Anter
- He aha ka mea e mahi ai ke aloha mau?
- ʻO kahi hōʻoiaʻiʻo maoli o ke aloha
- ʻO kahi māla ke ʻano hoʻohālikelike
- Pehea e holo ai kēia?
- Kōkua nā palena ikaika i ka hānai ʻana i ka pili
Ua ʻike māua ʻo kaʻu wahine ʻo Helen ʻaʻole māua i ke "aloha" i ka wā a māua i male ai. Aloha mākou i kekahi i kekahi a pili maoli mākou i ke kuko. Akā ʻaʻole mākou i loko o kēlā poʻo ma luna o nā kuʻekuʻe wāwae euphoric aloha i hoʻolālā pinepine ʻia i ka pāpāho. I kēia mau makahiki he 34, ua mahalo pinepine wau iā ia e pili ana i koʻu ola. Hana wau i kēlā ma ka liʻiliʻi i mau manawa i ka pule. Ke hele ʻo ia i loko o ka lumi, hoʻomālamalama wau i loko. Kāhea ʻo ia iaʻu ʻo kāna “hoa ʻuhane” a hoʻohiki e hoʻāʻo e alualu iaʻu e noho pū me aʻu inā aia kahi ola ma hope. No laila pehea i hiki ai? He aha ka mea i akamai ʻelua - akamai e hoʻomaopopo i ke ʻano maoli o ke aloha mau a me nā mea e pono ai e ulu. Ua maopopo iā mākou pono mākou e hoʻohana i ka mākau a me ke aʻo e mahi i ko mākou aloha i ka manawa. ʻAʻohe uila i loko o ka pā no mākou!
He aha ka mea e mahi ai ke aloha mau?
Ua mālama ʻia kahi noiʻi hoihoi i India ma 1982. Ua haki ʻo Gupta lāua ʻo Singh i ʻelua mau hui o ka male hou ma mua o 10 mau makahiki a hoʻohālikelike ʻia ma ka Scale Love Rubin. Ua male kekahi hui no ke aloha a ʻo kekahi no ka mea ua hoʻonohonoho ʻia. Hiki iā ʻoe ke koho he aha ka mea i hana ʻia. He honu ia a hanau i nā ala āpau.
ʻO ka hui i hoʻomaka i ke aloha i hoʻomaka me ke aloha kiʻekiʻe a ua hoʻomaka haʻahaʻa ka hui hoʻonohonoho. I nā makahiki 5 ua like lākou. I nā makahiki he 10 i helu ka hui hoʻonohonoho i nā makahiki 60 ma ka Rubin Love Scale a me ka hui aloha i ka lua i nā makahiki 40. No ke aha mai?
ʻAʻole hōʻoia kahi pilina ma ke ʻano he causality akā makemake wau e wehewehe i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o nā kāne aloha me kahi manaʻo wahaheʻe: ʻO ka euphoria aloha mua e kuhi hewa i kahi kāne i ka manaʻo e hiki mai ke aloha i ka wā e hiki mai ana. ʻAʻole lākou e hana nui e mahi a pale iā ia. Ke hoʻomaka ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana o ka mana a hoʻomaka nā kāne a me nā keiki ʻole i aʻo ʻole e hōʻeha i kekahi i kekahi, a laila hōʻiliʻili nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole. ʻO ka hōʻino a me ka hoʻohilahila e hōʻino ai i ka pilina.
E hoʻolohe i ka hopena o kā mākou syntax English i ka pane ʻole. Mākou "hāʻule" i ke aloha. Ma waho o mākou. Maliʻa paha "manaʻo ʻia ia." Hōʻike kēia syntax ʻaʻole mākou kuleana iā ia. Inā ua haʻalele ʻo Elvis i ka hale a laila ua laki ʻole mākou.
ʻO kahi hōʻoiaʻiʻo maoli o ke aloha
Ma ke komohana ma kahi o ka hapalua o ka male e pau i ka hemo male. ʻAʻole ia he manaʻo aia ka hapalua ʻē aʻe i ka hauʻoli. Noho pū nā kāne he nui no nā keiki. Manaʻo nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i ka paʻa no ka hiki ʻole iā lākou ke hoʻokaʻawale. ʻO ia ka mea ʻo ka hapa liʻiliʻi o nā kāne wale nō e mālama nei i ke aloha i nā makahiki i hala. He ʻano ʻino maoli nō ia.
