Anter
- Ke haki nei nā mea i nā hoa ʻelua
- 1. Uoki ka hoʻopaʻi
- 2. E kūkulu i ka hilinaʻi
- 3. Nā manaolana haʻahaʻa
ʻAʻohe mea maopopo leʻa i ka nui o ka poʻe male. Hoʻololi ka nui o nā helu helu, mai 10% a i 50%, a hoʻokumu ʻia i ka hōʻike ponoʻī ʻana, ka mea kaulana ʻole i hilinaʻi ʻia. ʻIke loa, eia naʻe, hana ka hoʻopunipuni i nā manawa āpau. Ma muli o nā hōʻike anecdotal, a me ka nui o nā kāne ma kaʻu keʻena e hakakā nei me ka moekolohe, kuhi wau aia nā pākēneka kokoke i kahi kiʻekiʻe loa - a ma kahi paha o ka hapalua o ka poʻe i pili.
Inā hana pinepine ʻia ka hoʻopunipuni (hiki ke loaʻa mai i kou mau manaʻo e kekahi mea ʻē aʻe, i ka pili ʻana i ke kino, a me ka pili ʻana me kekahi ma ka pūnaewele) A ke hāʻawi ʻia nā pilina ʻino, ʻike pehea lākou i hele ai i laila lilo i mea nui ʻole ma mua o ka hoʻoholo ʻana pehea e hiki ai iā lākou ke hoʻōla.
No laila, ua loli koʻu manaʻo ma ke ʻano he therapist mai:
"He aha kēia mea i hiki ai?"
i
"Ma hea e hiki ai i ka wahine ke hele ma aneʻi?"
Kuhi kēia i ka mea nui i ka wā e hiki mai ana ma mua o ka wā ma mua, a iā ia iho, he wahi manaʻolana kēia e lilo. Nānā mākou i ka wā i hala aku nei - e nānā ana i ka wā kamaliʻi o kēlā me kēia hoa a me nā mea hoʻonāukiuki a lākou i lawe ai i loko o ka pilina.
Ke haki nei nā mea i nā hoa ʻelua
Ke kumakaia ʻoe, manaʻo paha ʻoe ua luku ʻia nā mea āpau āu i manaʻo ai he ʻoiaʻiʻo a hilinaʻi hoʻi, e hoʻokū nei iā ʻoe e nīnau ʻaʻole wale i kēia pili akā nā pili āpau. Emotions ping-pong mai ka huhū e hōʻeha i ka maluhia a hoʻi i hope. Hiki ke paʻakikī ke noʻonoʻo mau i ka hilinaʻi hou ʻana i kāu hoa. Ke moe kolohe ʻoe, makemake nui ʻoe i kāu hoa e ʻike i ke kumu e pono ai ʻoe e nānā ma waho o ka pilina e makemake ai a ʻike ʻia. Hiki i kou mau manaʻo ke hoʻomaka me ke hōʻoluʻolu ma ka pono ʻole e hūnā i kahi mea huna, a laila neʻe i ka manaʻolana ʻole, kahi makaʻu e hoʻopaʻi kāu hoa iā ʻoe no ka wā pau ʻole. E hakakā ʻolua i ka hilinaʻi ʻana o kekahi i kekahi.
ʻAʻole kūkulu hou ʻia ʻo Faith i ka pō wale nō. He ala lōʻihi ia, i kekahi manawa pale ʻia ka manawa, i kekahi manawa e koi ana i kahi alahele i kahi ala āu e manaʻo ʻole ai. E hoʻomaka e neʻe ma hope o ka moekolohe ʻole, e hoʻomaka me ʻekolu mau kī nui.
1. Uoki ka hoʻopaʻi
E hoʻopili mua i ka ʻāpana ʻoi loa. I kēlā me kēia paio, kūlohelohe ia i ka pale ʻana a kuhikuhi i nā manamana lima. A i kekahi mau hihia, ʻo nā hihia ka hopena o hoʻokahi wale nō (pinepine narcissistic) hoa. ʻO ka pinepine, eia naʻe he hōʻailona lākou o kahi hui i hāʻule i nā ʻaoʻao ʻelua.
Ma kahi o ka nānā ʻana i waho a kau i ke kuleana piha i kāu hoa, e nānā i loko. Ma ka ʻae ʻana i kāu ʻāpana i ka mōʻaukala o ka pilina, loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi manawa e komo i kāu mau hakakā ponoʻī. Malia paha ʻike ʻoe i kahi ʻano o ka lawena e mau ana ma luna o kekahi mau pili; malia paha e ʻike ʻoe i kekahi o kāu mau hopena e like me ka hana a kekahi o kou mau mākua. Ke nānā maoli nei i kāu hāʻawi ponoʻī i nā pilikia hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kahi manawa e hoʻoponopono ai ʻaʻole wale me kāu mea nui ʻē aʻe, akā i loko, no kou olakino ponoʻī. E hana kēia no ka maikaʻi o kāu pili i kēia manawa, a i ʻole no kekahi mea e hiki mai ana.
Lawe ka pōʻino i kahi manawa kū hoʻokahi. Ke maikaʻi loa nā mea, ʻaʻohe mea i koe e nalo, ʻo ia ka manawa kūpono e hoʻopono piha. ʻO nā mea āpau āu e makemake ai e ʻōlelo akā paʻa i loko o kēia manawa hiki ke hoʻōho ʻia a kālailai ʻia a kāwili ʻia ʻia. Hiki ke hana i kahi ʻehaʻeha, akā ʻo ia hoʻi ka hoʻololi maoli a me ka hoʻōla hiki ke hana ʻia - i kekahi manawa no ka manawa mua.
