Anter
ʻO kekahi mau kāne aʻu i ʻōlelo aʻo aku ai i kēia manawa, ʻo Tonia lāua ʻo Jack, ʻelua a ʻelua paha mau makahiki, ua male hou no ʻumi mau makahiki a hānai i ʻelua mau keiki, he ʻuhane kā lāua mai ka pilina ma mua i loaʻa ka hopena i kā lāua kamaʻilio ʻana.
I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, manaʻo ʻo Tonia ʻo nā pilikia i loaʻa iā ia ma kāna male mua i kekahi manawa ua ʻino ke nānā ʻana iā Jack a no laila ua manaʻo ʻo ia e hoʻopau i kā lāua male.
Hōʻike ʻo Tonia: “He aloha a he kūpaʻa ʻo Jack akā i kekahi manawa hopohopo wau e luhi ʻo ia i kaʻu mau pilikia āpau a haʻalele wale. Me he mea lā ke kali nei wau i ka hāʻule o ka kāmaʻa ʻē aʻe no ka mea ua haʻalele kaʻu ex iaʻu a nui koʻu hopohopo e pili paha mākou i ka hopena. Kūkākūkā mākou e pili ana i nā mea lapuwale a hoʻāʻo ʻelua e hōʻoia he pololei mākou. ʻO kēia ke alakaʻi i kahi pōʻai kūpilikiʻi o ka hakakā ʻana a hoʻāʻo nei e hōʻike i kekahi i kekahi. ”
Nā hakakā ikaika
ʻO ka hana i hoʻopau ʻole ʻia a Tonia e wehewehe nei hiki ke alakaʻi maʻalahi i nā manaʻo ʻeha a me nā hakakā ikaika ma waena ona a me Jack.
Hoʻokomo pū ʻia lāua ʻelua i ka manaʻoʻiʻo he pololei a ke hoʻāʻo nei e hōʻike i kahi manaʻo. A ʻo kahi hopena he mea nui ia e ʻike pono ua lohe ʻia kekahi i kekahi a pane lākou i kahi ʻano e ʻoluʻolu ʻia e lāua ʻelua.
Wahi a Dr. ʻO John lāua ʻo Julie Gottman, nā mea kākau ka ʻepekema o nā Couples a me Family Therapy "Pono nā hoa ʻelua e hana no ka pono o kekahi ʻē aʻe i mea e kūkulu ai i ka metric hilinaʻi. ʻAʻole hāʻawi ʻia ka pane e kiʻi, hāʻawi wale ʻia e hāʻawi. ” No Tonia a me Jack e noʻonoʻo pono i ka palekana o ka hilinaʻi ʻana o kekahi i kekahi, e komo i kahi pilina maoli ma kahi e loaʻa ana iā lāua (akā ʻaʻole naʻe) o kā lāua mau pono e pono ai, pono lākou e hōʻoki i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hōʻoia he pololei a hoʻopau i nā hakakā ikaika.
Kuhi ʻo Tonia penei: “Inā hiki iaʻu ke palupalu iā Jack a hopohopo ʻole no ka noho kaʻawale a hōʻole ʻia paha, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o nā mea. ʻIke ʻo ia ua haʻalele wau i nā pilikia e hōʻoki iaʻu mai ka hiki ʻole ke haʻi aku iā ia i kaʻu mea e pono ai. Ma muli o ka haʻalele ʻana o kāna wahine mua iā ia no kekahi kāne ʻē aʻe, loaʻa iā ia kāna mau pilikia ponoʻī me ka hilinaʻi. Makaʻu mākou ʻelua i ka pili pilikino no nā kumu like ʻole. "
I ka hana ʻana Mālamalama Maʻalahi, Kauka Harville Hendrix, a me Kauka Helen LaKelly Hunt e ʻōlelo nei ʻo ke koʻikoʻi o ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe he mea nui ia o nā kāne e hoʻōla nei i nā ʻeha o ka wā kamaliʻi. Hiki iā ia ke hāʻawi iā lākou i ka ikehu e hoʻōla i nā "maka maka" mai nā pilina mua.
Akā inā maopopo a lawelawe ʻia i kahi ala olakino, hiki i nā hakakā ikaika ke hāʻawi i ka ikaika i nā kāne a me nā pilikia e hiki ke lilo i kumu no ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi pilina ikaika a me ka resiliency ʻano like me he kāne.
Ua wehewehe ʻo Kauka Harville Hendrix lāua ʻo Helen LaKelly Hunt, "Hōʻike mau ka mana ikaika ma hope o ka pau ʻana o" Romantic Romantic ". A e like me "Love Romantic", he kumu ko ka "Power Struggle". ʻO kāu kaulike ka mea e hoʻohiluhilu ai kāu male (ke haʻalele ʻoe i ka pono no ke ʻano like.)