Inā "maʻamau" ʻo ia hoʻi ka hopena o ka makani i kahi pilina maikaʻi ʻole, a laila pono ʻoe e akamai ma mua o ka maʻamau
Mai noʻonoʻo hiki iā ʻoe ke noho hāʻule i loko o kahi mokuʻāina aloha euphoric a mau loa. E noʻonoʻo e ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka mahi mau ʻana i nā naʻau aloha.
A he aha nā manaʻo? ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo akā ʻaʻole aloha nui ʻia ʻo ia ka reflexes o ka lolo. ʻO ka manaʻo o ke aloha e pili ana i ka hoʻokuʻu ʻia o oxytocin, vasopressin a me nā neurohormones dopamine. Ua palapala ʻia nā Neuros Scientists i nā ʻāpana o ka lolo e pili ana. ʻO ke kumu e kiʻi ai i kēia geeky hāʻawi ia iā mākou i kahi hiʻohiʻona e pili ana i nā mea e pono ai mākou e hana.
ʻO kahi māla ke ʻano hoʻohālikelike
E noʻonoʻo e like me kēia. Loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi māla i lalo i kou unconscious. Ulu ka hapa nui o kou mau naʻau mai kēia māla. ʻO kāu hoa pili kekahi. Inā makemake ʻoe i kahi hua momona o ka oxytocin a laila pono ʻoe e momona a hoʻouwai i nā māla ʻelua. Pono ʻoe e hānai iā ia i nā ʻike e hoʻoulu ai i ka manaʻo o ka pili a me ka mahanahana o ke kanaka. Pili paha kēia mau ʻike i ke pili kino a i ʻole ka moekolohe akā ʻo ka hapa nui o nā mākua e pono hou aʻe i kahi ʻano noʻonoʻo e hoʻopā ai. ʻO kāu ʻimi pīhoihoi e ʻike i ke ʻano pilikino a me ka makemake i ka manaʻo o kāu hoa ʻo ia ka meaʻai momona loa i ka māla a kāu hoa. ʻO ka hoihoi loa ka waiwai waiwai nui ʻole ʻia i loko o kahi pilina.
Akā inā he māla kou, ʻaʻole lawa ia e hoʻouwai wale a hoʻomomona. Pono ʻoe e pale aku iā ia. Pono e mālama i nā nāhelehele a me nā mea make. I loko o kā mākou pili pili loa aia kahi ikaika ʻike ʻole e like me ka nāhelehele e hiki ai ke lihi i ke aloha. Piʻi ia e like me ka ivy a kudzu paha inā ʻaʻole mākou e ʻokiʻoki. ʻAʻole ʻike ʻia ia e nā mea kākau pilina akā ʻoi aku paha ka nui o ka male ʻana ma mua o nā kumu ʻē aʻe. Ua kapa ʻia nā mea kālaikū psycho iā ia he "kaohi passive."
Pehea e holo ai kēia?
Inā makaʻu mākou i ka hōʻole e hāʻawi mākou i kā mākou hoa i nā kauoha ma kahi o nā noi, e hāʻawi iā mākou i nā lula ma kahi o ke kūkākūkā ʻana me mākou, e haʻi iā mākou i nā mea a mākou e manaʻo ai a manaʻo paha ma mua o ka noi ʻana iā mākou, e hoʻopau i kā mākou ʻōlelo a hana mākou i kahi hana ma kā lākou papa kuhikuhi ma kahi o kā mākou ....... a laila e hoʻomalu ʻia mākou e ko mākou kakali i ka mea a kā mākou hoa e manaʻo ai ma kahi o kā mākou makemake. Ke hoʻomaka ia e hoʻomalu ʻia e ko mākou palekana e ʻimi nei i ka ʻike ʻole. Lawe ʻia kā mākou ʻōnaehana pale.
Lilo mākou i palekana i kahi lopako maʻamau a numb i waho. Ehia mau poʻe āu i lohe ai e ʻōlelo ana "ʻAʻole au i ʻike ʻo wai lā wau!" ? "ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu kaʻu makemake." “Manaʻo wau e ʻūpī ana wau!” “Makemake wau e luʻu au!” ʻO kēia nā hōʻailona hope loa o ka mea aʻu e kapa nei he "depersonalization pili."
