Anter
Ke ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e pili ana i ka kaʻawale a i ka hemo paha, manaʻo ʻino paha ʻoe i ka mea o ka noho makua ʻana.
Akā, aia wale nō inā pono ʻoe e co-makua i kāu keiki a ʻike ʻoe i ka paʻakikī.
No ka noho makua kūpono ʻana, pono ʻoe e hele me ka maluhia me ka mea i loaʻa i kāu male, e ʻike i nā ala hou e launa pū ai me kāu ex, hoʻolālā i kahi ola hou nāu iho, a pono ʻoe e kaulike i nā mea āpau me ka olakino o kāu keiki.
Pehea ʻoe e lilo ai i makua makua i mea nui i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana o ʻoe a me kou ʻohana i ka loli.
E nānā pū kekahi:
No laila, pehea e hui pū ai me ka makua a pehea e hana pono ai i nā mākua? Eia kekahi ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a me ka ʻōlelo aʻo a ka makua kōkua e kōkua ai iā ʻoe e hoʻomaikaʻi i kāu mākau makua.
Nā kumu o ka noho makua ʻana
ʻO ka noho ʻana o ka mākua ke pili nā mākua ʻelua (hemo a hoʻokaʻawale ʻia paha) i ka hānai ʻana o ke keiki, ʻoiai ʻo ka hapanui hoʻokahi makua i kuleana nui a hoʻolilo i nā manawa hou me ke keiki.
Koe no ka mea aia ka hoʻomāinoino ʻia i loko o ka ʻohana a i ʻole kekahi mau kumu koʻikoʻi ʻē aʻe e kūʻē iā ia, ua ʻōlelo pinepine ʻia e noho mau nā mākua ʻelua i ka ola o ke keiki.
Hōʻike ka noiʻi, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka pilina o ke keiki me nā mākua ʻelua. Kūkulu ʻia ka co-makua a puni ka manaʻo o ka hāʻawi ʻana i ke keiki i kahi ʻano palekana a paʻa hoʻi, me ka ʻole o nā hakakā a me nā pilikia.
ʻO ke ʻano makemake loa o ka ʻaelike co-makua ka mea a nā mākua e ʻae ai i nā pahuhopu o ka hānai ʻia ʻana o kā lāua keiki, a me nā ʻano hana e hoʻokō ai i kēia mau pahuhopu.
Eia kekahi, he ʻoluʻolu a mahalo kekahi o nā pilina ma waena o nā mākua.
Penei ʻo kahi ala e wehewehe ai i ka noho like ʻana o ka makua me ka ʻike ʻoi aku ia ma mua o ke kaʻana like ʻana i ka mālama. He ʻano laulima ia.
Ma hope o ka haki o ka male, he mea maʻamau ka huhū o nā kāne mua o kekahi i kekahi a ʻaʻole hiki pinepine ke ʻike i ka manaʻo maʻamau.
Eia nō naʻe, ma ke ʻano he mau mākua, pono mākou e waiho i nā lula kumu co-makua i mea e hoʻokō ai i kahi ʻano o ka pilina ma mua e hoʻokau ʻia ai nā keiki.
ʻO ke kumu o ka noho makua ʻana he home paʻa a me ke ʻohana ke keiki, ʻoiai ʻaʻole lākou e noho pū ana.
Nā hana a ka makua-makua
Aia he mau ala pono a hewa hoʻi e makua pū ai i kāu keiki.
Minamina, ʻo ka hele ʻana ma waena o kahi kaʻawale o kāu pilina ʻaʻole ia e maʻalahi e lilo i hoa maikaʻi i kāu ex.
Luku ʻia nā male he nui e nā hakakā, nā hoʻomaloka, nā haʻihaʻi o ka hilinaʻi. Nui paha kāu mea e hoʻomanawanui ai. Akā, ʻo ka mea e pono e hele mua ma mua pehea e lilo ai i makua kōkua maikaʻi i kāu keiki.
Eia nā mea pono pilikino makua ʻehā e pili ana i ka lilo ʻana i makua makua ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi:
1. ʻO ke kumumanaʻo nui e alakaʻi i kāu neʻe ke hana ʻoe i kahi hoʻolālā makua e hōʻoia ʻo ʻoe a me kāu ex ma ka ʻaoʻao like ke hiki mai i nā pilikia nui āpau.
ʻO ia ka manaʻo o ʻolua hoʻolaʻa i ka hana e loaʻa ai ka kamaʻilio mōakāka a me ka mahalo. ʻO ke kākoʻo ʻana me ka ʻole o ke kamaʻilio e alakaʻi wale ai ia i ka ʻawaʻawa ma waena ou a me kāu ex.
