Anter
- Pehea e hoʻomohala ai nā keiki i kahi hiʻohiʻona no ka mālama ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe
- Hāʻawi i kahi i kou mau manaʻo ponoʻī
- Hopu i ka mea koʻikoʻi
- Hiki i ka loiloi ke lilo i mea hoʻomanaʻo hoʻomanaʻo i kāu hemahema
- E kia i ka mea maikaʻi
- Pono ka makua kūpono ma o ka hemo ʻana i ka hui pū
- Hoʻonohonoho i nā lula honua
- E noi i ke kōkua, e ʻimi i ka haʻihaʻi wahine
Ua haʻi mai iaʻu kahi hoa aloha iaʻu ua komo kāna mau mākua kāne hemo i loko o kahi aloha aloha ma hope o nā makahiki he nui i piha me kahi hakakā mālama hakakā, ka waha lepo, a ma hope he huikau paʻakikī o nā kuʻikahi a me ka huhū i hōʻino i ka palekana a me ka hōʻoluʻolu hiki i kahi ʻohana ke hāʻawi.
Me he mea lā ua pīhoihoi ʻo ia e pili ana i kēia ulu hou ʻana-inā ua hiki koke mai kēia maluhia hou, ua hiki ke hoʻokūpaʻa i kāna wā kamaliʻi a hoʻolilo i nā pilina o nā mākua me ka huikau ʻole.
Pehea e hoʻomohala ai nā keiki i kahi hiʻohiʻona no ka mālama ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe
ʻO ka mea i kū nui aʻe ka huhū i kona leo. Ka huhū no ka hoʻokau ʻia ʻana ma waenakonu, no ka noi ʻia ʻana a uku ʻia paha e koho i nā ʻaoʻao, no ka hoʻolohe ʻana i nā moʻolelo e pili ana i ka waiwai ʻole o ka mea ʻē aʻe, no ka noʻonoʻo ʻole ʻana i ka noho ʻana, a palekana paha, a i hoʻokau mua ʻia paha i ka wā o nā mākua e hakakā ai i ka hakakā noʻonoʻo a me ka naʻau. Ua nalowale ʻo ia i ka huikau.
I ka hoʻolohe ʻana i kēia a me nā moʻolelo like ʻole mai nā keiki makua o ka hemo, ua loaʻa iaʻu hoʻokahi leka kūlike.
ʻIke kāu poʻe keiki i ka noho o mua e pili ana i ka mālama ʻana o kekahi i kekahi.
Me kēlā me kēia hoʻopaʻapaʻa, hoʻomohala lākou i kahi hiʻohiʻona no ka mālama ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe a no ka pehea a lākou e manaʻo ai e mālama ʻia lākou.
ʻO nā mea nui e pili ana i nā keiki ʻaʻole ia ka hanana hemo wale, akā ʻo nā ala - maalea a ʻaʻole ʻole - e hana nā mākua ma o lākou ala. No laila he aha kāu e hana ai?
ʻO kekahi o nā loli e hiki ke hana i kēia lā ke hoʻomaka i ka hana ʻana pehea ʻoe e launa pū ai me kāu makua.
Hāʻawi i kahi i kou mau manaʻo ponoʻī
ʻO ka hana mua i ke kamaʻilio kūpono ʻana ke hoʻokokoke aku nei i nā kamaʻilio ʻana mai kahi mālie a me ka mōakāka.
Ke ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i kahi hoʻopaʻapaʻa me kou hoahānau, ʻo ka mea mua e hana ai e ʻike i ka mea āu e manaʻo nei. ʻO ka lawe ʻana i kekahi mau minuke e nānā me ʻoe iho hiki ke kōkua i ka pale ʻana i ka hea inoa ʻana, ka hoʻopuka ʻana i kāu poʻe keiki e pili ana i kāu mau ukiuki, a i ʻole ke pāʻani ʻana i ka pāʻani hewa.
ʻO ka ʻike ʻana i nā mea e hana pū nei me ʻoe hiki ke kōkua i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i nā mea āu e noi ai a hāʻawi iā ʻoe i ka manawa kūpono e hoʻopaʻa ai i kahi ala e lohe ʻia ai e kou makua ʻohana. Hele paha kēia i kekahi mea e like me, "He mea nui kāu e ʻōlelo nei iaʻu. Ke kaumaha nei au i kēia manawa. Hiki iaʻu ke kāhea aku iā 'oe ma hope o ka hiamoe' ana o nā keiki i hiki ai iā ʻoe ke nānā pono iaʻu? ”
Hopu i ka mea koʻikoʻi
Ua hoʻomaka paha ʻoe i kahi kamaʻilio me kahi kumu a laila lilo i ka huhū ke ʻike ʻole ʻoe i lohe ʻia, a hōʻoia ʻia paha, a i ʻole maopopo.
