Anter
- He ala kūpono i ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi male hauʻoli
- ʻO ka male maʻalahi a me ke koʻikoʻi o ke aloha i nā wā kahiko
- ʻO ka hoʻokaʻawale a me ka hemo he mau koho pinepine akā ʻaʻole me ka ʻole o ka ʻeha
- Pono maoli ke aloha i ka male?
- E ʻike paha ʻoe i kahi kuanaʻike hou i kāu male
- E nīnau iā ʻoe iho inā paʻa kāu male
- Koho i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻole ma luna o kahi manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole
Ma waho o ke aupuni o nā kaʻao kaʻao, hiki mai nā male me nā pilikia a me nā pilikia. ʻO ka mea liʻiliʻi kaʻu i aʻo ai mai koʻu ʻike pilikino a pilikino.
ʻO Cinderella lāua ʻo Prince Charming me he mea lā momona, akā e like me ka ʻimi ʻana i ka pāʻani "Into the Woods", he manawa pōkole wale nō ma hope o ka male e ʻoluʻolu, ʻaʻole ʻoiaʻiʻo. ”
ʻOiai ua hōʻea kēlā me kēia kāne i kā lākou mau pilikia ponoʻī a me ka hakakā, hiki ke hoʻonui i kēia mau pilikia ma o ka nānā ʻana i nā kuhi hewa ʻole o ka wahine ma kā lāua ʻaelike mua.
He ala kūpono i ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi male hauʻoli
I nā ʻaoʻao aʻe, e ʻimi au i kēia i kekahi mau kikoʻī hou aʻe a hoʻāʻo e hāʻawi i nā kī kūpono i kahi male kūleʻa.
I nā moʻomeheu kuʻuna, aia kekahi manaʻo o ka male ma ke ʻano he ʻaelike like, ma waena o nā ʻohana o ka wahine. I kekahi mau moʻomeheu, aia kekahi ʻano o ka ʻaelike e hōʻike maopopo ana i nā hoʻohiki a me nā kuleana e lawe ai nā kāne hou. I kekahi manawa, ua hōʻike kikoʻī ʻia nā hopena o ka mālama ʻole ʻana i kēia mau hoʻohiki, e like me kekahi o nā hihia i ka hemo ʻana o ka male.
ʻO ka male maʻalahi a me ke koʻikoʻi o ke aloha i nā wā kahiko
ʻO nā ʻaelike kahiko ka hoʻohiki i hōʻike ʻia e kahi kaiāulu liʻiliʻi i mea nui i ke ola o kēlā me kēia kanaka a me ke olakino o nā kāne a me nā ʻohana.
I kā mākou moʻomeheu, ʻaʻohe o nā kaiāulu ka nui o nā kāne a hiki ke lilo i mea hōʻike i nā hoʻohiki a nā kāne a paʻa iā lākou no nā hoʻohiki a lākou i hana ai.
Me he mea lā i kā mākou moʻomeheu Komohana hou, ua nalowale ka maopopo o kēlā ʻaelike kumu i ka pīhoihoi o ka hālāwai, nā hoʻolauleʻa, nā manaʻolana a me nā manaʻo e pili ana i ke ʻano o ka uniona e hiki mai ana.
He mea nui e hoʻomaopopo i ko mākou manawa, aia kahi hoʻomau destabilization o ka ʻohana ʻohana nukelea. Ma mua o ke kenekulia i hala aku nei, ʻo kēlā ʻāpana pū kekahi ke kūkulu ʻana i ka hoʻokele waiwai o ke kaiāulu. ʻO ka mea nui no ka hiki ʻole i nā wahine ke ola ma waho o ka ʻohana, a ʻo ka moekolohe me ka ʻole o nā keiki ʻaʻole maʻalahi a maʻalahi e like me kēia lā.
