Marriage.com: E haʻi iki iā mākou e pili ana iā ʻoe iho a me kāu puke Angel On A Surfboard: A Mystical Romance Novel e ʻimi nei i nā kī i ke aloha hohonu.
ʻO David Essel: ʻO kā mākou puke mele mele mystical keu kūʻai aku maikaʻi loa, ʻo "Angel On A Surfboard", kekahi o nā puke kū hoʻokahi aʻu i kākau ai.
A ʻo ke kumuhana nui e pili ana i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i nā mea e ālai iā mākou mai ka hoʻokumu ʻana i ke aloha hohonu. Ua hala he ʻekolu mau pule a ua huakaʻi wau i waena o nā mokupuni ʻo Hawaiʻi e kākau i kahi puke, a he mea kupaianaha loa ka hopena.
ʻO kaʻu puke 10 kēia, ʻehā o lākou i lilo i mea kūʻai aku helu ʻekahi, a ʻoiai ke kamaʻilio nei mākou e pili ana i nā kāne a me ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pōmaikaʻi nui ʻia kēlā me kēia kanaka o ka honua e ka heluhelu ʻana i kēia puke.
Ua hoʻomaka wau i ka honua o ka ulu pilikino 40 mau makahiki i hala, a hoʻomau i kēia lā me he mea kākau lā, kākāʻōlelo a me Master Life Coach. Hana mākou me nā poʻe mai ka honua holoʻokoʻa i kēlā me kēia lā o ka pule ma o ke kelepona, Skype a lawe pū mākou i nā mea kūʻai aku ma kā mākou keʻena ʻo Fort Myers Florida.
Marriage.com: He nui nā kāne e hakakā nei me ka kaʻana like ʻana i ko lākou naʻau, ʻaʻole kēia ka manawa mua a kekahi i hāpai ai i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ke ʻole ʻoe e hoʻololi i kēia, e hoʻopiha ʻia ka hapa nui o kāu mau pilina me ka haunaele a me nā hana keaka.
No ke aha mai kēia? No ke aha i paʻakikī ai nā kāne i ka launa pū ʻana, a kaʻana like ʻana i ko lākou naʻau a me nā pilina?
ʻO David Essel: He maʻalahi ka pane: ka ʻike nui.
ʻAneʻane kēlā me kēia kāne i hānai ʻia i ka ʻAhahui i kēia lā e hoʻopuni ʻia e nā kāne i aʻo ʻole ʻia pehea e launa ai me ko lākou mau manaʻo iho a me ka hohonu e pono ai e hoʻomaopopo i ko mākou naʻau a me kekahi o haʻi. No laila ke hānai ʻia ʻoe i kahi kaiāulu e mahalo ʻole ai i kahi kanaka hiki ke kamaʻilio i kona mau manaʻo, e makaʻu ka hapanui o nā kāne mai ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e ʻimi i kēlā ʻaoʻao o ko lākou ola.
ʻO kēia hiki ʻole ke hana i nā manaʻo a kamaʻilio pū kekahi e hōʻemi i ka ʻike i ka makemake o ke kāne i ka pilina.
1. Marriage.com: He aha kekahi mau ala e hiki ai i nā kāne ke aʻo e kamaʻilio kūpono?
ʻO David Essel: ʻO ka helu ʻekahi, ma ke komo pū ʻana me ko lākou mau manaʻo a me ko lākou naʻau. Hana maʻalahi kēia. I kā mākou kau ʻana me nā kāne e makemake ana e lilo i mea kamaʻilio maikaʻi aku, ua noi mua wau iā lākou e hoʻomaka e kamaʻilio me lākou iho.
Ke manaʻo nui lākou, ua noi wau iā lākou e puke pai e pili ana i ka mea i hoʻokumu i kēlā pīhoihoi. Inā huhū maoli lākou, he hana hoʻoikaika kino kā lākou e kōkua ai i ke kiʻi ʻana no ke kumu a lākou huhū, huhū a huhū paha.
Inā luhi lākou, naʻu lākou e kākau e pili ana i nā mea e hana nei i ko lākou ola e hana nei i ka luhi.
I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, inā hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻopili maikaʻi me kāu mau manaʻo ponoʻī, loaʻa iā ʻoe kahi manawa kūpono e hōʻike ai iā lākou ke pono.
