Anter
- 1. Aloha i kou kaila makua
- 2. Hilinaʻi i ka kaila a nā mākua me kāu makua
- 3. Hilinaʻi hiki i kāu keiki ke mālama iā ia
- 4. Mai hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kekahi i kekahi - e hana ma ke ʻano he kime!
ʻO ka co-makua kekahi o nā pilikia nui loa a nā mākua e kū nei ... a ʻo ia kekahi o nā kumuhana maʻamau a kaʻu poʻe noi e nīnau mai nei iaʻu. Nānā ʻole i ke kūlana pilina ma waena o nā mākua, inā male, male male, hoʻokaʻawale, ʻokoʻa kū kēia mau pilikia. Eia ke kumu: i kēlā me kēia manawa e hoʻomaka pū kekahi mau mea ʻelua i kahi huakaʻi, e hoʻokau nui kā lākou kuanaʻike a me nā waiwai i ke ʻano o kēlā me kēia kūlana. ʻOkoʻa ka makua ma mua o nā huakaʻi ʻē aʻe, akā, no ka mea, ʻo ka hana āu i hoʻonoho ai e hoʻopiha e hāpai i kahi kanaka, a nui ka ikaika e kūleʻa ai. ʻAʻole ia he mea kupanaha no ka hoʻoholo ʻana o nā mākua, a laila, paʻa i ka nui o ke kaumaha a hiki ke hoʻoulu i waena o nā mākua.
ʻOiai he maʻamau a maʻamau kēia ʻike, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo he maʻalahi! Akā aia paha he ala e hōʻoluʻolu ai i kekahi o nā pilikia a hoʻomaikaʻi i kāu "pilina hana" me kahi makua ʻē aʻe o kāu keiki ...
ʻO kekahi o nā kumu nui e paʻakikī ai ka noho makua ʻana ka manaʻo e pono ai nā mākua ma ka ʻaoʻao like. He kaʻao makua kēia e lawelawe ʻole ana iā ʻoe a i ʻole i kāu hoa makua. I mea e kūlike ai ka makua, pono nā mākua ʻelua e hoʻopaʻa a hoʻohana i nā palena like, nā waiwai, a me nā hoʻolālā. Ma muli o kā lākou mau kuanaʻike ponoʻī, eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole paha e kaʻana like nā mākua ʻelua i ka manaʻo like i kēia mau wahi āpau. Ma kahi o ka hoʻokau ʻana i kekahi i kekahi i ka makua inauthentically, no ke aha e paipai ʻole ai i kekahi i kekahi e aloha i kāu ikaika makua ʻokoʻa, e hana ana i kāu pilina me ka ʻoi aku ka ikaika ma mua o kekahi o ʻolua i hiki ke kaʻawale? Eia pehea:
1. Aloha i kou kaila makua
I mea e aloha ai i kāu kaila ponoʻī pilikino, pono mua ʻoe e ʻike i ke ʻano o kou ʻano makua, e koi ana i ke kūkulu ʻana i ka ʻike i kou ʻano a me ka hoʻokokoke ʻana i nā pilikia o nā mākua. Ua kūkulu hou ʻia ʻoe, a i ʻole maʻalahi hoʻi? Mahalo ʻoe i ke kākoʻo hānai, a i ʻole maʻa mau ke koʻikoʻi? E hoʻoholo i nā ʻāpana o nā mākua e manaʻo maʻalahi ʻole ai iā ʻoe, a ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī a paʻakikī hoʻi.
Ke hoʻoholo nei i kāu waiwai he wahi kupaianaha ia e hoʻomaka ai. Inā he makua ʻoe e mahalo nui i ka aʻo, malia paha e hoʻonui ana ʻoe i ka manawa e hoʻāʻo e aʻo i kāu keiki e mahalo pū i ka naʻau, a kākoʻo iā lākou i nā pilikia aʻo. Pēlā nō, inā mahalo ʻoe i ke aloha a me ka pilina kanaka, eia nā haʻawina e hiki ai iā ʻoe ke ulana i nā wā makua. Ke hoʻoholo nei i kāu mau waiwai kiʻekiʻe e hiki ke lawe i ka mōakāka i nā wahi o ka makua kahi āu e hoʻopili ai, a me nā wahi o ka makua ma kahi āu e makemake ai e hana i kekahi mau loli i mea e makua ai. Ke ʻike ʻoe i ka mea āu e hoʻāʻo nei e aʻo a no ke aha, e ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi o ka makua mai kahi o ka hilinaʻi a me ka congruence.
