ʻO wau: "ʻAʻole ʻoe e lawe i nā ʻōpala i waho!"
Kāne: "ʻAʻole pololei kēlā."
ʻO wau: “ʻAʻole ʻoe e hoʻolohe iaʻu!”
Kāne: "ʻAe."
ʻO wau: "No ke aha ʻoe e kuke ʻole ai i ka ʻaina awakea naʻu?"
Kāne: "Hana wau."
Hana ʻia kēia ʻano kamaʻilio maddening liʻiliʻi i nā manawa āpau. Huhū iaʻu, no ka mea pono ʻo ia. ʻO kāna mau pane he pololei ʻenehana. He mea ʻole ua kuke ʻo ia iaʻu i ka ʻaina awakea pālua i ka makahiki i hala, he pane loea maoli nō ia. Akā ʻaʻole kēlā ka mea e hoʻohoka iaʻu. ʻO kāna pale ʻana. Ma kahi o kaʻae ʻana me aʻu, ke pale nei ʻo ia iā ia iho. ʻAʻole wau makemake e hoʻopaʻapaʻa e pili ana i ka pololei o kaʻu ʻōlelo, makemake au i ʻelua mau mea: makemake au i ke aloha a makemake wau i kahi mea e loli.
Makemake wau iā ia e ʻōlelo:
“E kala mai iaʻu ʻaʻole i lawe aku i ka ʻōpala i ka pō nei. Hoʻohiki wau e hana wau i kēia pule aʻe. ”
a
“Auē, ʻaʻole ʻoe e lohe ʻia, e kuʻu ipo. E kala mai iaʻu. E ʻae ʻoe iaʻu e hoʻokū i kaʻu hana a hele mai e nānā i kou mau maka a hoʻolohe i kāu mau ʻōlelo āpau. "
a
“E kala mai iaʻu ua kaumaha ʻoe i ke kuke ʻana i ka ʻaina awakea noʻu i nā pō nui loa. Mahalo nui wau i kāu kuke ʻana. A pehea hoʻi inā kuke wau i ka ʻaina awakea i hoʻokahi pule? ”
Ahhhh. ʻO ka noʻonoʻo wale ʻana iā ia e ʻōlelo nei i kēlā mau mea e hōʻoluʻolu iaʻu. Inā ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia i kēlā mau mea, e aloha wau a mālama ʻia a hoʻomaopopo a mahalo ʻia.
ʻO ka Defenceness kahi ʻano paʻa hohonu, no kākou āpau. ʻOiaʻiʻo mākou e pale iā mākou iho, he kūlohelohe ia e like me ke kau ʻana o kou mau lima i kou alo ke pili ana kahi mea iā ia. Inā ʻaʻole mākou i pale iā mākou iho, ʻeha mākou.
Eia nō naʻe, i loko o kahi pilina, ʻaʻole kōkua kahi pane pale. Waiho ia i ka manaʻo o ka mea ʻē aʻe e nānā ʻole ʻia, e like me ka mea a lākou i ʻōlelo ai he mea ʻole, he ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻole, a he hewa paha. Hoʻopili ia i ka pilina, hana i kahi mamao aku a he hopena make ia i ke kamaʻilio ʻana. ʻO Defensiveness ka ʻaoʻao o ka mea kōkua maoli i ka pilina ma ke ala: ke kuleana no kā mākou hana ponoʻī.
ʻO John Gottman, ka mea kānalua o ka poʻokela poʻokela poʻokela o ka honua i ka noiʻi male, ua hōʻike ʻo ia ka pale ʻana i kekahi o nā mea i kapa ʻia ʻo “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” ʻO ia, ke loaʻa i nā kāne kēia mau ʻano kamaʻilio ʻehā, ʻo ka likelike o ka hemo ʻana he 96%.
Ke hilinaʻi nei wau i ka haʻalele ʻole ʻana (akā hoʻi) ʻaʻole wau makemake i kēlā mau kika, no laila makemake wau i kaʻu kāne e haʻalele i ka pale ʻana.