ʻO ka mea maʻamau, ʻo kēia manaʻo leʻaleʻa me he mea lā ʻaʻole ʻo kāu hoa ma laila no ʻoe (a ʻaʻohe makemake e noho i kēia manawa!), A i ka pane ʻana, hoʻololi ka hapa nui o nā kāne i ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana - kahi maʻalahi a maʻa ke kumu e hoʻopau ai i ka kamaʻilio maoli a hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka holomua. Hoʻomaopopo pinepine nā Psychologists i ka hoʻohewa ma ke ʻano he hōʻike i nā pono a me nā mea hōʻeha ʻole.
ʻO kēlā me kēia ʻōlelo hōʻino kahi makemake i hoʻokumu ʻia i ka huhū.
No laila ke ʻōlelo ʻoe, "ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻolohe iaʻu" ka makemake ʻole i hōʻike ʻia, "makemake wau e hoʻolohe ʻoe iaʻu, no ka mea ʻaʻole wau i lohe ʻia." Ke hele aku mākou i kahi poʻe ʻē aʻe mai kahi o ka huhū, ʻaʻole lākou e hoʻolohe i ke noi.
ʻO ka hana mua ke nānā nei pehea mākou e kamaʻilio ai i kā mākou mau pono. Hoʻomaopopo ʻoe i ka manawa mua i loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi kākau a i ʻole papahana a ua kāhiko ʻia i ka leka ulaula? ʻIke ʻoe i kēlā manaʻo koke - ka mea o ka hilahila, a i ʻole ka hoka, a i ʻole me ka manaʻo ʻole e ana ʻia?
ʻOiai inā ua haʻalele ke kumu i kahi memo hōʻoluʻolu i ka hopena, ua waiho ʻia ʻoe me kahi hoʻomanaʻo hoʻomanaʻo aniani no ka loaʻa ʻole o ka pololei - a ʻaʻole paha ʻoe i pīhoihoi e holo i ka home a hoʻoponopono i kāu mau hewa.
Ma ke ala like, ʻaʻohe hiki i ka loiloi ma waena o nā mākua ke hana i kahi kaiapuni e hoʻonāukiuki i ka makemake no ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana iā ʻoe iho.
Hiki i ka loiloi ke lilo i mea hoʻomanaʻo hoʻomanaʻo i kāu hemahema
I kaʻu hana me nā kāne, ua ʻike wau i kekahi o nā mea nui loa nā māka leka-ʻulaʻula hiki iā mākou ke hāpai me nā huaʻōlelo mau a ʻaʻole loa- e like me "he aloha nui loa ʻoe" a i ʻole "ʻaʻole ʻoe ma kahi o ka wā e pono ai nā keiki iā ʻoe." Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomanaʻo i ka manawa hope loa i lepili ʻia me ka mau a i ʻole a ʻaʻole loa?
Inā like ʻoe me ka hapanui o mākou, pane paha ʻoe me kahi pale pale pale a i ʻole like like. No laila i ka manawa aʻe e hopu ʻoe iā ʻoe iho e ʻohi i ka peni ʻulaʻula, ʻike inā hiki iā ʻoe ke pani iā ia ma ka haʻi ʻana i kēlā makemake.
Ke hoʻololi nei i ka palapala hōʻano maikaʻi mai "ʻoe ʻaʻole loa hana ... "i" ka mea aʻu e makemake maoli ai ... "ʻaʻole maʻalahi ia a koi aku i ka hana i manaʻo ʻia. ʻO kahi ʻāpana nui o kēia hana i ka ʻike ʻana i kāu mau pono ponoʻī, a me ka nīnau ʻana iā ʻoe iho, "He aha kaʻu e pono ai i kēia manawa ʻaʻole e loaʻa?"