ʻO ka makahiki ʻoluʻolu no ke komo ʻana i ka moekolohe ke ʻōpio a me ka ʻōpio, ʻoiai ke lohi nei ka wā makua i nā ʻelemakule. ʻO ke ʻano o ka manaʻo o 18 mau makahiki: ke kuleana, ka kuleana, a me ka hiki ke mālama iā ʻoe iho ma ke ʻano he lālā kōkua i ka hui, ke hana pinepine ʻia nei ma kahi o 30 mau makahiki inā paha.
ʻO nā kumu he socio-economic a moʻomeheu a ma waho o ka palena o kēia ʻatikala. ʻO ka impasse male aʻu e ʻimi ai ma aneʻi e pili pinepine ana i ka ʻike nui aʻe a me ka ʻike ʻia o ka loaʻa o ka moekolohe, a me ka liʻiliʻi o ka hiki ke hoʻokele i nā manaʻo kolohe e pili ana.
Ma muli o ka inoa akāka ʻole o nā hoʻohiki, a ua loli ke ʻano o ke kaiāulu ʻike maka, ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka manaʻo ʻana he mau ʻōlelo hoʻohiki maoli kā ka hoa male. Makemake kekahi hoa e loaʻa kekahi e mālama iā lākou a hāʻawi i kā lākou pono honua āpau, akā ʻaʻole ia i hoʻohiki ʻia.
Makemake paha kekahi hoa e loaʻa mau ke aloha, hoʻopā, a me ka wahine, akā ʻaʻole ia i hoʻohiki ʻia me ka noʻonoʻo ʻole.
He aha ka mea e hoʻohui ai i ke kuhi hewa ʻole e pili ana i ka ʻaelike kumu ka lehulehu o nā ʻaoʻao i pili i ia. I nā makahiki 2000 mua, ua hōʻike ʻia kahi kiʻi ʻoniʻaka i kahi ʻaha kūkā psychology. I kēlā kiʻi ʻoniʻoni pōkole, ua hōʻike pū ʻia kahi mau kāne i kahi moena nui loa. Ma kona ʻaoʻao kekahi kona makuahine a me kona makuakāne a ma kona ʻaoʻao kekahi kona makuahine a me kona makuakāne. Ke hōʻike mau nei nā mākua ʻehā i kā lākou (manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole) a me kā lākou ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo me ka wahine.
ʻO nā mākua ponoʻī kekahi hiʻohiʻona o nā pūʻali makaʻu ʻole e hoʻopili ana i ka male male. Hiki i kēia ke hoʻopili i nā ʻoihana ʻoihana, nā ʻuhane ʻuhane, a me nā moeʻuhane o ka mālama ʻana i ka hoa a i ʻole ke hoʻopakele ʻia nei e lākou.
He ʻōlelo hoihoi kā ka ʻohana ʻohana kūloko e wehewehe ai i kēia kūlana maʻamau o ka hana. Hōʻike kēia kumumanaʻo psychological i ko mākou ola i loko e like me ka mea nui o nā mea pale a me nā pio. ʻO nā mea pio kahi ʻāpana o kā mākou psyche i ʻae ʻole ʻia e ko mākou kaiapuni. ʻO nā mea pale nā ʻāpana a mākou i hana ai, e hōʻoia i ka palekana o ka exile a i ka manawa like e hōʻoia i ka hoʻi ʻole ʻana o kēlā ʻāpana i nā hana i ʻike ʻia.
Wahi a IFS, ke hui ka poʻe me kahi kāne male a lākou e manaʻo ai i kā lākou ʻāpana i lawe pio ʻia e hoʻi hope i ka home a hui pū ʻia, akā ʻo nā mea pale i komo i loko o ke kumukūʻai like pū kekahi, a ua paʻa lākou i ka mālama ʻana i ka poʻe ʻōpio a me nā mea pio i pilikia ʻole. kahi mamao loa i hiki.
I ko mākou manawa, ua kapu loa nā kapu a me ka hilahila e pili ana i ka hemo ʻana inā ʻaʻole hemo loa. Pēlā ka ulu ʻana o ka nui o ka male male ʻana e maʻalahi ai i ka poʻe male e noʻonoʻo i ka male male a me ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana ma kahi pilikia liʻiliʻi.
