Ka mea nui o ka launa wahine i ka pilina

Anter

• He mea nui ka pilina o ka moekolohe
• No laila, no ke aha mākou e hoʻonohonoho mua ʻole ai i ka launa kolohe?
• Ke paʻakikī nei i ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi hoa lawehala e nā mea ʻē aʻe
• ʻAʻole wale ke kamaʻilio ʻana, he kahua paʻa ia

Wahi a ke kolamu aʻoaʻo a me ka podcaster ʻo Dan Savage "ua piha ka hale kupapaʻu pilina i nā pōhaku kupapaʻu e ʻōlelo ana 'maikaʻi nā mea āpau ... koe ka wahine'.

ʻO ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hoa pili moekolohe ma nā ʻano āpau e like me ka mea nui, inā ʻaʻole ʻoi aku ka nui, ma mua o nā ʻano ʻē aʻe o ka pilina a mākou e noʻonoʻo ai. E hōʻehaʻeha ka poʻe i ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi hoa e like like me nā manaʻo politika, haipule, a me nā manaʻo ʻohana. Inā makemake nui ʻoe i nā keiki a ʻaʻole makemake kahi hoa pili, a laila ʻo ia ka mea maʻa maʻamau a me ka hala ʻole no ka hapa nui o ka poʻe. No laila, no ke aha ʻoe e hele aku ai i kahi moe kolohe kiʻekiʻe a he haahaa loa kā kāu hoa pili, he nui ka poʻe e hopohopo ʻole e noʻonoʻo i kahi mea haʻihaʻi pū kekahi.

He mea nui ka pilina o ka moekolohe

ʻAneʻane ʻo kēlā me kēia kāne e hōʻike mai iaʻu i kaʻu hana i kekahi pae o ka moe kolohe. 'Telllelo wau i kēlā me kēia wahine he "canary i ka lanahu" ka moekolohe no nā pilina: ke hele a hewa ʻole ka moekolohe, ʻaneʻane pinepine ka wahine no kahi mea ʻē aʻe i maikaʻi ʻole i ka pilina.

I nā huaʻōlelo ʻē aʻe, ʻo ka moekolohe maikaʻi ʻole kahi hōʻailona, ​​ʻaʻole ka maʻi. A ʻaneʻane hiki ʻole ke pale ʻia, ke hoʻomaikaʻi ʻia ka pilina a laila hoʻomaikaʻi pū ʻia ka moekolohe. Akā pehea e pili ana ke ʻaʻole e "hele" maikaʻi ʻole ka moekolohe, akā maikaʻi ʻole mau ia.

Hoʻokaʻawale pinepine nā kāne male i ka pili ʻole o ka moekolohe.

ʻOi aku ka nui o ka pilina o ka moekolohe ma ka maikaʻi o ka pilina ma mua o ka hāʻawi ʻia ʻana o ka hōʻaiʻē. Pono nā kānaka i ka moekolohe, pono ka moekolohe i ko mākou hauʻoli hauʻoli. Ke hiki ʻole i nā kāne ke hoʻokō i nā pono a me nā makemake o ka wahine, ka hopena maikaʻi ʻole. Akā ua hana kā mākou kaiāulu i ka moekolohe i kapu a ʻike nā kāne i ka pili ʻole o ka moekolohe ke kumu o kā lākou hemo male, hoʻohilahila.

ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi e haʻi aku i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe (a me nā mea lawe noiʻi) ua ʻoi aku ia ma luna o ke "kālā" a i ʻole "makemake lākou i nā mea like ʻole" (ʻo ka maʻamau maʻamau ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ka moekolohe) a i ʻole kekahi trope maʻamau. Akā i koʻu ʻike, ʻaʻole au i loaʻa i kekahi mau mea ua haʻalele maoli i ke kālā, ua hemo lāua ma muli o ka launa ʻole o ke kino

No laila, no ke aha mākou e hoʻonohonoho mua ʻole ai i ka launa kolohe?

