Anter
- Ke kaha nei i kahi laina ma waena o ke aloha ʻohana a me ka pilina enmeshed
- Ke wehe nei i nā huila hoʻomaʻamaʻa
- Ke hele nei i kahi landmine enmeshed
ʻO ka nui loa o kahi mea maikaʻi maikaʻi ʻole. He ʻōlelo kahiko e pili ana i nā mea he nui, e like me ke aloha. ʻO kahi pilina enmeshed ke aloha nui kekahi kanaka i kekahi e lawe maoli ia i ke ola mai o lākou aku.
I ka nānā mua ʻana, e ʻōlelo nā idealists a me nā aloha aloha ʻo ia wale nō ke ala ʻoiaʻiʻo e aloha ai. Ma kekahi ʻano, pololei lākou, akā i ke ʻano kūpono o ka hoʻomohala ʻana o kēlā me kēia a me ka manaʻo gula, noho ia i ka hopena hope loa o ka nui.
ʻO ka nele o nā palena pilikino pilikino e wehewehe i kahi pilina enmeshed.
Makemake ʻia nā lālā ʻohana e aloha a empathize me kekahi. Eia nō naʻe, inā ʻaʻohe o nā palena pilikino ma waena o lākou, lilo ia i pilina pili kino ʻole.
He aha ka pilina enmeshed a no ke aha ke kuhi hewa e pili ana iā ia?
Ke kaha nei i kahi laina ma waena o ke aloha ʻohana a me ka pilina enmeshed
Eia kahi papa inoa o nā hōʻailona āu i loko o kahi pilina enmeshed e like me kā Ross Rosenberg, he psychotherapist i loea i ka pilina.
- Hoʻopuni kou honua i hoʻokahi kanaka. Hoʻoweliweli ʻoe i nā pilina ʻē aʻe ma kahi o kēlā mea hoʻokahi.
- Pili kou hauʻoli pilikino a me kou hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho i ka hauʻoli o hoʻokahi kanaka. ʻIke ʻoe i nā mea a lākou e manaʻo ai.
- ʻAʻole ʻoe piha inā he paio me kēlā kanaka. E mōhai ʻoe i kekahi mea e hana wale i nā mea.
- ʻIke ʻoe i kahi ʻano ikaika o ka hoʻokaʻawale hopohopo ke haʻalele ʻoe i kēlā kanaka no kahi manawa pōkole.
ʻO kekahi o nā pale nui loa o ka pilina enmeshed ʻo ia ka poʻe e ʻeha nei i ka maʻi ka hope loa e ʻike ia, a ke hana lākou, ʻaʻole lākou e ʻike i kekahi mea e hewa ai.
He paʻakikī loa e wehewehe i ke kumu o ka hewa o ke aloha nui ʻana o kekahi i ko lākou ʻohana. Akā e like me Rosenberg, ʻo nā palena permeable ka poʻe i nā pilina enmeshed e lilo lākou i ko lākou pilikino a lilo i kauā i ka pilina.
Aia kekahi mau manawa ke ninini ʻia ka hana ma waho o ka pilina a wāwahi i nā ʻāpana ʻē aʻe o ko lākou ola. I ka hopena, hoʻokahi a ʻelua paha ʻaoʻao i kahi pilina enmeshed i pau i ka lilo ʻana o nā mea āpau nona.
Ke hōʻoia nei i ka poʻe i loko o kahi pilina e nānā nei lākou i ka wā e hiki mai ana o ke kaʻawale a me ka hana ʻole, ʻaʻole mālama ka hapa nui o lākou. ʻO ka poʻe i loko o kahi pilina e hoʻonoho mua i ka pono o kā lākou pilina enmeshed ma luna o ka honua. ʻOiai he ʻohana lākou, ma ke ʻano, kūpono ke ʻano.
ʻAʻole ʻike nā ʻohana i nā palena o kēlā me kēia. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono i kahi ʻohana aloha he mea liʻiliʻi loa. ʻO ia ke hoʻolālā o ka hoʻouka kaua, e hoʻohana i ke aloha like e haki iā lākou a hoʻololi iā ia i kahi pilina olakino.
Ke wehe nei i nā huila hoʻomaʻamaʻa
Ua aʻo nā keiki āpau e hele wāwae ma ka hoʻokuʻu ʻana i ka lima o ko lākou makua. ʻO ka hauʻoli o ka makua a me ke keiki i ka wā a ka pēpē i hana ai i kā lāua mau hana mua i kahi o nā mea uku nui loa ma ka honua.
ʻO ka poʻe psychologists e like me Rosenberg, manaʻoʻiʻo i ka codependency a me ka enmeshment kahi hana maikaʻi ʻole no ka mea ke keʻakeʻa nei i ka hoʻomohala ʻana o kēlā me kēia. Hana ʻia ia ma ka hoʻokuʻu ʻole ʻana i ka lima o ka pēpē, a ʻaʻole lākou e aʻo e hele wāwae iā lākou iho. E hele ke keiki i ke kaʻa kaʻa kaʻa ma ke kaʻa huila. Me he mea lā ʻike lākou i kā lākou hana, akā mamao loa ia mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo.