ʻO ka mea āu e makemake ai he lima keu no ke kaulike ʻana i kahi pule koʻikoʻi. E ʻike inā hiki iā ʻoe ke kūʻiʻo i ke noi ʻana i nā mea āu e makemake ai me ka ʻole o ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana a i ʻole ka hāpai ʻana i nā hala i hala a i ʻole nā mea hōʻeha. Inā ʻoe e haʻohaʻo pehea e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hana i kēlā, hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka nīnau ʻana i nā nīnau e hoʻomaka me, "E mahalo nui wau iā ia inā ..." a i ʻole "makemake wau e hana ʻoe," a i ʻole "He mea nui ia iaʻu ... inā hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻohi i nā keiki mai ke kula i ka Pōʻalima a me ka Pōʻalima a lawe iā lākou i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa soccer. He papahana nui kaʻu ma ka hana, a he pono ke kākoʻo hou i kēia pule. ”
E kia i ka mea maikaʻi
Ma muli o ka hemo pinepine ʻana o kahi hanana ʻeha no ka ʻohana, maʻalahi ka paheʻe ʻana o nā mākua i loko o kahi pāʻani no nā keiki a lākou.
Me ka manaʻo ʻole e hana ʻino, nā huaʻōlelo e like me "makemake wau akā pāpā mai ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou," "ʻAʻole maikaʻi kou makuahine," a "lohi pinepine kou makuakāne iā ʻoe," i puka mai nā wahi ʻeha, hiki ke hōʻeha i kou keiki. He ʻoiaʻiʻo paha kēia mau mea, akā ʻaʻole paha ia he mea ʻike ʻia e kāu poʻe keiki — nāu lākou, a nāu wale nō.
Pono ka makua kūpono ma o ka hemo ʻana i ka hui pū
ʻOiai paʻakikī paha e noʻonoʻo i kāu ex ma ke ʻano he ʻāpana o kāu kime, hiki ke kōkua ke nānā iā lākou ma ke ʻano he hoʻonui o kou makua. Inā makemake ʻoe e ʻike i kāu keiki ua palekana lākou a aloha ʻia, a laila kūkulu i nā ʻāpana maikaʻi loa o kāu ex.
ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e aloha iā lākou a makemake paha iā lākou. Koho wale i kekahi mea e pili ana i kā lākou mau mākua i hiki iā ʻoe ke mahalo, a hoʻoikaika e hoʻomaikaʻi i kēlā a puni kāu mau keiki. E hoʻāʻo i kekahi mea e like me, “Maikaʻi mau ʻo Māmā i ke kōkua ʻana iā ʻoe me nā haʻawina home. No ke aha ʻoe e hōʻike ʻole aku ai iā ia i kēlā pilikia āu i paʻa ai? " a i ʻole “Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Pāpā e hana nei ʻoe i kāu pā punahele no ka ʻaina awakea! Ua noʻonoʻo nui kēlā iā ia. ”
E noʻonoʻo paha ʻoe, akā pehea inā lohi ka makuakāne e kiʻi iā lākou - a ʻo ia ʻoiaʻiʻo hana kēia i kēlā me kēia manawa? ʻO ka mea mua e ʻae iā ʻoe iho e ʻike i nā mea āpau āu e manaʻo nei.
ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻoliʻiliʻi hauʻoli a maikaʻi paha me kēia huli o nā hanana. Hiki ke kōkua i kēia ma ka hoʻohālikelike a me ka hāʻawi ʻana i ka hōʻoia no ka hoka a me ka hoka o kāu mau keiki. Hiki iā ʻoe ke koho e ʻōlelo i kekahi mea e like me, "Maopopo iaʻu ʻeha ke lohi ka makuakāne e kiʻi iā ʻoe" - e ʻae iā lākou e ʻike a lohe ʻia e ʻoe i kahi manawa a manaʻo paha lākou he mea ʻole a poina paha.
Kēia a laila hana i kahi e humanize makua hewa, ʻoiai ke kūkulu ʻana i ka ikaika o kou hoa makua. Hiki i kēia ke hele i kekahi mea e like me, “Ke aʻo nei mākou ʻelua i ka hana ʻana i kēia hana a e hana mākou i kekahi mau hewa ma ke ala. ʻAʻole maikaʻi kou makuakāne e pili ana i ka manawa. ʻAʻole wau i maikaʻi e nānā i kāu hōʻike i kēia mau lā. Aloha nui mākou iā ʻoe, a e hana pū mākou e hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kāu mea e pono ai. ”
Hoʻonohonoho i nā lula honua
ʻO kekahi ala e kamaʻilio kūpono ai i ka wā o ka noho makua ʻana ka hoʻokumu ʻana i nā lula honua.
