Anter
- ʻO ke kiʻi o ka lūlū lima
- Ke wāwahi ka hilinaʻi
- Mai ka hilinaʻi i ka mahalo
- Kaulana
- Manawa kūpono
- Ka lawe-hele
Aia ka male i loko o kekahi mau pili:
- Hoalohaloha
- ʻO ke aloha pilialoha (aloha Eros)
- Pāʻoihana pāʻoihana
- Nā hoa noho (a i ʻole kapa ʻia he mau hoa lumi)
- Nā mākua pilikino (inā he keiki a kā lāua kāne)
ʻO ka launa aloha ka pilina paʻa i hoʻokumu ʻia ai nā pilina ʻē aʻe i helu ʻia ma luna. ʻAʻole kēia ka launa aloha wale nō akā ʻo ka mea nui a pau i luna.
Akā e hoʻomaopopo piha i ka launa aloha ʻana, e pili ana i ka male, pono mākou e ʻimi i kekahi o kāna mau mea nui; ka ikaika o ka hilinaʻi interpersonal. ʻO ka hilinaʻi ma ke kumu nui o ka hana āpau i nā pilina āpau. He mea nui ia i loko o ka pōʻaiapili o ka noho aloha male.
ʻO ke kiʻi o ka lūlū lima
'Saylelo nā Anthropologists ʻo ka hoʻololi kūlohelohe maʻamau ma waena o nā mea he nui i nā ʻano ʻikepili ʻokoʻa, a i ʻole ʻike ʻia ʻo "handshake" nā lā a hiki i kā mākou kūpuna maʻamau ke ʻike ʻia. ʻO ke kumu o ka lululima ʻana he ʻokoʻa loa ia i kēia manawa.
I ka wā mua, he ala ia na nā kānaka ʻelua e hōʻoia i ka paʻa ʻole o kahi mea kaua i hiki iā lākou ke hana ʻino i kekahi. Na kekahi kanaka e hohola aku i kona lima hakahaka, hana nui ʻo ia i kahi ʻano i hele mai ʻo ia me ka maluhia. E ke kanaka ʻē aʻe e hui pū nei me kona lima hāmama, ke hōʻike nei ʻo ia ʻaʻohe ona manaʻo ʻino.
Ma o kēia kiʻi o ka lūlū lima, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i ka hōʻike o ke kumu nui o nā pilina kanaka o ka hilinaʻi. Ka ʻike kumu ma waena o nā kānaka ʻelua a ʻaʻohe mea e manaʻo ʻē aʻe i kekahi ʻino.
Ke wāwahi ka hilinaʻi
I kaʻu ʻike ʻoihana, ua kōkua wau i nā kāne he nui i ola hou ʻole mai ka moekolohe ʻole. E ʻike ai i nā hawewe kūpilikiʻi ma muli o ka haki o ka hilinaʻi ke kolohe ʻole ka hoa e hōʻike ana i ka nui o ia mea.
ʻO ia ʻaʻole hiki ke kōkua i ke ola o ka wahine inā ʻaʻole hiki i kā lāua hilinaʻi. ʻIke wau e nīnau pono ana ʻoe iā ʻoe iho, "Pehea e hiki ai i kahi pālua ke loaʻa hou ka hilinaʻi ma hope o ka hana hewa ʻana a kekahi mea?"
ʻAʻole ia ʻo ka hilinaʻi a ka wahine ma mua i hoʻihoʻi ʻia i ka pō. He hana ia e hoʻomaka lohi a kūkulu ma luna o kēlā me kēia ulu ʻana a hiki i ka nui o ka pae mua o ka hilinaʻi e paʻa ai. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole e hoʻomau ʻia ka hilinaʻi mua. Inā ʻo kēia ka pahuhopu o kekahi o nā kāne aʻu e hana pū nei, ʻike wau e hoʻopili koke i kā lākou mea i manaʻo ai.
Ma ke kumu o ke kūkulu hou ʻana i ka hilinaʻi ka hiki i ka wahine pono e hoʻolōʻihi i ko lākou ʻike e ʻike ai i kekahi ʻano, ʻaʻole hana ka mea hoʻopunipuni i ke ʻano e hana ʻino iā lākou.
Hoʻopili kēia i loko o ke kiʻi lima lūlū.
I kēia manawa, ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo e paipai wau i kaʻu poʻe maʻi e komo i nā kuhihewa kuhihewa. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, ke komo hohonu mākou i nā kumu o ka wahine hoʻopunipuni, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike e hana nei lākou e mālama i ka pilina.
I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ua lilo i pili ʻole ka pilina a kū lākou i mua o ka conundrum o ka hoʻopau ʻana a i ʻole ke kī ʻana i kekahi ʻē aʻe a pēlā e pale ai i ka hoʻokaʻawale. Akā e ʻāpono iaʻu e pili ana i kēlā kiko hope. ʻAʻole pili kēia i kekahi mea hoʻopunipuni no ka mea he kolohe ko lākou a i ʻole kekahi ʻano ʻē aʻe i kū hoʻokahi a ʻaʻole i hoʻokumu ʻia i kekahi ʻano o ka pilina.
