ʻIke paha ʻoe i kahi mea paʻakikī e hōʻike i kāu mau pono, makemake, manaʻo, hoʻohoka, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe, pololei i kāu hoa?
Hōʻole paha ʻoe i kekahi manawa i kou mau manaʻo maoli e pili ana i kahi mea hoʻonāukiuki ke hana nei kāu wahine a hana ʻole paha, e hoʻoleʻaleʻa ana he "maikaʻi" no ka mea ke manaʻo nei ʻoe e loaʻa ana kahi hopena pale?
Mahalo paha ʻoe pehea e kamaʻilio kūpono ai me kāu wahine?, a i ʻole inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻohana i ke kaila kamaʻilio kūpono?
Inā kūpono kēlā me kēia hanana -mai hoʻopunipuni ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i ka hilinaʻi ʻaʻole ʻoe e kamaʻilio a hewa paha kāu kaila kamaʻilio. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ke hōʻike nui nei ʻoe, akā ma mua o ke ʻano pololei, he passive-agresive paha ʻoe.
No laila, ʻaʻole ʻoe e hauʻoli maoli i nā keu pono o ke kamaʻilio pololei ʻana.
Mai huhū, akā naʻe, ʻaʻole hoʻokahi ʻoe!
Lawe iā Sally, he kumu papa ʻehā, a me Pete, he mea hoʻomohala polokalamu, no ka laʻana, ʻo lāua i ka 30 mau makahiki i makemake e hoʻomaka i kahi ʻohana. I ka hopena o ka lā, ua māluhiluhi lāua ʻelua, e waiho nei i ka ikehu no ka pili moekolohe.
Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole i lilo ka luhi a me nā kaohi manawa i ko lākou pilikia nui loa. Akā, ua huhū lāua i nā huhū i haʻi ʻole ʻia.
Minamina, ʻaʻole hilinaʻi ʻo Sally a ʻo Pete he mea palekana ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā mea e hoʻopilikia nei iā lākou pākahi a hāʻule lākou i ka pahele o ka makemake ʻole e "hana i kahi mea nui mai kahi mea ʻole."
Ma lalo o ka papa, huhū ʻo Sally no ka hana ʻole ʻana o Pete i kāna kuleana ʻae like a puni ka hale, e like me ka lawe ʻana i ka ʻōpala a me ka hana ʻana i nā pā, a hopohopo paha ʻo ia inā e hilinaʻi ʻo ia iā ia ke loaʻa iā lākou. he pēpē.
ʻO Pete, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, ua ʻike ʻo ia iā Sally he mea ʻimi hewa a ua ʻike pinepine ʻo ia i ka hōʻino ʻia no nā mea liʻiliʻi.
Eia naʻe, ma mua o ke kuhikuhi ʻana i kona mau manaʻo ʻeha, e ʻōwili ʻo ia i kona mau maka a nānā ʻole iā ia. Ma hope, e hoʻi ʻo ia iā ia ma ka maʻalahi "hoʻopoina" e hana i kāna mau hana.
Me ka maopopo ʻole iā Sally lāua ʻo Pete, ua hana lāua i kahi loop feedback maikaʻi ʻole a i ʻole kaila kamaʻilio maikaʻi ʻole, e hoʻohana ana i nā passive-agresive ʻano o ka manaʻo.
No Sally, ma kahi o ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i kāna makaʻu e pili ana i kahi keiki me Pete, kuʻi ʻo ia i nā keʻena liʻiliʻi a hana i nā ʻōlelo kūamuamu i ka wā i lohe ai ʻo Pete i ka pepeiao, me ka manaʻo e huki ʻo ia i kona mau maka i ka ʻōpala i ʻōpala.
No Pete, ma mua o ka haʻi ʻana aku iā Sally i kāna ʻano kamaʻilio a i ʻole nā barrage o nā loiloi i waiho ʻeha iā ia a huhū, ua nānā ʻole ʻo ia iā ia, me ka lana o ka manaʻo e pau kāna ʻōhumu ʻana. (Ma ke ala, ua manaʻoʻiʻo ʻo Sally ke hāʻawi nei ʻo ia i nā pane kūpono, akā ʻaʻole pēlā ka ʻano o ka wehewehe ʻana a Pete iā ia.)
ʻOiai aloha lākou kekahi i kekahi, kēia ua hāʻawi ʻia nā hōʻike pololei ʻole o kā lākou mau ukiuki i wahie wela nui no kahi pahū pahū kinoea male a ua mau ka mahuahua ʻana o ko lākou pili.
Laki, Ua ʻimi ʻo Sally lāua ʻo Pete i ke kōkua a ua ʻike hope loa lāua he mea pono e noʻonoʻo i ko lāua mau manaʻo maoli a hōʻike ʻO lākou ka mea i ʻae iā lākou e uhaʻi i kā lākou pōʻai maikaʻi ʻole a kūkulu hou i kā lākou pilina paʻa.