2. E kūkulu i ka hilinaʻi
Ma hope o ka nānā ʻana i ka pilina a me kāu ʻāpana ponoʻī i loko o ia mea, hiki iā ʻoe ke neʻe i ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana i ka pili āu i ʻike ai i kou wā i aloha ai. ʻOiai he hana lōʻihi kēia a maliʻa paha i hoʻomaka ʻia me ke kōkua ʻoihana o kahi kākāʻōlelo male, hiki ke hōʻuluʻulu ʻia ma aneʻi e hoʻopuni ana i nā ʻāpana ʻelua, aʻu e kapa nei i kēia manawa ʻo Commitments a me nā Commitments Ma hope.
I kēia manawa ʻo nā hoʻohiki nā mea e kū koke ma hope o ka hihia, kuhikuhi pinepine ʻia e ka hoa ʻeha, me (akā ʻaʻole kau palena ʻia) hoʻonui mālamalama i ka hoʻolilo ʻana i ka manawa a me ke kālā, hoʻonui i ka manawa pū, kamaʻilio mau, nā hana o ke aloha aloha, ʻoi aku ʻoi aku ka liʻiliʻi o ka moekolohe, ke kiʻi ʻana i nā kelepona a me ka leka uila, a me nā mea ʻē aʻe Hāmama kēia mau ʻano i ke kūkā kamaʻilio ʻana, akā waiho wale lākou i ka mea e hopohopo nui ai ka hoa ʻehaʻeha: ke ʻano i ka pouli a me ka makaʻu.
E loaʻa i ka hoa hele hewa kekahi papa inoa o nā New Commitments, kahi e kamaʻilio ai i ke kūlana i alakaʻi ʻia i ka hihia. Makemake kēia kanaka i ka hōʻoia i kēlā me kēia anuanu a me nā ʻōlohelohe āna i ʻike ai ma mua o ka mālama ʻia ʻana o ka hihia. A pono lākou e lana ka manaʻolana, mai iā lākou iho a me kā lākou hoa, he hiki ke kala.
ʻO nā mea hoʻohiki hope nā mea e hōʻoiaʻiʻo ai kekahi i kekahi e pale aku ʻoe i ka hāʻule ʻana i nā ʻano maʻamau, a aʻo i nā mea hana hou e kū ai i nā manaʻo kahiko o ka huhū, ka luhi, a nāwaliwali paha. Ke hoʻomālamalama ke kukui i nā kumumanaʻo luku o nā kāne a ʻike nui lākou iā lākou, makaʻu ia. Hiki i ka makaʻu ke ala aʻe i kēia mau dynamics, ka mea i lawe i ka manawa e hana a hele i ka hoʻoholo ʻole ʻia no nā makahiki, ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻōla a pale paha. Pono e ʻike kēlā me kēia lālā, ʻoiai i mau makahiki ma ke ala, e makaʻala ka mea ʻē aʻe i ka hoʻi ʻana i nā pale kahiko.
I ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo male, hōʻoia ka poʻe i kekahi i kekahi i kekahi a ma mua hoʻi e noho mau lākou me kekahi, a he aloha ko lākou mau manaʻo. Kaha kēia avowal hou, a hana hou i ka hilinaʻi.
3. Nā manaolana haʻahaʻa
ʻO ka manaʻo o kahi wahine male ʻole, ʻo Prince Charming a i ʻole Manic Pixie Dream Girl (ʻo ka manawa i haku ʻia e Nathan Rabin ma hope o ka ʻike ʻana iā Kirsten Dunst i ka kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ʻo Elizabethtown), ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kā mākou maikaʻi ma mua o ka maikaʻi. ʻAʻole hiki iā mākou ke lilo i nā mea āpau i kekahi i kekahi, a ʻaʻole pono mākou e hoʻomaopopo kekahi i kekahi - a ʻo ka hapa nui paha o ka manawa. He hoahele nā hoa, ʻaʻole nā ʻānela mystical. Aia mākou ma laila e kākoʻo a hele wāwae pū, e noʻonoʻo ʻoluʻolu a e hoʻāʻo nui me kekahi.
Inā, ma kahi o ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi hoa ʻuhane, ua ʻini mākou i kahi hoaaloha paʻa, hāmama e kaʻana like i kekahi mau hoihoi a ʻike he maikaʻi mākou, he laina pololei kā mākou i ka ʻoluʻolu.
ʻO Alain de Botton, i kāna pepa kākau New York Times No ke aha ʻoe e male ai i ka mea hewa, 'ōlelo ia pono kahi mahele lāʻau olakino o ka melancholy a me ka dispiritedness i ka male. Ua hōʻuluʻulu ʻo ia i nā pilina me kēia ala:
"ʻO ke kanaka i kūpono loa iā mākou ʻaʻole ia ke kanaka e kaʻana like i kā mākou ʻono āpau (ʻaʻole ʻo ia), akā ʻo ka mea hiki ke kūkākūkā i nā ʻokoʻa i ka ʻono me ka naʻaupō ... ʻO ke kūlike kahi hoʻokō o ke aloha; ʻaʻole ia ia i precondition. ”
ʻAʻole maʻalahi kekahi o kēia mau ʻanuʻu; ʻaʻohe mea e hōʻoia i ka kūleʻa no ka pilina. Akā he lana ka manaʻolana, a aia nā hiki no ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi pilina olakino a ʻoluʻolu hoʻi ma hope o kahi hihia. Ma ka nānā ʻana i kāu ʻāpana ponoʻī o ka pilikia, ke kūkulu ʻana i nā pilina a huli i kāu pakanā, a ʻo ka hopena ma ka ʻike maoli ʻana i ka wā e hiki mai ana, hiki i ke kipi kipi ke hōʻola.