Anter
- Nā mea huna i ka lua o ka male male
- Laʻana: ʻO ka hihia hihia o Eva a me Conner
- E hana i kahi kūpaʻa e hoʻolilo manawa me kāu hoa
- Nā Ritual e hoʻohui hou i kāu pilina
- 1. He hana maʻamau o ka hui hou
- 2. ʻAi pū i ka ʻai me ka ʻole o ka manawa kānana
- 3. Hoʻokani i kāu mele punahele e hauʻoli i ka wining a me ka hulahula ʻana
- 4. Lawe i nā hana i kēlā me kēia lā
- ʻO ʻoe wale nō ka mea hoʻoholo i aneʻi!
Nui a hewahewa nā kaʻao e pili ana i ke komo a mālama ʻana i kahi male kūleʻa me kekahi mea i nakinaki i nā kaula ma mua e like me ka manaʻoʻiʻo e hiki i kāu hoa ke pale aku i nā ʻeha e like me ke koʻikoʻi kālā a hoʻokuʻu i nā ukana mai kā lāua male mua.
Ma hope o nā mea āpau, pono lākou e aʻo i nā haʻawina mai kā lākou male mua a me ka hemo.
Wahi a nā mea kākau, ʻo Hetheringston, Ph.D, E. Mavis, a me John Kelly, i loko o kā lākou puke i kapa ʻia ʻo 'For Better Or For Worse: Divorce Considered,' ua ʻōlelo ʻoiai ʻo 75% o ka poʻe hemo ka mea e male hou ana, ʻo ka hapa nui o kēia mau male e hāʻule ma muli o nā pilikia i ke alo o nā kāne hou. Kū aʻe kēia mau pilikia i kahi manawa a lākou e hoʻāʻo nei e kūkulu i kahi pilina i ka wā e hoʻomaʻamaʻa ana, a e hoʻohui nei, nā ʻohana e kū nei a me nā moʻolelo pilina paʻakikī.
Kakaʻikahi nā kāne i hoʻomaopopo i ka hoʻomaka ʻana i ka paʻakikī a me ke koi ʻana i ka mare hou.
Ke hoʻomaka a mare hou nā kāne, ʻo ke kuhi hewa pinepine a lākou e hana nei ke manaʻo nei e hāʻule nā mea āpau i kahi a holo maʻamau.
ʻOi aku ka momona o ke aloha i ka manawa ʻelua a ʻekolu paha, akā i ka manawa e pau ai ka hauʻoli o kahi pilina hou, ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ke komo ʻana i ʻelua mau ao kūʻokoʻa i hoʻokumu ʻia.
Nā mea huna i ka lua o ka male male
ʻO nā maʻamau maʻamau a me nā ʻano mākua, nā pilikia pili kālā, nā mea pili kānāwai, nā pilina me nā kāne ma mua, a me nā keiki a me nā keiki hānau, hiki ke ʻokiʻoki i ka pili loa o ka male hou.
Inā ʻaʻole ʻoe i hoʻokumu i kahi pilina ikaika a nele i nā pono hana e hoʻoponopono ai i nā haʻihaʻi o kēlā me kēia lā i ke kamaʻilio ʻana, pau paha ʻoe i ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i kekahi i kekahi ma mua o ke kākoʻo ʻana.
Laʻana: ʻO ka hihia hihia o Eva a me Conner
Ua kāhea ʻo Eva, 45, kahi kahu hānai a me nā makuahine o ʻelua mau kaikamahine a ʻelua mau makahiki kula, a me ʻelua mau keiki wāwae iaʻu, no ka mea aia ʻo ia ma ka hopena o kāna kaula.
Ua male ʻo ia iā Conner, 46, he mau keiki ʻelua mai kāna male ʻana he ʻumi mau makahiki i hala, a he ʻelua a ʻeono a me ʻewalu mau kaikamahine a lāua mai ka male ʻana.