ʻOiai ka makua congruent loa, e loaʻa ana nā wahi nāwaliwali. He mea maʻamau ka manaʻo e like me nā wahi kahi ʻaʻole ʻoe ke kanaka maikaʻi loa no ka hana. E ʻoluʻolu, e aloha iā ʻoe iho ke kū mai kēia. He maʻamau ia e like me ka ʻoluʻolu ʻole. Pono e hānai ʻia nā keiki i ke kaiāulu. ʻO ka ʻōlelo kahiko e lawe ai i kahi kauhale e kuhikuhi nei i kēia ʻike. Hiki i kēia mau ʻāpana o ka "nāwaliwali" ke lilo i mau manawa kupanaha e aʻo i kāu keiki i nā haʻawina hohonu ʻelua: pehea e aloha ai i kēlā me kēia ʻāpana o ʻoe iho-ʻo ia hoʻi nā mea āu e ʻike ai he kīnā ʻole, a pehea e ʻimi ai i ke kōkua a me ke kākoʻo ke pono ʻoe. ʻO kēia kahi e hilinaʻi nei ʻaʻole wale iā ʻoe iho, akā ʻo kou hoapili pū kekahi, lilo i ʻike i ka hui hoʻoikaika.
2. Hilinaʻi i ka kaila a nā mākua me kāu makua
ʻO ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana e pili ana i nā pono o kāu kaila makua e kōkua koke ana iā ʻoe e ʻike pū i nā pōmaikaʻi i ke kaila makua o kāu hoa. Ke ʻimi nei ʻoe i nā ikaika, hiki i kou lolo ke hoʻomaopopo iā lākou me ka maʻalahi. Hoʻohui ʻia, akaka paha i kahi e hoʻopiʻi ʻia ai kou hoahānau.Ke kono aku nei au iā ʻoe e kūkā kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka mahalo a me ke kaila o nā mākua ʻelua i kēlā me kēia, a me nā wahi e ʻike ai kekahi o ʻoukou i ka nalo a kākoʻo ʻole ʻia paha. Inā ʻaʻole kāu kūlana mākua kahi e ʻike ai ka kamaʻilio hāmama a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, mai makaʻu. Inā ʻae ʻoe e hilinaʻi iā ʻoe iho a me ka makua ʻē aʻe, e hoʻomāmā ana ia i ka pilikia ma ka ʻōnaehana holoʻokoʻa.
ʻO ka pukana maʻamau i lawe ʻia mai iaʻu i nā kamaʻilio pilikino makua ʻana he ʻokoʻa ʻokoʻa kēlā me kēia mākua, a i ʻole “ʻaʻole loaʻa.” ʻO ka mea nui e maopopo ai i kēia kūlana (a ʻo ka mea ʻoi loa ka paʻakikī) ʻo kēia mau ʻokoʻa kahi waiwai nui. ʻO nā ʻike honua, nā waiwai, a me nā hoʻokokoke ʻana e kōkua i ke kaulike i nā poʻe ʻelua e hoʻohuli i ka ʻōnaehana ʻohana. Lawe pū kekahi i nā mea hou aku i nā keiki e hoʻohuli ʻia ana. Eia kahi laʻana: i loko o kahi ʻohana hoʻokahi aia kekahi makua e hana nui a maʻalahi hoʻi i ka noʻonoʻo, a hoʻokahi makua e mahalo i ke kūkulu a me nā hana maʻamau. ʻOiai e hoʻopaʻapaʻa paha lākou e pili ana i ka manawa o ka hana home, ʻo ka mea hiki ʻole paha iā lākou ke ʻike pehea lākou e hoʻohuli ai i kekahi i kekahi a hana pū i kahi nohona home me ke kaulike o ka hana a me ke kūkulu ʻelua. Eia hou, ua aʻo kā lākou mau keiki i nā ʻano ʻokoʻa ʻelua e hoʻokokoke i nā hanana i ko lākou ola iho.
I nā ʻano kūlana like ʻole, me ka nānā ʻole i kou pilina me kou hoahānau, ʻo ka haʻalele ʻana i ka kaohi kekahi o nā pilikia nui loa. ʻAʻole "ma ka ʻaoʻao like" e like me kou ʻohana makua ʻaʻole ia e hoʻokele i nā kūlana makua āpau. ʻOi loa i nā kūlana o ka hemo a me ka makua hakakā kiʻekiʻe, hiki i ka haʻalele ʻana i ka kaohi ke manaʻo he hiki ʻole. Ma ke ʻano he makua, makemake ʻoe e hōʻoia i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka mālama maikaʻi loa i kāu keiki, ʻo ia hoʻi ka makaʻu loa i kēia hana. E nīnau iā ʻoe iho i nā nīnau aʻe, a e lilo lākou i alakaʻi i ka hilinaʻi ʻana i kāu hoa makua: Makemake paha koʻu makua kāne i ka mea maikaʻi no kā mākou keiki (ren)? Manaʻo paha koʻu ʻohana makua a manaʻoʻiʻo he pōmaikaʻi kā lākou hana makua? ʻO koʻu makua makua me ke ʻano palekana i kā mākou keiki (ren)? Inā hiki iā ʻoe ke pane ʻae i kēia mau nīnau, he aha ka mea e kāohi ai iā ʻoe i kou hilinaʻi?