I ka hopena, no ka laʻana, pono e kūlike nā lula i kou mau home, a e loaʻa i ke keiki kahi hana paʻa me ka nānā ʻole i kahi e hoʻolōʻihi ai ka manawa.
2. ʻO ka mea nui aʻe e hana ai i ka co-makua ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i kāu ex ma ke ʻano maikaʻi a koi aku i nā mea like mai kāu mau keiki. ʻO ka ʻae ʻana i ka negati e kolo i loko e hoʻi wale i ka backfire.
Pēlā nō, e makaʻala i ka noʻonoʻo o kāu keiki e hoʻāʻo i nā palena, a lākou e hana ai.
E hoʻowalewale ʻia paha lākou e hoʻohana i ke kūlana i mea e pono ai lākou a hoʻāʻo a loaʻa i kahi mea a lākou e kiʻi ʻole ai. Mai ʻae i kēlā.
Eia kekahi, e ʻike pono i nā ala e kamaʻilio ai me kāu ex, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake.
He mea nui ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻae i kāu mau keiki ke kumu wale nō o ka ʻike e pili ana i nā mea e hana nei ʻoiai lākou me kahi makua ʻē aʻe. Hoʻohou pinepine i kekahi i kekahi a ʻike e kūkākūkā i nā pilikia hou āpau ke kū aʻe.
3. Ola nā keiki i ke kūlike ʻole, no laila e hana i kahi hoʻolālā a i ʻole aelike a ka makua hana like e hōʻoia ai iā ʻoe a me kāu ex e mālama i nā kaʻina like a me nā lula.
ʻO ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i nā pono o kāu keiki a me ka ʻae ʻole i nā hakakā a me nā hakakā me kāu ex e hoʻopili i ka olakino o kāu keiki ʻo ia ka mea e kōkua iā ʻoe i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i kahi nohona pilikino makua olakino.
E hooikaika no ka mea kokua makua hou aku e hōʻoia i ka hiki a me ka kuleana o ʻolua i ka hānai ʻana i kāu keiki.
4. ʻO ka hope loa, e mālama iā ʻoe i kahi pilina haʻahaʻa, aloha, a mahalo hoʻi me kāu ex. E hana pēlā, e kau i nā palena ma waena ou a me kāu hoa.
ʻAʻole wale kēia e kōkua iā ʻoe e neʻe i kou ola akā e hana i kahi wahi olakino no kāu poʻe keiki.
Nā hana kūpono ʻole o ka co-makua
ʻOiai no ka ex-spouses aloha, nui nā pilikia i ka noho makua ʻana.
1. Hoʻowalewale ʻia paha ʻoe e lilo i makua leʻaleʻa a palaka wale ma waho. E hana i kāu mau keiki e like me ʻoe ma mua o kāu ex a i ʻole e hana i ko lākou ola me ka maʻalahi a me ka hauʻoli e like me ka hiki iā lākou, no ka mea ua hoʻokaʻawale wale ko lākou mau mākua.
Eia naʻe, mai hana i kēia kuhihewa a komo i ka hoʻokūkū co-makua. E ulu pono nā keiki ke loaʻa ke kaulike olakino o ka maʻamau, ka hoʻopaʻi, ka leʻaleʻa, a me ke aʻo ʻana.
ʻO ka hopena o kahi noiʻi ua hōʻike ʻia i ka hoʻokūkū co-makua hana nā keiki e hōʻike i ka lawena kūwaho.
2. ʻO kekahi no-no nui aʻe e pili ana i ka co-makua ke waiho nei i kou huhū a ʻeha hoʻi i alakaʻi i kāu mau kamaʻilio e pili ana i kāu ex. Pale mau kāu mau keiki mai kāu hakakā male.
E loaʻa iā lākou kahi manawa kūpono e hoʻomohala i ko lākou pilina ponoʻī me ko lākou mau mākua, a ʻo kāu mau ʻae ʻole "makua" ʻaʻole ia he ʻāpana o ko lākou ʻike i ko lākou makuahine a makua paha.
ʻO ka co-makua e pili ana i ka hoʻokumu ʻana i kahi lewa o ka mahalo a me ka hilinaʻi.
3. Mai hoʻokomo i kāu mau keiki i ke keʻa o kāu mau hakakā me kāu ex. Mai koho iā lākou i nā ʻaoʻao, a ʻo ka mea nui loa, mai hoʻohana iā lākou ma ke ʻano he manipulate i kāu ex.
Pono e hoʻoponopono ʻia kāu mau paio, ʻokoʻa, a me nā paio paha i kahi ala kūkulu a i mamao aku paha i kāu mau keiki.
Ua ʻeha kāu keiki liʻiliʻi, a ʻaʻole pono ka huhū e kuhikuhi i ka mea a kāu keiki e ʻike ai ma ke ʻano he kūlana maʻamau no nā pili pili.