Ua hoʻokau ʻo Eva e like me kēia, “ʻAʻole au i noʻonoʻo e paʻakikī ana kā māua male i kēia kālā. Ke uku nei ʻo Conner i ke kākoʻo keiki no kāna mau keikikāne a ke hōʻea nei mai kahi hōʻaiʻē a kāna wahine mua i haʻalele ʻole ai. ʻO Alex, kāna keiki hiapo, ke hele nei i ke koleke a ʻo kāna muli loa, ʻo Jack, ke hele nei i kahi hoʻomoana pipiʻi i kēia kauwela e hoʻopau nei i kā mākou waihona panakō. "
Hoʻomau ʻo ia, “He ʻelua keiki kā mākou a ʻaʻole lawa ka kālā e hele a puni. Kūkākūkā pū mākou e pili ana i kā mākou ʻano makua no ka mea ʻoi aku wau i ka palena palena a ʻo Conner he mea hoʻokūʻē. ʻO nā mea a kāna mau keikikāne e makemake ai, loaʻa, a ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke hōʻole i kā lākou mau koi palena ʻole. "
Ke noi aku wau iā Conner e kaupaona i nā nānā a Eva, ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia ʻike ʻo ia i kahi hua o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo iā lākou akā ua hoʻonui ʻo Eva no ka mea ʻaʻole ia i hoʻokokoke aku i kāna mau keikikāne a huhū iā lākou.
Hōʻike ʻo Conner, "Ua ʻike ʻo Eva he pilikia koʻikoʻi kaʻu i kaʻu male mua i ka wā i lawe ai kaʻu ex i kahi hōʻaiʻē, ʻaʻole i uku ʻia, a laila haʻalele i kāna hana i ka wā o kā mākou hemo ʻana i hiki ai iā ia ke loaʻa hou ke kākoʻo keiki. Aloha wau i kaʻu mau keiki āpau a me kaʻu mau keikikāne, ʻo Alex lāua ʻo Jack, ʻaʻole pono e ʻeha no ka mea ua haʻalele wau i ko lāua makuahine. He hana maikaʻi kaʻu a inā e noho manawa ʻo Eva me lākou, ʻike ʻo ia he keiki maikaʻi lākou. ”
ʻOiai he nui nā pilikia a Eva a me Conner e hana ai ma ke ʻano he kāne hou, ua hoʻoholo mua lāua e hoihoi lāua i ke kākoʻo kekahi i kekahi a makemake e lilo i kumu moe o ko lāua ʻohana.
Ke hana nei i kahi kūpaʻa i ka hilinaʻi a mahalo i kāu hoa hiki ke hoʻoikaika i kāu male ʻelua.
Pono ka ikaika o kāu pilina a kau ʻia ma ka premise āu e koho ai i kēlā me kēia lā i kēlā me kēia lā a hoʻolaʻa ʻia ʻoe i ka hana pū ʻana i ka manawa me kahi mea nui a waiwai nui ia.
E hana i kahi kūpaʻa e hoʻolilo manawa me kāu hoa
ʻOiai e ninaninau ana i nā kāne he nui no kaʻu puke e hiki mai ana "The Manual Remarriage: Pehea e hana maikaʻi ai i nā mea āpau i ka manawa ʻelua," ua akāka loa kahi mea - nā pilikia o ka male ʻana i kekahi mea i male ma mua (ke loaʻa a ʻaʻole paha) kahili pinepine ʻia ma lalo o ke kapeta a pono e kūkākūkā e pale aku i ka hemo ʻana no nā kāne hou.
He mea ʻole a pīhoihoi hoʻi i kou ola, mai haʻalele i ka hoihoi e pili ana i kekahi i kekahi a hānai i kou aloha.
E hoʻolilo i ka hoʻolilo manawa ʻana i mea nui - e ʻakaʻaka, kaʻana like, kau pū, a aloha kekahi i kekahi.
Koho i kekahi o nā hana i kēlā me kēia lā i lalo a kūpono i kāu papa kuhikuhi i kēlā me kēia lā! Ke haʻohaʻo nei, pehea e hana ai i kahi male? ʻĀ! ʻO kēia kāu pane.
Nā Ritual e hoʻohui hou i kāu pilina
Eia nā ʻano ʻehā e kōkua iā ʻoe a me kāu pakanā e pili pili.
1. He hana maʻamau o ka hui hou
Lilo paha kēia hana i mea nui i hoʻomohala ʻia e ʻolua.
