Ma luna o 88% o nā ʻōpio ʻōpio i manaʻo he ʻuhane ko lākou ma kahi e kali ana iā lākou, e like me kahi noiʻi a ka National Marriage Project ma Rutgers University. ʻIke loa, hoʻolaha ka manaʻo o kahi hoa ola ... akā he ʻoiaʻiʻo anei? No hea mai kēia huaʻōlelo? He mea weliweli paha ka hilinaʻi nui i kahi manaʻo e aneane hiki ʻole ke hōʻoia?
No ka poʻe he nui, ka manaʻo o ka hoa ʻuhane i hoʻokumu ʻia i ka hopena, ka makemake o ke Akua, a i ʻole ke ola hou ʻana o kahi aloha mua. ʻAʻole maopopo i kekahi poʻe i ke kumu o ko lākou manaʻoʻiʻo i ka manaʻo o kahi hoa ʻuhane akā manaʻo nui lākou ua makemake ʻia lākou e noho me hoʻokahi kanaka kikoʻī i kēia honua.
ʻO ke kumumanaʻo o kahi hoa ʻuhane he mea hoʻopunipuni-ʻo ka manaʻo e hiki i kekahi kanaka ke hoʻopau pono, a i ʻole ma ka liʻiliʻi e hoʻopiha iā mākou, he nani loa. Inā a inā ʻike mākou i ko mākou ʻuhane maoli, ʻaʻole mea nui kā mākou kīnā ʻoiai e lako pono ko mākou ʻuhane e lawelawe a kaulike i kēia mau hemahema.
Ke maikaʻi nā manawa, maʻalahi e manaʻoʻiʻo i ka mea āu e noho pū ai hiki i kou ʻuhane. Akā ke paʻakikī nā mea, hiki ke lulu i kēia hilinaʻi like. He aha inā ʻoe i hewa - pehea inā ʻaʻole maoli kēia kanaka i kāu hoa ʻuhane? He ʻoiaʻiʻo, ʻaʻole e hoʻohoka loa kāu hoa ʻuhane ʻoiaʻiʻo iā ʻoe, mai kuhi hewa ʻole iā ʻoe, mai hōʻeha iā ʻoe. Maliʻa paha aia kāu ipo ʻuhane maoli ma kahi ʻē, ke kali nei iā ʻoe.
ʻOiai ʻaʻole hiki ke hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻia ka manaʻo o ka hoa kāne, ʻaʻole hiki ke hōʻole ʻia. No laila he aha nā mea hōʻino e hiki ke hele mai mai ka manaʻoʻiʻo i nā ʻuhane, a i ʻole ka manaʻolana no hoʻokahi? Hiki i ka pilikia ke lilo i ko mākou manaʻo o nā ʻuhane hiki iā mākou ke loaʻa nā manaʻo kūpono ʻole no ke aloha a koi iā mākou e haʻalele i nā pilina i kahi wā e hiki mai ana maikaʻi loa.
ʻLelo ua loaʻa iā ʻoe kekahi mea kūikawā, kahi moho hoa ʻuhane hiki. Minamina, kākaʻikahi ka lani e wehe a hāʻawi i kahi hōʻailona maopopo ʻo ka mea āu e noho pū nei ʻo ia ʻo “ʻo ia.” Me ka ʻole o ia ʻano hōʻoia, he mea maʻalahi ke hoʻāpono iki i kahi "kalepa ʻuhane" i ka minuke e hoʻomaka ai kāu aloha e lilo i kahi hauʻoli iki.
ʻO kahi noiʻi he 20 mau makahiki e Paul Amato, Ph.D., ma Penn State, e hōʻike ana he 55 a 60 pākēneka o nā kāne hemo i haʻalele i nā ʻuniona me ka hiki maoli. ʻO ka hapa nui o kēia mau poʻe i hoʻomau i ko lākou aloha i kā lākou hoa akā ua luʻuluʻu a manaʻo paha ʻaʻole i hoʻokō ka pilina i kā lākou mea i manaʻo ai.
Kīloi pinepine ʻia nā pilina kūpono, ʻaʻole ma muli o nā pilikia i hiki ʻole ke hoʻihoʻi ʻia, akā no ka mea ʻaʻole i ana iki kā mākou hoa i nā manaʻo aloha i loaʻa iā mākou i loko o ko mākou poʻo. ʻO ke kikoʻī i ka wā lōʻihi, pili pili a i ʻole ka male ʻana, hoʻopau ʻana i kahi pilina paʻa no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻoe 100% hou hou i ka manaʻo ʻo kāu hoa pili he kuleana ʻole kāu ʻuhane.
ʻAʻole ia e ʻōlelo e noho mākou i nā pilina maikaʻi ʻole, akā, pono mākou e kaupaona i nā pono o ka pilina. Ma muli o ka wehewehe pono ʻana i ka mea e kūpono ai i ke kanaka e lilo i kou ʻuhane he paʻakikī loa ia, e hoʻāʻo e loiloi i kou pilina ma kahi o nā kumuwaiwai e like me ke aloha, ka mahalo, a me ka launa pū. Me ke kānalua ʻole, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kekahi mau hakakā me nā mea ʻē aʻe. Akā ʻo ka pono kūpono ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e pono ʻoe e kaʻana like i nā ʻano pilikino a i ʻole hoihoi i kāu hoa.
E ola maikaʻi paha nā ʻuhane ... malia ua pōmaikaʻi ʻoe i ka loaʻa ʻana o kāu. ʻO ka mea nui ka mea nui inā ʻaʻole ka hiki i kā mākou pakanā ke hoʻoholo i kahi hoʻokolohua ʻuhane pohihihi. ʻO ka mea nui ka hilinaʻi i ka hiki iā mākou ke hoʻomau i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka nani, ka ikaika, a ʻae, ke aloha ʻoiaʻiʻo, i kā mākou pilina me ke kanaka a mākou e noho pū nei.