Anter
Aia paha ʻoe i kahi ʻoihana e ulu a ulu pono paha no ka mea e hoʻāʻo ʻoe i loko? E noʻonoʻo pehea ʻoe i kūleʻa ai i kēia wahi o kou ola. ʻO ka hapa nui o ka poʻe i hoʻoholo i ka pilina he mea nui ia e male ai e ʻōlelo lākou ʻo ka pilina kekahi o kā lākou waiwai nui. Ke hana ʻole mākou e like me kā mākou waiwai ʻaʻole maikaʻi mākou e pili ana iā mākou iho, ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻokau pinepine ai i nā kāne a i ʻole kekahi e ʻike i ka mea hoʻoponopono. ʻO ka mea hoʻohenehene ka nui o nā kāne i kūleʻa loa i nā wahi ʻē aʻe o ko lākou ola, akā ʻaʻole i noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka hoʻopili ʻana i kēlā mau mea like no ke kūleʻa i kā lākou pili.
No ke aha mākou e mālama ʻole ai i kā mākou pilina?
I nā mahina 18-24 mua o ka pilina ʻaʻole pono ʻoe e noi i ka hoʻāʻo nui. Maʻalahi ka pilina ma muli o ka hoʻopiha ʻia o ko mākou lolo me nā neurochemical e hiki ai iā mākou ke "kuko" ma luna o kekahi; ua kapa ʻia kēia pae o ka pilina ma ke ʻano he limerence phase. I kēia manawa o ka pilina, maʻalahi, kamaʻilio, makemake, a me ka launa pū ʻana. A laila loaʻa iā mākou nā hana a me nā male ʻana e lele kiʻekiʻe ai mākou. Ke kū ka lepo a pau a neʻe ko mākou lolo i ka hūnā ʻana i nā neurochemicals o ka hoʻopili, ʻike koke mākou iā mākou iho e hana ma kahi pilina ʻaʻole paha mākou e hoʻāʻo a hiki i kēia manawa. Inā ua hoʻoholo ka wahine i kā lāua keiki, ʻoi aku ka wikiwiki o kēia kūʻiʻo. Hoʻomaka mākou e hoʻololi i loko o ka autopilot, ʻo ia paha ke hana nei mākou i nā hoʻolālā i loaʻa mua no ka male. ʻO nā Schemas nā ʻōlapa kūloko i loaʻa iā mākou ma o kā mākou wā i hala e hāʻawi nei i ko mākou ʻike i ke ʻano o kekahi mea a i ʻole ke ʻano o: Ua aʻo anei mākou i ka nānā ʻana i kā mākou mau mākua e kamaʻilio a mālama ana paha kekahi i kekahi ala? Ua nānā anei mākou iā lākou e hoʻowahāwahā ana i kekahi i kekahi a i ʻole hana i nā hana hou e hoʻāla hou ai i kēlā manaʻo kuko? Ma waho aʻe o ka male a ko mākou mau mākua i hoʻohālikelike ai no mākou, ma hea mākou e aʻo ai pehea e mālama ai i ka pilina a i ʻole ka male ʻana i ke kula, kahi papa? I kekahi manawa ʻike mākou i kahi pilina ma kahi mamao a mākou e makemake ai e like, malia paha ʻo nā kūpuna, ka male ʻana o kahi hoa, ʻelua ma TV, akā ʻaʻole ʻike pinepine mākou i nā mea hana e holomua ai. Eia hou, mālama ʻole, ʻoiai nānā pinepine ʻole ʻia i ka pilina ma muli o ka manaʻo ʻole ʻia he mea ʻino e like me ka hoʻomāinoino, hiki ke hōʻeha i nā ʻeha psychological hohonu ma mua o kekahi ʻano o ka hana ʻino. Inā manaʻo ʻole mākou i ka lawena a me ka moekolohe i kā mākou pilina, a keu hoʻi inā ʻike mākou i ka mālama makua ʻole, hiki i kēia ke hoʻouna i nā leka e hōʻino loa e like me ka mea nui ʻole o kā mākou pono. Ma muli o ka ʻike maka ʻole ʻia o ka hōʻeha, ʻike pinepine ʻia nā ʻōuli e like me ka hāmau a i ʻole ka hoʻokaʻawale / pale ʻana - ʻike ʻole ʻia ka ʻeha (a i ʻole ka ʻike nui) o ka pili ʻole i ka pilina.
E kiʻi i ke kōkua ma mua o ka lohi
Hoʻoiho pinepine nā kāne i ka therapy a hiki i ka hopena o kā lākou wit, paʻahau mai ka mālama ʻole a kokoke hana ʻia me ka pilina. ʻO ka nui o nā manawa ʻaʻole ia he hemahema o ka hiki a makemake paha i ka pilina e hana, ʻo ka loaʻa ʻole o nā mea hana a me ka ʻike i ka wahine e hoʻohana pono ai i ka hana. Ua loaʻa iā lākou kahi mea i manaʻo ʻole ʻia (malia paha mai ka nānā ʻana i kēlā mau pilina kūpono loa mai kahi mamao aku) inā lākou i aloha aloha kekahi i kekahi e holo pono ia. Akā, ʻaneʻane like ia e hana nei me ka ʻike ʻole e hana ana i ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana i ka pilina, ʻoiai e ninini ʻia ka hana i nā keiki, ka hana, ka hale, ke olakino a me nā pahuhopu olakino. Eia nō naʻe ke noʻonoʻo mākou i nā nīnau e like me, "He aha kou makemake e hiki ai ke ʻōlelo i kāu poʻe keiki, i kāu moʻopuna, a iā ʻoe iho paha i ka hopena o kou ola e pili ana i kekahi o nā pili nui loa, lōʻihi loa āu i loaʻa ai?" Kuhi koke ʻia nā mea āpau a ʻike mākou i kahi ʻano o ka wikiwiki e hana ma ia mea, makaʻu i ka pane, "eh maikaʻi wau i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana, paʻa wau, nui nā mea e hana nei, ʻano ʻewa wale mākou hoʻokaʻawale manaʻo wau. ”
Inā mahalo ʻoe i kāu male, a laila e hana. Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻike kahi e hoʻomaka ai, e noi i kōkua. Pono ʻoe e makaʻala i kāu mau kūlana i ka pilina, nānā iā ia, a hoʻoulu i ka makemake a me ka hoʻoikaika e hoʻomau i ka ikaika- e like me kāu i kūleʻa ai i kāu ʻoihana.