Anter
- He aha ke ʻano o ka nalo ʻana iā ʻoe iho?
- No laila no ke aha mākou e lilo ai iā mākou iho i nā pilina?
- Pehea e ʻike hou ai iā ʻoe iho
Aia kekahi mea e pili ana i ka nalo ʻana iā ʻoe iho i kahi pilina i abstract ke kani. E hoʻopaʻapaʻa paha ka poʻe hema a me nā pragmatist: "Pehea e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke lilo iā ʻoe iho? Pololei ʻoe ma laila. ”
Inā ua ʻike ʻoe ia, ʻike ʻoe.
Lōʻihi paha ka manawa ma mua o kou hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā ia. Pā paha iā ʻoe i kou alo me he tonika lā o nā pōhaku lepo. A i ʻole nū paha iā ʻoe i kēlā me kēia lā, e hāwanawana nei i kou pepeiao "ʻaʻole kēia ʻo ʻoe maoli".
ʻO kēlā me kēia ala, ʻo ka lilo ʻana iā ʻoe iho i kahi pilina he ala weliweli ia e hiki ai ke alakaʻi i kahi noho nele ʻole, hoʻokō ʻole, a me ka ʻike o ke ola.
He disempowered a hoʻoliʻiliʻi iki ʻoe.
He aha ke ʻano o ka nalo ʻana iā ʻoe iho?
ʻOiai he ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ka lilo ʻana iā ʻoe iho i kahi pilina ʻaʻole ia he kumu e lilo ʻoe i ʻuhane a haʻalele i kou kino, ʻo ia ka mea e nalowale ana ʻoe i kou pili i kāu mea i loko - kikoʻī i kāu mau makemake, makemake, a me nā pono e hoʻolilo iā ʻoe i kanaka kū hoʻokahi.
Eia kekahi mau hōʻailona hōʻoia i kou nalo ʻana i kēlā pilina i loko iā ʻoe iho ma waena o kāu pili.
- Hana pinepine ʻoe, noʻonoʻo, a kamaʻilio pū i nā ala āu e manaʻo ai e ʻae a makemake ai kāu hoa a ma kahi o kou ʻano maoli.
- Mālama mau ʻoe i kāu mau pono ponoʻī a me nā makemake i loko o ka pilina.
- ʻIke ʻoe i ka pili "e lawe iā ʻoe i lalo".
- Nānā pinepine ʻoe i kāu hoa e lawe iā ʻoe i ka hauʻoli ma kahi o ka nānā ʻana i loko e ʻoluʻolu.
- Lilo ka hoihoi i kāu mau leʻaleʻa ponoʻī, pahu hopu, a me nā moeʻuhane a hāʻawi i ka nānā hou aku i nā leʻaleʻa a kāu hoa a me nā pahuhopu.
- Hōʻoluʻolu ʻole ʻoe i ka noho kaʻawale ʻana a makemake i ka hoʻolilo manawa ʻana me kāu hoa, ʻoiai inā pili mau i nā hana i resonate ʻole me ʻoe.
No laila no ke aha mākou e lilo ai iā mākou iho i nā pilina?
Ke weliweli loa nei ka heluhelu ʻana i ka papa inoa ma luna a noi aku i ka nīnau: Pehea e hana ai kēia? No ke aha ʻoe e lilo ai iā ʻoe iho i kahi pilina?
ʻO ka pane Attachment.
Ua pili ʻoe i kāu pakanā a ua lilo ʻoe i mea maʻa iā lākou ma lalo o ka hoʻopunipuni wahaheʻe hiki iā lākou ke hoʻopiha i kahi mea i hakahaka i loko ou.
Nui nā aʻo ʻuhane e ʻōlelo i ka hoʻomaka ʻana o kēia manaʻo hakahaka ma ka wā hānau. Ua ʻike ʻoe i ka piha a piha i loko o kou ʻōpū
No laila ʻo ka ʻāpana hoihoi loa o ka hoʻopili ʻana i kāu hoa ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻo ka makemake ʻole e pili ana iā lākou. Pili iā ʻoe.
Makemake ʻoe i ka mea maikaʻi a alualu i kēlā manaʻo.
Malia paha ua hoʻokūhoihoi kāu hoa iā ʻoe i ka hoʻomaka o kāu pili. Ua manaʻo ʻoe ua makemake ʻia ʻoe, makemake ʻia ʻoe, aloha ʻia ʻoe a pau. A laila, e like me nā mea hōʻaʻi lāʻau e huli i ka ʻaihue e kākoʻo i kā lākou maʻa, alualu mau ʻoe ma hope o kēlā manaʻo kupaianaha ʻoiai ʻaʻole ia ma laila. Ua hoʻomau ʻoe i ka holo i kāu hoa me ka manaʻo e lawe hou lākou iā ʻoe i kēlā manaʻo maikaʻi ke ʻoiaʻiʻo ke holo nei ʻoe ma kahi mamao loa mai iā ʻoe iho.