3. Hilinaʻi hiki i kāu keiki ke mālama iā ia
"Akā, ʻaʻole kēia e huikau i kaʻu keiki?" Aʻole iki! ʻO ke kaulike wale nō e pono ai kāu keiki ʻo ke kūlike o kēlā me kēia. E kupu mai ana ka huikau inā ʻaʻole paʻa ʻoe i kāu kaila makua, a no laila komo ʻoe i ka flip-flopping makua. ʻO ka weliweli o ka flip-flopping ʻaʻole ʻike kāu keiki i ka mea e manaʻo ai e pili ana i nā palena, nā palena, a me nā hopena, a ʻo ka hopena e hopohopo a e kakali paha.
He hiki i kāu keiki ke aʻo mai a pane i nā ʻano makua ʻelua. Inā kūpaʻa ʻolua a me kāu hoapili i kāu hana makua, e ʻike ana kāu keiki e pane ana ka makua # 1 ma kekahi ʻano kikoʻī, a pane aʻe ka makua # 2 ma kekahi ʻano ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻohe manaʻo a hopohopo paha ma laila. Hoʻohui, loaʻa iā ʻoe ka pōmaikaʻi hoʻohui o ke aʻo ʻana i kāu keiki ma o ka ʻike e hiki i ʻelua ala ʻokoʻa e hoʻokokoke i nā pilikia i hāʻawi ʻia.
ʻAʻole ʻoe e manaʻo i ke kumu a kāu keiki e "hāhai i kāu mau lula" i ka lā kula, no laila no ke aha ʻoe e manaʻo ai e hana pēpē? ʻO ka ʻokoʻa o ka ʻike, ʻaʻole kūlike, ʻo ia ka mea e hoʻāla i ka ulu, hoihoi, a me ka hana a kāu keiki.
4. Mai hoʻohaʻahaʻa i kekahi i kekahi - e hana ma ke ʻano he kime!
ʻO ka pahuhopu nui loa i kēia ʻano hoʻohālikelike o nā mākua ʻo ia kēia: e hoʻāʻo nō kāu keiki, e hoʻowalewale i kahi kūlana ma ke kaulike ʻana iā ia me nā mākua a lākou e ʻike ai e makua maikaʻi aʻe iā lākou i kahi manawa kikoʻī. ʻO ka lāʻau lapaʻau i kēia lāʻau ʻino ka kamaʻilio. Inā ua hoʻoholo ʻia e kekahi makua, he mea nui ia e mahalo ka makua ʻē aʻe iā ia. ʻO nā hoʻoholo i hoʻoholo ʻia a i ʻole nā hopena i hāʻawi ʻia e waiho mau inā aia ka makua ʻē aʻe i ka "hana." ʻO ka manaʻo o kēia e pono i nā mākua ʻelua e wikiwiki i nā mea i hoʻoholo ʻia i ka wā i noho ʻole ʻia ai lākou, i hiki ai iā lākou ke hana e like me ka mea.
ʻO ka mākaukau e noi no ke kākoʻo kekahi mākau koʻikoʻi i ka co-makua. Inā ʻoe e luhi, hoʻowalewale ʻia, a i ʻole e hakakā maʻamau nei me kahi ʻaʻa makua, ʻo ka loaʻa ʻana o kou makua me ka "paʻi iā ʻoe" kahi ala maikaʻi loa e mālama ai iā ʻoe iho a hōʻike i kāu hoa makua hilinaʻi ʻoe a mahalo iā lākou. Inā aia kahi ʻāpana o ka makua ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu a kamaʻāina ʻole paha, e ʻoluʻolu e nīnau i kāu hoahānau pehea lākou e hoʻokokoke ai a hoʻāʻo i ko lākou ala. ʻO kāu mea kōkua he waiwai pū kekahi a he kumu o ka ʻike. ʻO lākou wale nō ka mea ʻē aʻe e ʻike i kāu keiki, a me nā pilikia kikoʻī o ka makua ʻana i kāu keiki, a ʻo ʻoe pū kekahi.
ʻO ka mea hope loa, ʻo nā ʻāpana nui o ka co-makua ka hilinaʻi, ka mahalo, a me ke kamaʻilio. ʻAʻole kēia mau hana liʻiliʻi; hiki iā lākou ke paʻakikī e hoʻomaʻamaʻa no kekahi mau kumu. Inā ʻoe a ʻo kāu makua ʻohana paha e hakakā nei i kekahi o kēia mau ʻāpana, e ʻoluʻolu e hoʻomanaʻo i ka ʻimi ʻana i ke kākoʻo makua a i ʻole nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo a nā kāne a me nā kāne / male paha ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e hāʻule ana ʻoe - he maʻalahi ia i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana iā ʻoe iho a me ka mālama pono ʻana iā ʻoe iho. ʻO ka hana makua kekahi o nā hana paʻakikī loa o kēia ao, a maikaʻi ʻole nā lā maikaʻi ʻole. E lilo i makua maikaʻi loa hiki iā ʻoe, i kekahi manawa pono ʻoe i kahi kākoʻo keu.