Akā koho ʻoe? ʻO kekahi o nā holo lio ʻehā ʻē aʻe ka hoʻohewa. A hiki iaʻu ke hilinaʻi i ka pale ʻana o kaʻu kāne i ka pane ʻana i ka hōʻino mai iaʻu.
He aha inā ma kahi o ka ʻōlelo ʻana "ʻAʻole ʻoe e lawe i nā ʻōpala!" ʻLelo akula wau, “E ka mea aloha, ke lawe nui nei wau i nā ʻōpala i kēia mau lā, a ua hoʻoholo mākou ʻo kāu hana kēlā. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke hoʻi i ka pōpō me kēlā? ” A pehea e pili ana inā ma kahi o "ʻAʻole ʻoe e hoʻolohe iaʻu!" ʻLelo akula wau, “E aloha, aia ʻoe ma kāu kamepiula ke haʻi aku wau iā ʻoe e pili ana i koʻu lā, ʻano ʻē wau i nānā ʻole ʻia. A hoʻomaka wau e hana i kahi moʻolelo āu e makemake ai e heluhelu i ka nūhou ma mua o ka lohe e pili ana i koʻu lā. " A pehea inā hele wau i waho a nīnau inā e kuke ʻo ia iaʻu i ka ʻaina ahiahi pinepine? ʻAe, manaʻo wau e ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kēlā mau mea.
Pehea mākou i manaʻo ai he maikaʻi ke waiho i kahi hoʻopiʻi me kā mākou hoa ma ke ʻano o ka hoʻohewa. Inā he haku koʻu, ʻaʻole loa wau e ʻōlelo i koʻu haku, "ʻAʻole loa ʻoe e hāʻawi i kahi hoʻonui!" He hoʻohenehene kēlā. E hōʻike wau i kaʻu hihia no ke aha e pono ai wau i hoʻokahi a noi no ia. ʻAʻole wau e ʻōlelo i kaʻu kaikamahine, "ʻAʻole ʻoe e hoʻomaʻemaʻe i kāu mau mea pāʻani!" Minamina wale kēlā. Akā, hāʻawi wau iā ia i nā kuhikuhi maopopo, pinepine a pinepine, e pili ana i ka mea aʻu e manaʻo ai. ʻAʻole kēia male i kēia mau hanana no nā kumu he nui, akā he aha ka mea like is hoʻohenehene maoli a me ke aloha i ka pae "ʻaʻole loa ʻoe" nā hoʻopiʻi i kāu wahine.
Hewa.
Paʻapū. He paʻakikī ʻaʻole e hōʻino a paʻakikī hoʻi ʻaʻole e pale aku.
I kekahi manawa, haʻi wau i kaʻu kāne i kaʻu makemake e ʻōlelo ʻo ia ma kahi o kāna pane pale-akā-ʻoiaʻiʻo. Kōkua paha kēlā i kahi mea liʻiliʻi, no ka mea i kekahi manawa loaʻa wau i kahi pane empathy hou ke hoʻopiʻi wau. Akā ke hele wau i luna o kaʻu pāʻani, noi wau i kahi hana. Maikaʻi loa nā do-overs. Hoʻopaʻa wau iaʻu iho ma ke ʻano koʻikoʻi a laila ʻōlelo wau, “Kali! Holoi i kēlā! ʻO kaʻu e manaʻo ai e ʻōlelo ... "ʻAʻole kokoke kēlā i nā manawa aʻu e makemake ai, akā ke hana nei wau. Ke hana nei wau ma ia mea no ka mea ʻaʻohe mea e makemake e hōʻino ʻia, a ʻaʻole nō wau makemake e mālama i ke kāne aʻu e aloha ai pēlā. (Hoʻohui, ʻike wau ʻaʻole hiki i ka loiloi ke loaʻa iaʻu ka pane aʻu e makemake ai! Inā hiki iaʻu ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka mea aʻu e makemake ai a pono ai ma kahi o ka hoʻohewa, e ʻoluʻolu aʻe kāua. A maopopo leʻa ʻaʻole mākou e pau i ka haʻalele ʻia.