He male male
Inā he pilina maoli kāu male e kōkua iā ʻoe e ulu ma ke ʻano he kāne a pākahi, hiki iā ia ke kōkua iā ʻoe e hoʻopau i nā hakakā mana. Hiki wale nō kēia ʻano male inā loaʻa iā ʻoe ka launa me kekahi, hana i ka hoʻokō e ʻae i nā ʻokoʻa a kekahi a ulu pū.
Loaʻa ka kemika a me ke kūlike me hoʻokahi kanaka hiki. ʻO ke kelekema kahi pilina naʻau a noʻonoʻo paha i waena o nā kānaka ʻelua a he mea paha ia e manaʻo nui ai kahi mau kāne a ʻumeʻume kekahi i kekahi.
Hiki ke wehewehe ʻia ka laulima ma ke ʻano he pilina maoli me kahi hoa āu e mahalo ai. Makemake ʻoe a mahalo hoʻi ʻo wai lākou a pehea lākou e lawe ai iā lākou iho i ka honua.
I ka hoʻomaka o kahi pilina, makemake mākou e hōʻike i kā mākou mea maikaʻi loa a ʻike wale i ka mea maikaʻi loa i kā mākou mau hoa. Akā e pau mau kēlā ʻāpana melemona, a hiki i ka disillusionment ke komo i loko. Kōkua kahi hoa kākoʻo iā ʻoe e hoʻokele i ka wānana ʻole, e loli mau ana i ke ʻano o ka nohona e like me ka hōʻike ʻia ʻana o kou nāwaliwali a kū aʻe nā manaʻo kūlike ʻole.
Hiki i ke kemika ke kōkua iā ʻoe e pale i nā ʻino o ke ola, akā hiki i ka hoʻokaʻaʻike ʻana iā ʻoe ke hoʻonohonoho i nā pahuhopu a loaʻa ka manaʻo like i kāu pilina. I kēia lā, nui nā kāne e hoʻāʻo e loaʻa kahi "Marriage Marriage" - kahi male ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o kēlā me kēia kanaka - ʻano e nā kāne e kōkua ana i kekahi i kekahi e ulu a ulu i ka wā makua.
Wahi a Hendrix lāua ʻo LaKelly Hunt, ʻo ka hoʻōla ʻana i ko kā lāua wā ʻeha ma ka puʻuwai o ka “Partnership Marriage.” Hiki i nā kāne a nā hoa ke hoʻoponopono i nā hakakā ikaika a pale i ka hōʻino ʻana i kekahi i kekahi ke loaʻa ka manaʻo ʻokoʻa.
I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, inā ʻaʻohe kūlike o nā hoa, e nānā paha lākou i ka pilina hohonu a me ke kākoʻo mai kekahi. Ma kēia ala, e lawe kekahi i kekahi i kekahi i kekahi i nā manawa o ka pilikia ma mua o ke kuhikuhi ʻana i ko lākou mau manamana lima i kekahi i kekahi a i ʻole ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e loaʻa ka mana a i ʻole ka kaohi.
ʻO kahi laʻana, makemake ʻo Jack e loaʻa kahi kekelē laepua ma ka ʻoihana a ʻike ʻo ia e makemake ʻo Tonia e wehe i kahi kula liʻiliʻi pilikino e kākoʻo ana i nā keiki me ka autism a me nā maʻi ʻōpio ʻē aʻe.
ʻO ka hoʻokō ʻana i kēia mau pahuhopu e koi lākou e hana pū ma ke ʻano he kime e kākoʻo kekahi i kekahi a me kā lāua mau keiki ʻelua i ke kiʻi ʻana iā lākou.
Kuhi ʻo Jack penei: “Ua hana hewa wau i loko o kaʻu male a makemake wau e haʻalele i ka nānā ʻana i ka hewa o Tonia a hana i kā mākou hoʻolālā e loaʻa pū kahi ola nui. Ke hoʻomaka pinepine mākou i ka hakakā ʻana, no ka mea he pilikia kā mākou ʻelua mai ka wā i hala e pili ana i ka hana a kekahi me kekahi. "
Ke nānā nei i ke aloha nui ke hele ʻoe i kahi wahi ʻoʻoleʻa i kāu male a male hou paha hiki ke hele i kahi mamao e hana i kahi naʻau palekana kahi e hiki ai iā ʻolua ke holomua. Hiki i kēia ʻupena palekana ke kōkua i ka hoʻolauna ʻana i ka pili a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana me ka ʻole o nā mea lanakila a me nā mea eo (ʻaʻohe mea e lanakila). Lanakila ka pilina ke hana ʻolua i kahi hopena ma waena o ka pōʻaiapili o kahi pilina aloha.
E hoʻopau me nā huaʻōlelo kupaianaha a ka mea kākau ʻo Terrence Real: “Lula: ʻO ka pilina maikaʻi ʻaʻole ia kahi e hōʻalo ʻia ai nā ʻāpana maka o kā mākou iho. ʻO kahi pilina maikaʻi kahi e mālama ʻia ai. A ʻo ka pilina maikaʻi kahi pilina e ola ai lākou. "