He nui ka poʻe o mākou e ʻae i ka hana passive-agresive ke ʻike ʻole mākou i kahi palekana e kaʻana like i ko mākou manaʻo a me ka naʻau.
Akā ke hoʻohana ʻia i loko o kā mākou pili pili, kēia hiki i nā ʻano kuhikuhi kūʻokoʻa ke lilo i mea luku e like me ka hana kolohe, inā ʻaʻole ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi i kekahi manawa.
Akā, hiki iā ʻoe uhaʻi i ka hana passive-agresive a lilo i mea kamaʻilio hoʻopono a maopopo ma kahi o!
Ma lalo iho nā ʻelima mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo no ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i ka maikaʻi o ke kamaʻilio ʻana i kāu pili.
- E hana i kahi papa inoa o kāu inaina a me nā namunamu. ʻO kēia kahi kī nui e pono ai ke kamaʻilio maikaʻi i ka male ʻana
- Prioritize i nā ukana mai "ka poʻe e lilo i mau mea haʻihaʻi inā ʻaʻole i loli" i "nā mea nui ʻole i ka holo lōʻihi."
- Lawe i ka mea me ka mea kiʻekiʻe loa a hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ke kaila o ke kamaʻilio e like me (i kou leo ponoʻī, ʻoiaʻiʻo).
"E ka meli, ke nānā aku au (hoʻopiha me kahi ʻano ʻano hana), wehewehe wau i ka manaʻo (no ka laʻana, ʻaʻole ʻoe e noʻonoʻo i kaʻu mau pono, a i ʻole preoccupied ʻoe, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe) a laila manaʻo wau (e maʻalahi. me ke kaumaha, huhū, hauʻoli, a makaʻu paha).
Aloha wau iā ʻoe a makemake nui wau inā hiki iā mākou ke loaʻa kahi ala e hoʻomaʻemaʻe ai i kēia a hana i kahi ʻaelike hou. ʻIke nui wau i ka mea e hiki iaʻu ke hana e hana i kahi palekana no ʻoe e kaʻana like ai i kāu hoʻopiʻi. "
E hōʻoia mai ʻoe mai kahi wahi o ka manaʻo maikaʻi. E hoʻomanaʻo, ʻo kāu pahuhopu no kāu hoa e loaʻa pololei i kāu leka ma ke aloha a me ke aloha i ʻole e hoʻoulu i ka pale.
Hoʻomaopopo ka ʻike ʻana pehea e kamaʻilio ai me kāu wahine me ka ʻike ʻana i ke kaila kamaʻilio kūpono.
- E hoʻonohonoho i kahi manawa me kāu ipo e kamaʻilio ma kahi āu e noi ai inā makemake ʻoe e ʻoluʻolu e lilo i "mea hoʻolohe" no kekahi mau minuke i hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻike i kāu mea e pono ai e ʻōlelo, me ka hōʻoia ʻana i kāu pakanā e hāʻawi pū ʻoe iā ia i kāna manawa e pane ai i hoʻokahi manawa manaʻo ʻoe ua lohe ʻia ʻoe. A laila e hōʻike i kahi mea āu i hoʻomaʻamaʻa ai ma # 3.
- E kono i kāu hoa e hana i kahi papa inoa a hana i ka manawa e kaʻana like i kāna mau hopohopo me ʻoe. Hōʻike kēia iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo i ka lilo ʻana o nā hoa maikaʻi i mea kamaʻilio a hoʻolohe.
A laila e hana hou i # 3-5 neʻe i kāu papa inoa. E ʻike paha ʻoe ma o ka hele ʻana i nā mea mua, e hoʻoponopono pono nā ʻano me ka ʻole e hele i kēlā me kēia mea ma ka papa inoa.
Ma ke kau ʻana i kēia mau mea i ka hana, e hoʻomaka ʻoe e ʻohi i nā pōmaikaʻi o ka waiho ʻana i ka manaʻo passive-agresive ma hope ou a komo i ke kiʻi e hoʻoliʻiliʻi i ke ala pono!
E hoʻomaʻamaʻa i kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo no ka pilina ma kāu male ʻana e hoʻomaikaʻi ai i kāu kaila kamaʻilio a kūkulu i kahi paʻa paʻa.
A, ʻaʻohe hopohopo, inā hana hewa ʻoe i kekahi manawa, hoʻomaha wale a noʻonoʻo, a laila hoʻi hou ʻoe iā ʻoe iho ma ke ala maikaʻi!
(Kahakaha: Inā ʻoe i loko o kahi pilina hoʻomāinoino, e ʻimi i ke kōkua ʻoihana ʻoiai hiki ke hana kūleʻa kēia mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo. Eia kekahi, no ka mea he kū hoʻokahi kēlā me kēia pilina, ʻaʻohe mea hōʻoia e hana ka mea no kekahi kanaka / ʻelua no kekahi.)