2. Marriage.com: Pehea e hiki ai i kahi kāne hilahila loa paha i kā lāua pili ke noi aku i kāna hoa no ka ʻānai i hope? ʻO ia kahi mea a nā kāne e makemake ai akā ʻaʻole e noi, makaʻu i ka snubbed.
ʻO David Essel: Maʻalahi loa kēia! Hāʻawi i ka hāʻawi i kāu hoa i kahi kuʻi i hope mua. Hoʻomanawanui i ka hana. E hāʻawi iā lākou i ka backrub kupaianaha loa i loaʻa iā lākou i ko lākou ola.
A laila, e nīnau iā lākou inā makemake lākou e hana like iā ʻoe, i kēia lā a i kekahi lā ʻē aʻe. E hāʻawi iā lākou i nā koho!
Wehe kēia i ka puka e noi i kāu mea e makemake ai, ma ka hāʻawi ʻana i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe i makemake mua ʻia e lākou.
3. Marriage.com: ʻO kekahi o nā mea a nā kāne e makemake ai i ka pilina ʻoi aku ka nui o kā lākou ola wahine. He aha nā ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo maikaʻi no nā kāne e makemake ana e nīnau i kā lākou hoapili no ko lākou ola moekolohe e loaʻa ka nui o nā ʻano?
ʻO David Essel: ʻO ka luhi ʻana o ka moekolohe ka mea maʻamau i nā pilina wā lōʻihi. ʻO ke kāne e makemake ana i nā ʻano like ʻole e hoʻomaopopo pū kekahi e hōʻole ʻia ʻo ia a maikaʻi.
ʻOiai makemake ʻoe i kahi mea, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e makemake like kāu pakanā, no laila pono mākou e wehe i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo inā e kūkākūkā mākou i kahi mea e like me nā ʻano moekolohe hou e lilo lākou i mea pale, a manaʻo paha lākou ʻAʻole lawa lākou e like me lākou.
E hoʻomaka wau i ke kamaʻilio ʻana me ke kamaʻilio ʻana o kaʻu mea kūʻai aku i kā lākou hoa pili e pili ana i nā mea e hana nei i ka moekolohe a lākou e hauʻoli ai, maikaʻi loa kā lākou hoa.
Wehe mākou i ka puka no ka mea ʻoi aku ka makaʻala i ka moekolohe ke hoʻopiha mākou i kā mākou hoa i ka mea a lākou e hana nei i kēia manawa a mākou e aloha nui ai.
ʻO ka hana hou aʻe e nīnau i ka hoa aia kekahi mau kūlana moekolohe a i ʻole nā mea pāʻani a lākou i hoʻohana ʻole ai akā makemake mau lākou?
Ua makemake paha ʻoe e pāʻani i ka moekolohe? I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, e nīnau wau iā lākou i nā nīnau e pili ana i ka mea a lākou e makemake ai e hana i ka moekolohe ʻokoʻa, ma mua o ka hāʻawi ʻana i kā mākou hoa i kekahi manaʻo i ka mea a mākou e makemake ai.
Hiki iā ʻoe ke nīnau iā lākou inā makemake lākou e nānā i nā CD aʻo moekolohe, aia he mau kaukani ma ka mākeke, a i ʻole inā makemake lākou e kipa i kahi loea e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i kā lākou pili pili ma o ka moekolohe a me nā ʻano aloha ʻē aʻe.
ʻO kekahi o nā mea a nā kāne e makemake ai i loko o ka pilina he ola wahine pīhoihoi ia, me ka nui o ka lumi no ka mea hou, ʻaʻole naʻe ma ka lilo o ka hōʻeha ʻana i kā lāua hoa.
E kau mua iā lākou i ke kamaʻilio ʻana, a e hōʻiliʻili ʻoe i nā makana ma ke ala.
4. Marriage.com: I ka gamut o nā mea a nā kāne e makemake ai i ka pilina ka mahalo. Pehea ka nīnau a ka hoa kāne e pili ana i ka hoʻohanohano iki? ʻOiaʻiʻo, hana i kēlā mea he nui.
ʻO David Essel: Inā ʻaʻole mākou e mahalo ʻia mai kā mākou hoa, e hoʻomākaukau, na mākou ia hewa, ʻaʻole na lākou. Aʻo mākou i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe pehea e mālama ai iā mākou, he ʻōlelo kahiko ia 100% pololei.