ʻO ka hoʻokaʻawale a me ka hemo he mau koho pinepine akā ʻaʻole me ka ʻole o ka ʻeha
Akā ʻoiai ʻo ia ke koho i makemake ʻia, paʻakikī ke kaʻina me ka ʻole o ka ʻeha. Ke komo nui nei ke kālā a keu hoʻi i ka wā he keiki, ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī o ka hoʻokaʻawale a ʻoi aku ka nui o ka ʻeha. Hiki i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, hāmama a mahalo hoʻi ke hōʻemi i ka ʻeha ʻelua. Ke hoʻāʻo nei e hūnā i kahi male male mai nā keiki, a ʻoi aku paha ka maikaʻi ʻole, ʻo ka noho pū ʻana "no nā keiki" he mea hōʻino mau ia a hoʻonui i ka ʻino no nā mea āpau.
I kekahi mau hihia ua makua ʻole a huikau paha ka hoʻoholo mua e hui pū a hoʻokuʻu iā ia e hoʻokuʻu i nā hoa ʻelua e ulu a neʻe i mua. I nā hihia ʻē aʻe, ua hele nā hoa i nā ala like ʻole o ke ola, a ʻoiai ma mua he pāʻani maikaʻi a hauʻoli pū kekahi, ʻo kēia ka manawa e hele i nā ala kaʻawale.
Pono maoli ke aloha i ka male?
ʻO ka pinepine ʻike ka poʻe pili i ka pilina hohonu a ʻo ke aloha a me ka hoihoi, akā nui ka ʻeha, ka hilahila a me ka hōʻino a ʻaʻole hiki ke hoʻoponopono ʻia ka male.
Ke ʻike ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i loko o kekahi o kēia mau huina paʻakikī i kāu male ponoʻī, e nīnau iā ʻoe iho i kahi o kāu mau manaʻolana a me kāu mau pono e hoʻokō ʻole ʻia.
Manaʻoʻiʻo ʻoe ua hoʻohiki kāu hoa e hoʻokō i kēlā mea i manaʻo ʻia a e mālama paha i kēlā pono o kāu? E hoʻāʻo mua e kamaʻilio me kāu hoa. Inā loaʻa kekahi waiwai i loko o ka pilina, e ulu wale ia mai kahi kamaʻilio kamaʻilio ʻana, ʻoiai inā he mea paʻakikī a ʻeha paha kēlā kamaʻilio.
Inā ʻaʻole he koho kūpono ke kamaʻilio kamaʻilio ʻole a hāmama i kēia manawa, e hoʻāʻo e nīnau me kahi hoa aloha.
E ʻike paha ʻoe i kahi kuanaʻike hou i kāu male
Hoʻomaopopo paha ʻoe i kēlā me kēia mea waiwai o ka pilina ma mua o nā pilikia, kahi ʻike e hiki ai ke alakaʻi i ka hoʻōla a i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi ala e hoʻi ai i ka leʻaleʻa, hauʻoli, a me ka leʻaleʻa. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke ʻae e ʻike i ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana ke koho ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi a holo pū me ia.
Manaʻo pinepine nā kāne i kā lākou mau hoa e hoʻokō i nā pono āpau. Ke kapa nei i kāu mau pono i hoʻokō ʻole ʻia, a me ka helu ʻana i ko lākou mea nui, hiki ke kōkua i ka ʻike ʻana e hoʻokō maoli ʻia kekahi mau pono i ka pilina a ʻo nā mea ʻē aʻe e ʻimi ʻia ma nā wahi ʻē aʻe, nā hana ʻē aʻe, a me nā hoa aloha ʻē aʻe.
E nīnau iā ʻoe iho inā paʻa kāu male
He mea kōkua nui paha ia e hoʻomaopopo iā ʻoe iho, ua paʻa ka male. ʻAʻole ʻoe makemake i loko o laila a makaʻu ʻoe e hoʻololi a ʻaʻole ʻike pehea. ʻOiai maikaʻi ʻole e like me kēlā komo ʻana, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi ma mua o ka hoʻomeamea ʻana a hōʻalo paha i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo.