Ua uhi paʻa ʻia ka māla i ka pāpā passive. E hoʻomaka paha nā hihia ma mua o kēia kiko no ka mea ke manaʻo nei ia me he mea lā e kahe ana ka oxygen a me ke ola i loko o ke kanaka.
ʻO kou kuleana ke kamaʻilio kūpono me kāu hoa ke komo ʻo ia i kāu palena. Loaʻa nā pilina maikaʻi i nā hoa hana. Ua ʻimi au i kēia me kahi ana i hāʻawi ʻia i nā haneli he nui. Nīnau wau i kēlā me kēia hoa e noʻonoʻo e hana ana i nā ʻōlelo kūpilikiʻi e hāʻawi i kā lākou hoa ʻē aʻe i kahi hōʻole (e laʻa me "hōʻole wau e hele pū me ʻoe i kēlā" a i ʻole "ʻaʻole wau e ʻae i kēlā"). Ma hope o ka noʻonoʻo ʻana i ka hōʻole ʻana e noi wau iā lākou e hoʻonui i ko lākou hopohopo.
Maopopo ke kumu.
ʻO nā hoa i loaʻa ka hopohopo ʻole i ka hōʻole ʻana i kā lākou hoapili ka mea i pili ka pili. Kūkākūkā lākou i ka ʻoi loa. ʻO nā hoa aloha e hopohopo nei no ka hōʻole ʻole ʻana he "ʻoluʻolu" ka mea kamaʻilio ʻole. He kūlike ʻole ia.
Kōkua nā palena ikaika i ka hānai ʻana i ka pili
Mālama lākou i ka pāpā passive.
Akā kali. Aia kekahi mea e hoʻomanaʻo ai. Aia nā māla ʻelua, ʻaʻole hoʻokahi. ʻAe pono ʻoe e mālama i ka nāhelehele mai kā mākou iho. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke hele hehi i nā mea kanu i ka māla a kāu hoa.
Inā kū ʻoe i kāu hoa me ka noho aliʻi ʻana a hoʻohaʻahaʻa iā ia a laila e hōʻino ana ʻoe. Ke mahalo a maʻalahi ʻoe a laila palekana ka pilina. Ua hoʻomaʻamaʻa wau i nā kāne he nui e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka mea aʻu e kapa aku ai he hoʻokūkū hui. Pili kēia ʻano kūʻē i kekahi hoa e noi ana i ka hoa ʻē aʻe e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i kāna palena palena. ʻO nā kāne e hana i kēia i ka manawa pinepine i ka hoʻonui i ke aloha. Ua ʻike wau i ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana o ke aloha i nā kāne a kaʻawale a hoʻi hou hou i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻana i ka hui kūʻē i nā hakakā hoʻohenehene.
No laila ma laila ʻoe. He koho kāu. Hiki iā ʻoe ke manaʻoʻiʻo ua hāʻule ʻoe i loko o ka hoʻokalakupua a i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke manaʻoʻiʻo hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i kekahi mea. Inā aloha ʻoe i ka hoʻomaka o kāu pili, a laila maikaʻi. He wā hauʻoli a pinepine kēia. Ke hāpai wale nei wau inā ua hōʻeha kou kuko a laila mai hilinaʻi i ka hoʻi ʻana i ke aloha. Pono ʻoe e noʻonoʻo nui a hana hou.
Hoʻohana wau i ka huaʻōlelo "makakū" ʻaʻole i ke ʻano o ka kaohi koke akā i ke ʻano o ka hānai ʻana, ka pale ʻana a me ka hoʻoulu ʻana i ke aloha. Lawe ka hope i ka nui o ka hana pono a me ka hoʻoponopono ponoʻī. Akā hāʻawi mai ia i kahi hua nui i kēlā me kēia makahiki, makahiki i hala he ʻumi mau makahiki. ʻO ia kā māua ʻo Helen e hauʻoli nei i kēia manawa. Lana ko mākou manaʻo hiki nō kekahi iā ʻoe.