ʻO Codependance, i kaʻu hana, ʻo ia ka mea nui nui loa i ka honua, a inā pili ʻoe me kāu pakanā, ʻaʻole lākou e mahalo iā ʻoe. No nā wahine, ke ʻike nei iā lākou iho e ʻimi nei i kahi pane i ka nīnau, "pehea ʻoe e hana ai i kahi kāne e hoihoi iā ʻoe?"
Inā ʻoe e haʻi aku i kekahi, ʻaʻole ʻoe mahalo i ka nui o kā lākou inu ʻana, a i ka manawa ʻona a pau e ʻona ʻoe e lawe ana ʻoe i kahi lā 90 mai ka pilina, e mahalo wale kāu pakanā iā ʻoe inā ʻoe e ukali ma hope. kāu mau ʻōlelo.
No laila inā inu hou lākou, a mai hoʻokaʻawale ʻoe iā lākou no 90 mau lā, e mahalo ʻole lākou iā ʻoe a he hoʻokahi laʻana kēlā.
Ke haʻi aku mākou i kahi hoa, ʻaʻole mākou makemake e hana lākou iā XY a i ʻole Z, a hana lākou ia mea, a ʻaʻohe o mākou hopena, ua pau kā mākou mahalo piha. A e lilo kā mākou mahalo piha inā ʻaʻole mākou e makemake e ukali i kā mākou ʻōlelo ponoʻī.
5. Marriage.com: ʻO kekahi o nā mea a nā kāne e makemake ai i ka launa pū, ʻo kā lākou hoa wahine e hoʻomaka ana. He aha kāu e haʻi aku ai i ka hoa kāne e makemake ana i kā lākou mea nui e neʻe mua i kā lākou pilina?
ʻO David Essel: E haʻi wau iā lākou e nānā no kahi hoa luna. Lohe nui lākou, malia paha he introvert, a inā makaʻu lākou i ka neʻe mua a laila e ʻike lākou i ka mea makaʻu ʻole i ka neʻe mua, kahi mea e alakaʻi i ka pilina.
6. Marriage.com: Pehea e hiki ai iā ia ke haʻi aku i kāna hoa e pono ʻo ia i ke kākoʻo naʻau?
ʻO David Essel: Pono kēlā me kēia i ke kākoʻo naʻau, i kekahi manawa ʻoi aku ka pinepine ma mua o nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. ʻO kekahi o nā ala nui e loaʻa ai ke kākoʻo naʻau e loaʻa i kahi kanaka e hoʻolohe iā ʻoe me ka ʻole o ka ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo.
Aʻo wau i kaʻu mau kāne kāne āpau, ke noho lākou i lalo a makemake lākou e kamaʻilio me kā lākou hoa pili e pili ana i kekahi koʻikoʻi a lākou e hele nei, e hoʻomaka i ka ʻōlelo me kahi mea e like me "Makemake wau e kaʻana like i kekahi mea koʻikoʻi maoli i koʻu ola i kēia manawa. , Makemake au inā ʻoe e hoʻolohe wale, e paʻa i koʻu lima akā mai hāʻawi iaʻu i kahi ʻōlelo aʻo. Pono wau e hemo i kēia umauma. "
He ʻano hoʻokalakupua kēia i kāna hana.
7. Marriage.com: E ʻōlelo mākou makemake wale ʻo ia e pili pū me kāna mau hoaaloha i kēia pō?
ʻO David Essel: ʻO ka mea nui ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i ka hoʻokaʻawale ʻana i ka manawa mai kā mākou pilina ʻo ia ka hāʻawi ʻana i ka ʻike i kā mākou mau hoa e hele mākou me nā hoaaloha i kekahi lā a me kekahi manawa.
I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, inā ʻike ʻoe e pāʻani ana ʻoe i mau kāleka me kou mau hoaaloha i ka pō Pōʻahā aʻe, a kali ʻoe a hiki i ka Pōʻakolu e haʻi aku i kāu hoa, ʻaʻole kūpono loa ia.
Ke ʻike ʻoe e hoʻolilo manawa ana ʻoe me nā hoaaloha, pono mākou e kaʻana like no laila aia nā mea āpau ma ka moku.