Ua lawe paha ʻoe i ka maʻamau o ka hana ʻana i nā ala āu e manaʻo ai e makemake ana kekahi iā ʻoe e hana mai kāu pilina me kou mau mākua (a i ʻole nā mea mālama mua) i ka wā kamaliʻi.
Maliʻa paha i ka wā ʻōpio loa ua hoʻoholo ʻoe e hana ʻoe i kekahi mea e ʻoluʻolu ai i kou mau mākua - me ka wehewehe ʻana i kahi mana o lākou e aloha ai iā lākou a ʻāpono hoʻi iā ʻoe. Ua aʻo ʻoe e pāʻani i ke ʻano me ka poʻe kokoke iā ʻoe i mea e loaʻa ai ke aloha ma mua o ka noho wale ʻana iā ʻoe iho, a ua hana hou ʻia kēia ʻano i kāu pili aloha.
ʻO kekahi wehewehe hou aʻe ka mea a mākou e kapa aku ai i ke kahua o ka psychology "Insecure Attachment". ʻO kēia ka mea i hiki ʻole i kāu mea mālama mua ke hālāwai me kou mau makemake kūʻokoʻa a me nā pono o ke kino a me ke ʻano i kou wā pēpē.
Ua hānai ʻia paha ʻoe e like me ka papa kuhikuhi (a i ʻole he papahana "mākaukau") ma kahi o ka wā pōloli. A i ʻole hoʻokau ʻia ʻoe i ka moena ma ka hola 7 o ke ahiahi i kēlā me kēia pō, me ka nānā ʻole inā ua luhi ʻoe a ʻaʻole paha.
ʻAʻole paha ʻoe i koho i nā lole āu e ʻaahu ai i kēlā me kēia lā. Mai kēia ʻano hanana, ua aʻo ʻoe e hoʻopaneʻe i kāu mau makemake instincual a me nā makemake i kāu poʻe mālama a me nā mea aloha.
ʻAʻole paha ʻoe i hāʻawi ʻia i ka manawa e haʻi i kāu mau pono ponoʻī. A ʻo kahi hopena, ua hāʻawi moʻa ʻole ʻoe iā lākou i kou mau mākua, makaʻu loa i ka makaʻu ʻana iā ʻoe iho, a laila "hana hou" a hana hou paha i kēia ʻano i nā pili aloha ma hope o ke ola.
Pehea e ʻike hou ai iā ʻoe iho
I kēia manawa e ʻike hou aʻe e pili ana i ke kumu o kou nalowale iā ʻoe iho i kāu pili, noi ʻia ka nīnau: Pehea ʻoe e hoʻopili ai i kā mākou pono ponoʻī e pono ai e ʻike hou iā ʻoe iho?
Hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻoe.
E hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka launa ʻana me ʻoe iho a me ka hoʻopili ʻana i kāu mau pono ponoʻī i kēlā me kēia lā.
Eia kekahi ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a me nā pono hana no ʻoe e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka ʻike hou ʻana iā ʻoe iho:
- E nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kēlā me kēia lā, "He aha kaʻu e pono ai i kēia lā?"
E hōʻoia me ʻoe e pili ana i nā hana o ka lā e like me ka hānai ʻana iā ʻoe iho, ke hele ʻana i kāu hana, ke launa pū ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, e ʻeleu ana, a i ʻole ka hānai ʻana iā ʻoe iho.
- Manaʻo paha ʻoe he pono ʻoe e inu wale i nā hua leʻaleʻa hua no ka lā a i ʻole pono ʻoe e hoʻoiho i kēlā ʻāpana keke kokoleka.
- Pono paha ʻoe e hoʻomaha i ka manawa mai ka hana a hiki i ke kahakai, a i ʻole hoʻokau i kahi lā he 12 mau hola e hoʻopau i kahi hana.
- Pono paha ʻoe e kāhea i kāu hoaaloha maikaʻi a hoʻopau paha i kāu kelepona.
- A i ʻole pono ʻoe i kahi papa yoga kick-ass sweaty, kahi ʻauʻau, hiamoe, a i hoʻokahi hola e noʻonoʻo ai.
E hoʻolōʻihi i ka manawa e hoʻolohe pono iā ʻoe iho no ka mea i kou pono ponoʻī, me ka nānā ʻole i nā pono o kāu hoa a i ʻole āu e manaʻo ai e "hana" ʻoe. Hilinaʻi i kāu mau leka ponoʻī e hoʻomohala i kahi manaʻo ikaika iā ʻoe iho a me kou mau makemake.
Hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka nānā ʻana iā ʻoe iho i mau manawa a puni ka lā, “He aha kaʻu e pono ai i kēia manawa?” He aha kaʻu mau pono i kēia manawa? He aha kaʻu e makemake ai?
Inā ʻike ʻoe ke kau pinepine nei i nā pono o kāu mau hoa ma mua o kāu ponoʻī, kāohi iā ʻoe iho a ʻike i kahi e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hana i kahi kaulike ma waena o ka pilina.