ʻO ka manawa koʻikoʻi o kou male ʻana ka manawa o ka hui hou ʻana a i ʻole pehea ʻoe e aloha aku ai i kēlā me kēia lā.
E mālama pono, pale i nā loiloi, a hoʻolohe i kāu hoa. Lōʻihi paha kahi manawa e ʻike ai i kahi loli i kou mau manaʻo o ka pili loa, akā hiki i kēia ʻano maʻamau ke lilo i mea hoʻonui nui i kāu male ma mua o ka manawa.
E wehe i nā laina o ke kamaʻilio ʻana me ka hōʻoia ʻana i kāna kuanaʻike, ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻae.
2. ʻAi pū i ka ʻai me ka ʻole o ka manawa kānana
ʻAʻole hiki paha ke hana i kēia i kēlā me kēia lā akā inā ʻoe e hoʻoikaika e ʻai pū i nā meaʻai i ka nui o nā lā, ʻike paha ʻoe e ʻai pū ana ʻoe me ka pinepine.
E hoʻopau i ke kīwī a me nā kelepona paʻalima (ʻaʻohe leka uila) a hoʻolohe i kāu hoa. He manawa kūpono kēia e kūkākūkā ai i nā mea e hana nei i kou ola a hōʻike iā ʻoe e maopopo ai ma ka ʻōlelo ʻana i kahi mea e like me, "Me he mea lā he lā huhū kou, e haʻi hou mai iaʻu."
3. Hoʻokani i kāu mele punahele e hauʻoli i ka wining a me ka hulahula ʻana
E kau i kāu mele punahele, e ʻoliʻoli i ke kīʻaha waina a mea inu paha, a e hulahula a / a hoʻolohe pū paha i nā mele.
ʻAʻole e hele maʻa mau ka male ʻana i kāu male ma mua akā e uku ʻia ia ma kahi o ka manawa no ka mea e ʻike ʻoe i ka pili o ka naʻau a me ke kino.
4. Lawe i nā hana i kēlā me kēia lā
Lawe i 2 o kēia mau hana lā pōkole akā ʻoluʻolu hoʻi i lawe i 30 mau minuke a ʻoi iki paha -
- E hoʻopōmaikaʻi i kou lā i kou hōʻea ʻana i ka home ʻoiai ʻoe e ʻapo a noho kokoke paha.
- ʻO Shower a ʻauʻau pū paha.
- ʻAi pū i kahi meaʻai māmā a / a i ʻole kahi mea ʻono punahele pū kekahi.
- Hele a puni ka palaka i nā manawa he nui a loaʻa i kou lā.
ʻO ʻoe wale nō ka mea hoʻoholo i aneʻi!
Aia iā ʻoe ka mea āu e hana ai no kāu hana maʻamau, ʻoiaʻiʻo. I loko o 'Nā Kumu ʻehiku e hana pono ai ka male,' 'ōlelo ʻo John Gottman i kahi ʻano maʻamau o ka hoʻolilo ʻana ma kahi o 15 a 20 mau minuke i kēlā lā i kēia lā me ke kamaʻilio hoʻoliʻiliʻi kaumaha me kāu hoa..
ʻO ke kūpono, pono kēia kamaʻilio e nānā i nā mea āpau i kou manaʻo ma waho o kāu pilina. ʻAʻole kēia ka manawa e kūkākūkā ai i nā hakakā ma waena o ʻolua.
He manawa gula ia e hōʻike ai i ke aloha a kākoʻo i kekahi i kekahi e pili ana i ka naʻau e pili ana i nā wahi ʻē aʻe o kou ola. ʻAʻole kāu pahuhopu e hoʻoponopono i kāna pilikia akā e lawe i ka ʻaoʻao o kāu wahine, ʻoiai inā he kūpono ʻole kā lākou kuanaʻike.
ʻO ke ala ʻoi loa e hana ai kēia e hoʻolohe a hōʻoia i nā manaʻo a me nā manaʻo o kāu hoa a hōʻike i kahi ʻano "kūʻē iā mākou i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe". Ma ka hana ʻana pēlā, ke hele nei ʻoe i ke kiʻi ʻana i kahi male kūleʻa e kū i ka hōʻoia o ka manawa.