Anter
Ke hana nei wau me nā kāne ma ka mākau kamaʻilio no nā makahiki he nui. ʻO ke kōkua ʻana i ka poʻe e kamaʻilio pū me ka kūleʻa a manaʻo hoʻi i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana hiki ke hele i kahi ala lōʻihi i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i nā pilina. Aia kekahi kumumanaʻo e pili ana mai nā makahiki 1950 a ʻo ka hapa nui o nā kāne e pili koke ana. Kapa ʻia ʻo “Transactional Analysis.” Hele ia e like me kēia ...
ʻO ka wahine # 1 - "ʻAʻole ʻoe e kōkua iaʻu e hoʻomaʻemaʻe a puni ma aneʻi! Maʻi wau.! ”
ʻO ka wahine # 2 - "ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke lawe i kāu nīnū iaʻu i nā manawa āpau!" ... hele wāwae, kīkē i ka puka.
He aha ka hana ma aneʻi? ʻĀ, e like me ka Transactional Analysis, loaʻa iā mākou a pau nā wahi ʻekolu mai loko o mākou ke kamaʻilio pū me kekahi. ʻO lākou ka wahi MAKUA, ka CHILD wahi a me kahi ADULT ... a hele mākou āpau i loko a waho o kēia mau manaʻo noʻonoʻo i ka lā holoʻokoʻa.
Hele mai mākou mai ko mākou wahi MUA ke lohe mākou i nā huaʻōlelo e puka ana mai kā mākou waha e like me "Pono ʻoe ..." "ʻAʻole ʻoe ..." "Mau ʻoe ..." "Manaʻo ʻoe ..." Kēia manaʻo kau ʻia mai ka mea a mākou i lohe ai i kā mākou mau mākua e ʻōlelo mai ai iā mākou, nā kānāwai, nā lula kaiāulu, etc.
I ko mākou wā liʻiliʻi, ua hana mākou i ke kamaʻilio ʻia ʻana e like me kēia. I ka wā o nā mākua, ke hele mākou i waho, walaʻau, kipi, a i ʻole pani ʻia mākou e hele mai nei mai kā mākou wahi CHILD. E hoʻolōʻihi i kahi manawa e noʻonoʻo ai pehea ʻoe i pane ai i ke koʻikoʻi ma ke ʻano he kamaliʻi. E nānā i nā mea like i kāu hana i kāu wahine ma ke ʻano makua?
ʻIke ʻoe, hana ʻia kahi mea hoʻomākeʻaka ke kamaʻilio pū mākou me haʻi. Loaʻa iā lākou kēia mau wahi ʻekolu i loko e pili ana lākou i ke kamaʻilio ʻana, a hiki ke wānana ʻia ka launa pū ʻana. Ke hele a manaʻo ʻole ʻole kekahi i loko o ko lākou leo MAKUA manaʻo ʻia e hana me ka manaʻo ʻole o kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe mai kā lākou wahi keiki. E nānā i kā mākou laʻana ma luna.
Hele mai ka wahine # 1 mai kā lākou leo MAKUA. "ʻAʻole loa ʻoe e kōkua iaʻu e hoʻomaʻemaʻe a puni." Ke hana lākou i kēlā Spouse # 2 react mai kā lākou wahi CHILD. "ʻAʻole hiki iaʻu ke lawe i kāu nīnū iaʻu i nā manawa āpau!" ... hele wāwae, kīkē i ka puka.
He aha ka mea e hiki ai iā mākou ke hana?
Once mākou ma luna o ka makahiki 18 mākou i kēia manawa makua. Mahalo, he wahi ADULT kā mākou i loko o mākou. ʻO kā mākou leo ADULT ka mea a mākou e hoʻohana maʻamau ai i ka hana a i ke kamaʻilio ʻana me kahi loea o kekahi ʻano. He mālie, hānai, kākoʻo a kamaʻilio ko mākou leo ADULT e pili ana i nā pono.
ʻO kā mākou pili pono, ke kamaʻilio ʻana me kā mākou wahine e pili ana i kahi mea e hoʻopilikia nei iā mākou, e ʻōlelo ADULT iā ADULT. Kūkākūkā mākou mai kahi o nā pono a hoʻāʻo e ʻimi i kahi hopena e holo pono no nā kānaka ʻelua. E hoʻi hou i kā mākou laʻana a ʻike i kahi ala hiki i kēia mau mea ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka hale kolohe ADULT to ADULT.
ʻO ka wahine # 1 – “E ka meli, kaumaha nui wau i koʻu hele wāwae ʻana i ka hale ma hope o ka hana a aia nā mea pāʻani a puni ka papahele. ʻAʻole nō i pau nā kīʻaha mai ke kakahiaka. Hoʻopilikia maoli nō ia iaʻu! E mākaukau anei ʻoe e hoʻāʻo i nā keiki e ʻohi i kā lākou mea pāʻani a hoʻopau i nā ipu mai ka ʻaina kakahiaka ma mua o koʻu hoʻi ʻana i ka hale i ke ahiahi? ”
ʻO ka wahine # 2 – “E kala mai iaʻu ua kaumaha ʻoe. I kekahi manawa ua kaumaha wau iaʻu iho me nā mea āpau e hana ana ma aneʻi no laila maopopo iaʻu. E mākaukau wau e hoʻāʻo i nā keiki e ʻohi i kā lākou mea pāʻani, akā he hana paha ia e holo nei. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke kōkua iaʻu i ka hana ʻana i nā pāʻina kakahiaka, ma ka hana ʻana i kāu mea ponoʻī i ke kakahiaka a laila e hana wau i ke koena ke hala ʻoe? "
ʻO ka kamaʻilio ʻana me kekahi e like me kēia he paʻakikī paha i ka hoʻomaka, akā maʻalahi ka maʻalahi me ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa a me nā hopena hou aʻe. ʻO ka mea nui e hoʻomanaʻo ai makemake ʻoe e hoʻonā i ka pilikia. ʻO ka hana ʻana ma ke kime e lilo i ala olakino e hoʻokokoke aku i nā pilikia ma mua o ka hana maʻalahi ʻana me ka naʻau o kēia manawa. Hiki i kēia ʻenehana ke hana i kahi hoʻomaʻamaʻa. Hiki i kahi mea lapaʻau loea ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻomaikaʻi i kāu mākau kamaʻilio i hiki ai iā ʻoe ke hoʻi i kahi maikaʻi o kāu pilina - aloha kekahi i kekahi!