- E lilo i makua ponoʻī nou
Inā ʻaʻole hiki i kou makua ponoʻī ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa a hoʻolohe i kāu mau pono ponoʻī a nānā ʻoe i kāu hoa no ke kuhikuhi, e hoʻomaka e noho ma laila no ʻoe ma ke ala āu e makemake ai i ka 'Ideal Parent' e noho ma laila. Inā hiki iā ʻoe kou makua Ideal, hana paha ʻoe i kekahi o kēia mau mea:
E hāʻawi iā ʻoe iho i kahi e ʻimi ai i ke ola. E hōʻoia iā ʻoe iho no kahi hana i hana maikaʻi ʻia. Aloha ʻoe iho. Aloha ʻoe iā ʻoe iho.
E ʻike iā ʻoe iho a pehea ʻoe e pane ai i ke Life. E ʻike i kou ikaika a me kou nāwaliwali. E lilo i mea kūkaʻi ponoʻī nona iho. E hoʻolohe i kāu mau pono a pane e hoʻokō iā lākou inā makemake lākou i kou pono. E hōʻike iā ʻoe iho i kou ʻano kūikawā. Mahalo iā ʻoe iho a hoʻolauleʻa i kāu mau makana.
- Lilo i kāu ipo ponoʻī
Ma kahi o ka nānā mau ʻana i kāu hoa e hoʻopiha a hoʻokō iā ʻoe, e hoʻomaʻamaʻa e hoʻokō iā ʻoe iho. Lawe iā ʻoe iho i nā lā. Kūʻai iā ʻoe iho i nā pua. Hoʻopā i kou kino me ke aloha. E aloha iā ʻoe iho no mau hola. E hoʻolohe a hoʻolohe iā ʻoe iho. E lilo i kou hoaloha ponoʻī. E hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka nānā ʻole ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe e ʻike i kou ala.
He mea hana maikaʻi loa kēia e hoʻopili aku iā ʻoe iho inā nalowale ʻoe i kēia manawa i kahi pilina. Hiki iā ʻoe ke mālama i kou pilina me kāu hoa a ma ka manawa like e hoʻoikaika ai (a i ʻole e hoʻomaka) i kou pilina me ʻoe iho. ʻAʻole hiki i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe ke hana i kāu pilina me ʻoe akā ʻo ʻoe.
- Me ʻoe pū
E nīnau iā ʻoe iho: He aha kaʻu makemake e hana ai, kūʻokoʻa i kaʻu hoa?
E ʻimi i nā leʻaleʻa a me nā hana like ʻole. Noho manawa me ʻoe iho i hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻike iā ʻoe iho a me nā mea āu e pono ai. Inā ʻike ʻoe he paʻakikī ke noho pū me ʻoe iho, pili me ia. I kekahi manawa pono ʻoe e hoʻolilo manawa wale me ka inaina iā ʻoe iho i mea e aʻo ai pehea e aloha maoli ai iā ʻoe iho a ʻoliʻoli i kāu ʻoihana ponoʻī.
He mea nui e hoʻomaopopo inā inā e eo ana ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i kāu pilina, ʻaʻole ia ka hewa o kāu hoa. ʻAʻole ia ka hewa o kou mau mākua a kahu paha. Ua hana lākou i ka mea hiki ke hiki me nā mea a lākou i aʻo ai a ʻike ai paha, e like me ʻoe.
Ma kahi o ka waiho ʻana i ka ʻāhewa no kāu hana ponoʻī, e hoʻomaʻamaʻa ana i ke kuleana no nā koho āpau i kou ola (ʻike a ʻike ʻole paha) ma waho o ke kumu o nā hoʻoponopono o ka 'pono' a i ʻole ka 'hewa'. Hilinaʻi i kou nalowale ʻana iā ʻoe iho i hiki ai iā ʻoe ke loaʻa i kahi haʻawina ola nui.
Malia paha ua hele ʻoe i loko o ka ʻike o ka nalo ʻana iā ʻoe iho e ʻike iā ʻoe iho i kahi ala hohonu loa ma mua.
E ʻike hou aku iā ʻoe iho.
E hoʻomalu hou aku iā ʻoe iho.
ʻO ka mea hope loa, inā ʻoe i kēia manawa i kahi pilina kahi āu i lilo ai iā ʻoe iho, ʻo ʻoe wale nō ke hoʻoholo inā e noho i kāu pilina a i ʻole. Inā huikau ʻoe a i ʻole ambivalent, hilinaʻi i ka manawa e haʻi ai iā ʻoe i ka mea e hana ai. He mea kōkua mau ka hana pū ʻana me kahi mea hoʻoponopono i hiki ke hoʻopaʻa i kahi no ʻoe ke maopopo leʻa i kāu mea e koho ai, no laila e kiʻi aku i kahi mea e launa pū me ʻoe.
E hoʻomanaʻo wale nō: ʻo kahi pilina olakino e ʻae iā ʻoe e lilo i mea nui nāu iho, ʻaʻole i emi.