A laila, e ka nānā ʻana i nā hopena o ka pili pono ʻole i ka pilina, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i ka hilinaʻi nui. ʻO ka hilinaʻi ka puluniu paʻa e paʻa pū ia.
Mai ka hilinaʻi i ka mahalo
Inā ʻo ka hilinaʻi ke kumu kūpono e kūkulu ai i nā pilina kanaka āpau, a laila ʻo ka mahalo ka pae aʻe. ʻAʻole hiki ke hoa aloha me kekahi āu e mahalo ʻole ai i kēlā me kēia ʻano.
Nānā ʻole i ka maikaʻi i mahalo ʻia, mahalo ka pono o kekahi i kekahi no ka pilina ma waena o ʻelua mau mea e hoʻomau. He mea nui kēia i ka male. E lawe i ka mahalo, a ua like ia me ka lawe ʻana i ka ea mai kahi pāluna ea wela; makehewa ia ma ka manaʻo a me ka syntax.
Kaulana
Pono kekahi mau kānaka ʻelua i ka launa aloha me nā mea like.ʻIke mākou āpau i ka ʻōlelo, "ʻumeʻume nā mea ʻae," a ʻoiai he maikaʻi kēia, ʻaʻole ia he pono i nā mea ʻelua ke loaʻa i nā mea āpau āpau i ke aloha. ʻO ka mea a lākou e like ai pono wale nō e lawa e hana i kahi kumu e hiki ai ke kākoʻo ʻia nā ʻokoʻa.
Mai kēlā manawa, he ʻike maʻamau o nā hanana i hoʻokaʻawale ʻia e lawa pinepine ai e hāpai i nā hoaaloha, a ʻoi loa hoʻi i nā kāne, ma o nā loli pilikino i hele kūlohelohe me ka makahiki a me ka ʻike ola.
Manawa kūpono
E kahaha paha ʻoe i ka helu o nā kāne aʻu e nīnauele ai i ke kau mua ma koʻu keʻena, e haʻi ana iaʻu ʻaʻole lākou e hoʻolōʻihi i kekahi "manawa maikaʻi" me kēlā me kēia pule. ʻO ka maʻamau, ʻaʻole kēia no ka mea ua ulu lākou i makemake ʻole i kēia ʻano manawa, akā no ka loaʻa ʻole o ka prioritizing iā ia i kā lākou hana maʻamau.
ʻO kekahi o nā anuu mua aʻu e paipai aku ai iā lākou e hana ʻo ia hoʻihoʻi i ka manawa maikaʻi i kā lākou pilina. ʻAʻole loa kēia e kahaha iaʻu no ka mea ke noi wau i ka hapa nui o lākou e noʻonoʻo i ka hoʻomaka o kā lākou pili. Hoʻomaopopo lākou āpau ua lilo lākou i ka manawa maikaʻi o ka manawa ma kahi kiko a i ʻole kekahi.
Na ke lawe nei i ka anu u uuku o ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana i ka manawa maikaʻi, ʻike ka mau hoa ma mua i ka hoʻomaikaʻi hou ʻana i ka maikaʻi o ka pilina.
I loko o ke wikiō ma lalo nei, ua ʻōlelo ʻo Dan lāua ʻo Jennie Lok e hōʻike ana i kou aloha ma ka hoʻolilo ʻana i ka manawa kūpono i ka hāʻawi ʻana i kekahi i kāu nānā nui ʻole. E ʻike pehea e hoʻolilo ai i ka manawa maikaʻi me kāu wahine a pakanā paha ma lalo:
Ka lawe-hele
Ma ka mahalo ʻana i ke kūkulu ʻia ʻana o ka male me nā ʻano pilina like a like ʻole a like ʻole, ʻaʻole hiki iā mākou ke hoʻonui i ko mākou ʻike i ka ʻoihana āpau akā kōkua i nā kāne e hoʻomaikaʻi i kā lākou mau male. Ma ka nānā ʻana i ka launa aloha o ka male, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i nā hopena o kona hopena. Ma ka hana ʻana e hoʻomaikaʻi i ka launa aloha o kekahi, hiki iā mākou ke ʻike i ka hoʻomaikaʻi holoʻokoʻa i ka maikaʻi o kā lākou launa ʻana a me ka pili o ka male.
Eia kekahi, no ka mea he mea nui nā mea o ke aloha olakino kokoke i nā pilina kanaka āpau (ʻaʻole i kāpae ʻia ka male ʻana) ʻo ia ka mea nui loa o nā mea āpau. I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, pono kahi mau kāne e hana i kā lāua aloha e hoʻomaikaʻi ai i kā lāua male nui.