ʻO kahi laʻana, i ka pilina kaikamahine a ka makua kāne enmeshed, e mālama ka makua aloha i kāna kaikamahine mai ka mea āna i manaʻo ai he hoʻoweliweli. ʻO ka ulu ʻana o ke kaikamahine ua hūnā ʻia a pale ʻia. ʻAʻole hiki iā ia ke hoʻomohala i nā mākau pilikino kūpono e launa pū me nā poʻe a pale iā ia iho mai nā "hoʻoweliweli." no ka mea na kona makuakāne ia mea.
I ka hala ʻana o ka manawa, lilo ka overprotection i kona nāwaliwali. ʻAʻole hiki iā ia ke ʻike a hōʻalo i nā "hoʻoweliweli" no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻo ia i aʻo pehea, a ʻoi aku paha ka maikaʻi ʻole o kāna noʻonoʻo ʻana i ke kāne maikaʻi loa i hoʻohālikelike ʻia ma hope o ka makuakāne a komo i loko o kahi pilina aloha aloha.
Nui ka ʻōpio ʻōpio i kēia lā e namunamu no ke aʻo ʻole o nā kula i ka makua. ʻO ka mākua kahi huaʻōlelo hou e pili ana i ka ʻike hiki a me ka ʻike maʻamau e ola ai i ka honua maoli. He hopena pololei ia o ka nui o ka paʻa lima. Poina kēia poʻe, inā hiki iā ʻoe ke heluhelu, kikokiko, a Google, hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo i kekahi mea. Kula a kula ʻole paha.
Ke hele nei i kahi landmine enmeshed
Aia nā pilina enmeshed ma nā wahi āpau. No laila hiki ke hui a mālama i kekahi i loko o hoʻokahi. ʻO kahi laʻana, male ʻana i ka ʻohana enmeshed. I ka wā mua, ʻoiai ʻoe e pili aloha ana, ʻike paha ʻoe he mea maikaʻi kou kokoke ʻana o kāu ipo i ko lākou ʻohana.
ʻO ka hope, hoʻomaka ia e hoʻonāukiuki iā ʻoe. Hoʻomaka ʻoe e ʻike i nā hopena o kā Rosenberg hōʻailona mua e pili ana i ka mālama ʻole. Hoʻopili ia iā ʻoe e like me ke kolu o ka huila i kahi pilina e kū nei.
E ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i loko o ka pilikia pono o ka makemake pīhoihoi e wāwahi i kahi pā i waena o kāu hoa a me ko lākou ʻohana. Hoʻokumu ʻia nā kuhi hewa i kēia pilikia. ʻIke ʻia i nā koho i loaʻa, ʻo ka mea ʻoi loa e koho nei i kāu hoa ma waena o ko lākou ʻohana a me ʻoe.
Nui a hewahewa ka manaʻo ʻeleʻele i pili i nā pilina enmeshed. ʻO ia ke kumu i kekahi manawa ke makemake kekahi ʻaoʻao e hohola i ko lākou mau ʻeheu, e hoʻohuli hou kekahi iā lākou i loko.
Eia kahi papa inoa o ka mea hiki ke hele i kou manaʻo.
- ʻOiai ua like ia me kēia mau loa, ʻaʻohe makaʻu i nā hopena.
- ʻAʻohe mea kūpono ʻole e hana nei, He mea maʻamau no nā ʻohana e pili kokoke, ʻoi aku kekahi ma mua o nā mea ʻē aʻe.
- Aia kou pilina o kēia manawa i kahi kuʻikahi ʻokoʻa ma mua o ko lākou ʻohana, akā i ka hala ʻana o ka manawa e hoʻomaikaʻi a hiki i kēlā pae.
- Makemake wale nā lālā ʻohana enmeshed i ka pono o kēlā me kēia kanaka a me ka ʻohana ma ke ʻano holoʻokoʻa, ʻaʻohe kumu kumu kolohe e pili ana.
- Hewa ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i kahi pilina enmeshed. He ʻano aloha wale nō ia.
E hele mai kekahi kanaka noʻonoʻo me hoʻokahi a i ʻole kekahi o kēia mau hopena. E hoʻāʻo lākou e hāmau i ka leo i ko lākou poʻo e hewa ana kekahi mea ma ka hōʻoia ʻana iā lākou iho he overreacting wale nō lākou. ʻO kēlā me kēia hana e alakaʻi i kahi hakakā ʻole i kono ʻia.
I kahi pilina enmeshed, ʻo ia kekahi o kēlā mau manawa ke pololei kāu intuition. Kuhihewahewa nā manaʻo a pau. E ʻike koke ʻoe ma hope a ma hope paha i ka mea āu i ʻike ai akā hōʻole e ʻae.