8. Marriage.com: Pehea e hiki ai i kahi kanaka hilahila loa i kā lāua pili ke nīnau aku i kā lāua hoa e pono ai i kahi manawa wale nō?
ʻO David Essel: I ke kamaʻilio ʻana, e ʻae hou wau, no ka mea he mea nui kēia, ʻo ka hōʻole ka ʻāpana o ka pāʻani.
E hoʻomaopopo, inā ʻoe e pono ka manawa, ʻaʻole ʻae paha kāu pakanā a makemake ʻole paha iā ia akā ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hāpai i ko lākou mau manaʻo me mākou.
Pono mākou i ka ikaika e hōʻike iā lākou e lilo ana mākou i ka manawa e hana ai iā ABC, ʻo kēlā me kēia, a pono ka downtime no kēlā me kēia me kēlā me kēia pilina. Ma waena o kekahi mau mea a nā kāne e makemake ai i ka pilina, he manawa kūpono kūpono a inā ʻoe he wahine e heluhelu ana i kēia, hiki iā ʻoe ke hōʻike i kahi aloha i kou beau ma o ka ʻae ʻana i kēlā.
ʻO nā kāne e hana pū nei i nā "mea āpau", puhi maʻamau.
9. Marriage.com: he aha nā ala maikaʻi e nīnau ai nā kāne i kā lākou hoa makemake lākou e hōʻike iā lākou i ka moekolohe ma mua o ka mea a lākou e kiʻi nei?
ʻO David Essel: E hoʻomaka mau me kahi mahalo. "Aloha au i ke ala āu e hana ai i ka moekolohe waha iaʻu, ʻaʻole ia he mea kupanaha i kēlā me kēia manawa!"
A i ʻole kāu ʻāpana punahele o ka moekolohe me kāu hoapili, hoʻopiha iā lākou. Mai hoʻopunipuni, akā e hoʻomaikaʻi iā lākou a me nā mea a lākou e hana nei me ka maikaʻi.
A laila ma hope o kēlā, hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻōlelo "aloha nui wau i kāu hana ʻana i ka moekolohe waha iaʻu, a ke noʻonoʻo nei inā hiki iā ʻoe ke hana i kēia". ʻO kēlā me kēia "kēia".
I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, hilahila ka nui o nā hoa inā ʻoe e ʻōlelo iā lākou "e puhi i koʻu noʻonoʻo e hōʻike iaʻu i kēlā me kēia hana moekolohe āu e loaʻa ai", akā inā ʻoe e alakaʻi mālie iā lākou i kēlā ala, e wehe koke lākou.
10. Marriage.com: Ma hope o hoʻokahi pule lōʻihi o ka hana, ʻo ka hopena pule paha ia, a ʻo kou makemake wale nō na kāu hoapili e alakaʻi i nā mea a lākou e hana ai i kēia pō. Pehea e hiki ai iā lākou ke lawe i kēlā me ka ʻole?
ʻO David Essel: Paipai pinepine wau i ka poʻe e kamaʻilio ākea ākea, e waiho wale ia ma ka laina.
“E kuʻu ipo, ua pupule kēia pule, e noi ana wau iā ʻoe e hele i mua e hoʻolālā i kēia pō, e hana wau i nā mea āu e makemake ai inā he kiʻi ʻoniʻoni ia, ʻaina ahiahi. E noi wale wau iā ʻoe e mālama ma aneʻi i kēia pō, e ʻike au iā ʻoe ma ka hola ʻehiku.
Pono e hoʻouna i kēia ʻano leka uila a leka uila paha i ke kakahiaka a i ʻole i ke kakahiaka nui, e hāʻawi ana iā lākou i ka manawa nui e noʻonoʻo ai. Inā hoʻokuʻi lākou i hope a ʻōlelo ʻaʻole ʻike lākou, e hoʻokuʻu.
A i ʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke noi iā lākou e hoʻolālā no ka pō e hiki mai ana inā manaʻo lākou e kau ma kahi e hana ai i kēia lā. No nā wahine, ʻo kekahi o nā mea a nā kāne e makemake ai iā ʻoe e mālama a kāhea ana i nā pana i nā lā hoʻolālā i kekahi manawa, no laila hiki iā ia ke leʻaleʻa ʻoiai e hoʻomaikaʻi ana i kāna mau hōkū no ka pae ʻana mai me kahi hoa kupaianaha.