ʻO ka mea maʻamau, inā e ʻike ʻia ka paʻa o ka male hiki ke hana pū ʻia me kāu pakanā, kōkua paha iā ʻolua i ka ʻoluʻolu iki a malia paha e hānai i kahi manaʻolana kūpono a me kahi hoʻolālā kūpono e neʻe iā ia.
Nā manaʻo like ʻole e pili ana i ka moekolohe; ʻo ia hoʻi ke alapine, ke kaila, a me nā mea komo ʻē aʻe, ʻo ia ke kumu nui e ʻike ʻia no ka male kāne male ʻole.
ʻAʻole maʻalahi ke kūkā ʻana i kēia mea a koi aku i nā mākau a me ke oʻo. ʻO ka manawa pinepine kahi paʻa e pili ana i kekahi mea nui e like me nā keiki a kālā paha, ke hōʻike maopopo ʻia e like me: "Pehea e hiki ai iā mākou ke holomua me kā mākou moekolohe ke hiki ʻole iā mākou ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i x; pehea e hiki ai iā mākou ke hoʻonā x inā ʻaʻole mākou e moe? "
Kaha ʻia, kani lapuwale kēia catch22, akā hiki ke holomua i mua e hōʻoia ʻo kēia ke ʻano maoli. Ke paʻa like kekahi mau ʻelua e like me kēlā, pono i kekahi o nā hoa e loaʻa ka koa e nāwaliwali a neʻe mua. Hiki iā ia ke hoʻoulu i ka hoa ʻē aʻe e lilo i koa hou i ka manawa aʻe.
ʻAʻole hiki iā mākou ke noho pū me ka "mea a mākou e aloha ai" no ka mea maʻamau kēlā kanaka kahi o ko mākou manaʻo.
Hoʻopili pinepine ʻole mākou i kēlā kiʻi a makemake ʻole e hāʻawi iā ia no ka mea ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻole o kahi hoa ʻiʻo a me ke koko. ʻO ka maʻi pīpī porn kahi hōʻailona o kēia mau wanana a me ka hōʻemi ʻana i ka hiki ke hoʻokele me ka palekana ma waena o nā moemoeā, nā makemake, a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo.
ʻ advislelo ka haku mele a me ke kumu ʻo Robert Bly i nā kāne a hoʻi i kā lākou moʻoʻōlelo. Aia kēia hana hohonu i ka nānā ʻana ma lalo o ka ʻilikai i kā mākou hemahema ponoʻī a me ka ʻae ʻana a me ka ʻae ʻana iā lākou ma ke ʻano he kanaka. Hoʻopili pū me ka nānā ʻana i nā maka o kā mākou hoa, kaʻana like ʻana i kā mākou mau manaʻo hihiu loa a me nā hōʻoluʻolu ʻole, e ʻae nei e hōʻeha paha ke kamaʻilio ʻana iā lākou a kala aku iā ʻoe iho a me kāu hoa pili no ke ʻano kanaka a hewahewa hoʻi.
Koho i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻole ma luna o kahi manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole
Ke aʻo nei kahi ʻāpana nui o ka ulu ʻana e koho i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻole ma luna o ka manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole.
Ke hiki i nā māhoe ke hui e like me ʻelua mau mākua, ua kaʻawale a hoʻohui ʻia, hana lākou i mea hou, ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o ka huina o nā ʻāpana. Hoʻomaopopo lāua ʻelua i kā lākou mau pono a me nā palena. Ke hāʻawi manuahi nei kēlā me kēia me ka loaʻa me ka mahalo, a me ka manaʻo ʻole.
ʻIke nā hoa ʻelua i ko lākou ikaika a me kā lākou palena a mai hoʻohilahila e pili ana i kā lākou hemahema a i ʻole ke ʻano kanaka o kā lākou hoa. Hiki ke ulu ke ʻano o ke aloha a me ka hauʻoli i kēia ʻano hui me kahi lumi e lawa ai nā minamina a me nā mea hōʻeha pū kekahi.