ʻO kahi kulekele maʻalahi e mālama iā ia "Makua-wale nō." ʻO kahi hoʻopiʻi maʻamau mai nā keiki makua no ka hemo ʻana ua hoʻohana ko lākou mau mākua iā lākou ma ke ʻano he ʻelele i ka wā kamaliʻi.
E hoʻomanaʻo, inā he nīnau a ʻōlelo paha kāu, no ka nui a liʻiliʻi paha, e kamaʻilio pololei i kēlā me kou mākua. Ma ke ala like, ʻoiai mākou e pono ai i ke kākoʻo a me ka pepeiao hoʻolohe, he mea nui ka mālama ʻana i ka haunaele e pili ana i kāu hemo a i ʻole kāu ex i mua o kahi poʻe mākua wale nō.
Ke hoʻokau ʻia nā keiki i ke kūlana o ka hoa a i ʻole confidant, hiki iā ia ke hana i kahi kānana i ko lākou hiki ke hauʻoli i ka hoʻolilo manawa ʻana me kou hoahānau. Hōʻike mai ka noiʻi iā mākou i kēia mea i lalo o ka laina, hiki i kēia kumu ke hoʻopili maikaʻi ʻole i ka maikaʻi o ka pilina a lākou me ʻoe - ʻoiai i ka wā makua.
No laila inā makemake ʻoe e hana i ke kūkulu ʻana i nā paʻa paʻa me kāu poʻe keiki no kēia manawa a me ka wā e hiki mai ana, e hoʻomanaʻo iā ʻoe iho e hāʻawi iā lākou i kahi kahi a lākou e kuleana ʻole ai no ka lawelawe ʻana i kou mau naʻau, ka ʻaoʻao ʻana, a i ʻole ke pāʻani ʻana i ka waena ma waena ou a me kāu hoa hana. makua.
E noi i ke kōkua, e ʻimi i ka haʻihaʻi wahine
I ka heluhelu ʻana i luna, manaʻo wau he pane maʻamau i loko kahi mea ma nā laina o "maikaʻi kēia no nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, akā paʻakikī kēia me koʻu makua kāne no nā kumu he nui." Pololei loa ʻoe — ʻoiai he maʻalahi nā leka ma luna i ke kumumanaʻo, pinepine pinepine a kahaha i ka hana.
ʻAʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻokokoke i kēia wale nō, a he nui ka poʻe e ʻike he mea kōkua ke loaʻa kaʻi a i ʻole alakaʻi ma ke ala-ʻo ia hoʻi ma o ka wehe wahine.
Ma loko o ka male, hiki i nā kāne male ke kōkua i ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i ka pilina ke paʻa nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua i ka noho pū ʻana a pono ke kōkua i ka wehe ʻana i nā ālai alanui e hana pēlā.
No ka poʻe e noʻonoʻo ana i ka hopena o ka male ʻana - me nā keiki a i ʻole me ka ʻole - hiki i ka therapy pre-divorce ke hāʻawi i kahi e hoʻoholo ai inā ʻo ka male male ke ala kūpono i nā pilikia ma mua o ka noho male ʻana, e kūkākūkā kūkākūkā i ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana o ka waiwai, e hana i nā hoʻonohonoho no ka mālama like ʻana, a ʻike. nā ala olakino e kaʻana like ai i ka nūhou me ka ʻohana a hōʻemi i ka pilikia e lawe ʻia e kēia nūhou.
Hiki iā ia ke kōkua iā ʻoe a me kāu pakanā e kūkākūkā a hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ke ala ʻoi loa e hoʻomau i ka hāʻawi ʻana i kahi ākea a palekana hoʻi no nā keiki - i ka wā o ka hemo ʻana iā ia iho a i ka wā e hiki mai ana.
E like me ka male, ʻaʻohe puke alakaʻi no ka lilo ʻana i makua kōkua kūpono a ʻaʻole paha e nalowale nā kamaʻilio kamaʻilio ʻana mai kāu male ʻana ma hope o kāu male male ʻana.
Ma ke kiʻi ʻana aku i ke kākoʻo hemo hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo pehea e ola ai i kahi ola ma hope o ka hemo ʻana a hoʻoliʻiliʻi i kona hopena i kou ʻohana-a hemo i kekahi o nā manaʻo nalowale i ʻike ʻia i nā manawa he nui i kēia manawa paʻakikī loa.