu o ke aloha e kamaʻilio pū kekahi me kekahi e pili ana i kou ʻano. Maliʻa paha, hiki iā ʻoe ke kamaʻilio pū me nā kāne ʻē aʻe i pili i ka pili lōʻihi.
Ke hana ʻoe pēlā, e ʻike ʻoe he maʻamau kēia pae a ʻaʻole ia kahi mea e hopohopo ai. ʻO ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i kou mau manaʻo me kāu hoa e kōkua pū iā ʻoe e hoʻoponopono koke i nā mea.
Kahua 4: Ke kūkulu ʻana i ke aloha maoli
ʻO kēia ke kahua kahi e ʻike ai nā kāne i loko o kekahi, ua ʻoi aku i ke kahua o ka disillusionment, a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kekahi i kekahi, i ko lākou pilina, a me ko lākou aloha.
Ma kēia pae, ua aʻo ʻoe i nā hemahema a me nā hemahema o kāu hoa a aʻo ʻia e hana pū me lākou.
Ua lilo ʻolua i hui, a ʻaʻole mālama kēlā me kēia o ʻoukou wale nō iā lākou iho, akā i kā lākou hoa pū kekahi. Mālama ʻoe i kā lākou mau pahuhopu, nā makemake, a me nā manaʻo ma mua o ka manawa, e hoʻolilo iā ʻoe i kime maikaʻi.
Hoʻomaopopo ʻoe i ke ʻano maoli o ka 'aloha' a hele mai i nā huaʻōlelo me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole maikaʻi mau a like paha me ka rom-com.
E hoʻāʻo hoʻi: Manaʻo ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo ʻoe i kēlā me kēia nīnau?
Hana 5: ʻAe ʻoe i kou aloha e hoʻololi i kou honua
ʻO ke kahua 5 paha ke aloha nui kou mana.
Ke aʻo ʻoe e aloha i kekahi i kekahi a nānā i hala i nā ʻokoʻa iki a ʻapo i nā hemahema o kekahi, ʻike ʻoe hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻohana i kou aloha e hoʻololi i ka honua a hoʻololi.
ʻIke ʻoe i ka mana āu ma ke ʻano he kāne a hoʻomaka i ka channelize ʻana iā ia i nā ʻano like ʻole o kou ola.Hoʻomaopopo ʻoe hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i nā mea hou aku ke hana pū ʻoe a me kāu hoa ma mua o kāu inā ʻoe hoʻokahi wale nō. Loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi mea hou aku, ʻoi aku ka nui o nā mea me lākou.
Ke aloha i nā pae ʻokoʻa o ke aloha
ʻO nā helu weliweli o ka hemo ma ʻAmelika Hui Pū ʻIa e like me ka manaʻo e pilikia paha ka nui o nā kāne i ka hoʻokele ʻana i ka pae ʻelua o ke aloha. Ma hope o nā mea āpau, paʻakikī e kūkulu i ka hilinaʻi.
Nui a hewahewa nā ala e hiki ai iā mākou ke hoʻomau i ke aloha ma o nā ʻāpana like ʻole o ke aloha, e like me ka hoʻoili ʻana i nā ʻano hana e hoʻomau ai ke aloha i kēlā me kēia ʻanuʻu ma nā ʻāpana āpau o nā pili aloha.
Wahi a Dr. John Gottman, hiki i nā hoa ke hele i waena o nā pae ʻokoʻa o ke aloha na ka hāhai ʻana i kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo:
- Ke ʻike nei i ka hakakā a kā mākou hoa.
- ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo he ʻelua mau ala e nānā ai i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole.
- Ke huli nei i kahi, ma kahi o ka huli ʻana mai kā kā mākou hoa pili pono.
- Ke hāʻawi nei i ka ʻike piha o kāu hoa
- Ke hoʻolohe nei i kā mākou hoa, pale ʻole. Ke hāʻawi nei i kahi pepeiao hoʻolohe me ka puʻuwai hāmama a me ka noʻonoʻo hāmama.
- A ʻo ka mea hope loa akā ʻaʻole ka mea liʻiliʻi e hana nei i ke aloha.
ʻO kēia mau pae o ka male a i ʻole nā ʻāpana o ka pilina e hōʻike iā mākou i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo he nui nā kumu e pono ai ko mākou kino a me nā naʻau e hui ai no ke aloha o ke kanaka a ʻoi aku nā mea hou aku e noho ai ke aloha me kahi kanaka
ʻO ke aloha ʻole ka mea e hoʻokumu ai i ka manaʻo, ʻoiai ʻike mākou i kēia manawa ke wānana nei nā homone a me nā pheromones, a ke noho nei i ke aloha ʻaʻole ia e haʻi wale i kā mākou mau hoa "Aloha wau iā ʻoe" i kēlā me kēia lā a i kēlā me kēia hola.
ʻO nā pae ʻokoʻa o ke aloha i ka mana e mālama mau i ka hoihoi o kā mākou hoa. I ka manawa like, hoʻomau mākou e ulu ma ke ʻano he kanaka o kā mākou ponoʻī i nā manawa o ka pilina.
I ka hopena, pili ke aloha i nā mea āpau.
ʻOiai nā kāne āpau e hele i nā ʻano ʻokoʻa o ke aloha, hiki i kekahi ke ola i nā lā maikaʻi ʻole, ʻoiai ʻaʻole hiki i kekahi. ʻO kēlā me kēia ala, pili ia i ke aloha a nā poʻe ʻelua e kaʻana like ai, i ka wā pōkole a lōʻihi paha. Pono e hoʻomaopopo i ka mea maoli.
ʻO ke kamaʻilio, ka hilinaʻi, a me ke aloha nā pou nui o ka pilina akā pono ka manawa e kūkulu a hānai ʻia.