ʻO ka hapa nui o ia moʻomeheu. Ua hoʻokumu ʻia ʻo ʻAmelika e nā Puritans, a he nui nā hoʻomana e hoʻohilahila a hōʻino wale i ka moekolohe, ma loko a ma waho hoʻi o ka male. Hoʻohilahila nā mākua he nui i nā keiki no ka pili wahine a me ka masturbation. Nānā pinepine ʻia ka hoʻohana ʻana i nā kiʻi ponokalaa me ke kīnā o ke ʻano, ʻoiai ʻo ka hapa nui o nā mākua e hoʻohana pono i nā kiʻi pono ʻole i kēlā me kēia manawa, inā ʻaʻole maʻamau. ʻO nā hoʻopaʻapaʻa politika i kēia manawa no kahi mea pololei e like me ka kaohi hānau e hōʻike ana e hakakā ʻo ʻAmelika me ka ʻoluʻolu me kā mākou ʻaoʻao moekolohe. ʻO ka ʻōlelo ʻana he "moekolohe" ua lawa ia e hilahila ai kekahi mau mākua makua a ʻoluʻolu ʻole paha i ko lākou mau noho.

No laila, ʻaʻole ia he mea kupanaha e hōʻemi pinepine ka poʻe i kā lākou makemake moekolohe a me ke kiʻekiʻe o kā lākou libido (ʻo ia ka nui o ka moekolohe āu e makemake ai). ʻAʻohe mea e makemake e hōʻike i kahi moekolohe moe kolohe i ka wā mua o ka pili aloha. No laila, manaʻo ʻia ka moekolohe ʻo ka hopohopo lua a i ʻole ke kula nui, ʻoiai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ia ma waena o nā kumu kiʻekiʻe loa no ka male a me ka hemo.

Ke paʻakikī nei i ka ʻimi ʻana i kahi hoa lawehala e nā mea ʻē aʻe

ʻO ka stigma a me ka hilahila ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu nā kānaka i ka hōʻike ʻana i kā lākou mau moekolohe a i ʻole pae o ka makemake. E hele pinepine ka poʻe i mau makahiki, a he mau makahiki paha, me ka hōʻike ʻole ʻana i kahi fetish moekolohe a i ʻole "kink" i kā lākou wahine, a haʻalele iā lākou iho i kahi kūlana hauʻoli mau.

ʻO nā ʻokoʻa o ka pae o ka libido ka hoʻopiʻi maʻamau maʻamau. Akā ʻaʻole maʻalahi kēia ma mua o ka maʻalahi. He stereotype e makemake mau paha nā kāne i ka moekolohe, a makemake ʻole ʻia nā wahine e makemake ʻole ("frigid" e like me ke ʻano i kapa ʻia ai). Eia hou, i kaʻu hana ʻaʻole pololei loa ia. Hoʻokaʻawale loa ia i waena o ke kāne i ʻoi aku ka kiʻekiʻe o ka wahine, a ʻo ka pinepine o ka wahine, ʻo ka wahine paha e ʻoluʻolu ʻole i ka nui o ka moekolohe a ka wahine.

No laila he aha ka mea e hiki ke hana inā ua hoʻokomo ʻoe iā ʻoe iho i kahi pilina kahi e liʻiliʻi ai ka launa kolohe, akā ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e hoʻopau i ka pilina?

ʻAʻole wale ke kamaʻilio ʻana, he kahua paʻa ia

Pono ʻoe e mākaukau e kaʻana like i kāu mau makemake a me kou mau makemake, kāu kinks a me kāu mau fetishes, me kāu hoa. Manawa. ʻAʻohe ala e loaʻa ai ke ola moekolohe hoʻokō inā ʻike ʻole kāu hoa i ka mea āu e makemake maoli ai a makemake ʻole, a hōʻole ʻoe e hōʻike ʻole iā lākou. ʻO ka hapa nui o nā poʻe i nā aloha aloha e makemake e hoʻokō ʻia kā lākou mau hoa, hauʻoli, a ʻoluʻolu hoʻi i ka moekolohe. ʻO ka hapa nui o ka makaʻu i ka poʻe ma ka hōʻike ʻana i ka ʻike pili i ka moekolohe a lilo i mea noʻonoʻo ʻole. Ua nānā au ma luna o kaʻu moena (ʻoi aku ma mua o hoʻokahi manawa) e hakakā ana kahi kanaka e haʻi aku i kā lākou hoa pili i ka hoihoi wahine, i ka manawa wale nō e haʻi ikaika aku ai ka hoa iā lākou e hauʻoli lākou e hoʻokomo i kēlā makemake, akā ʻaʻohe o lākou manaʻo ʻo ia kekahi mea i makemake ʻia.

Loaʻa i kahi hilinaʻi i kāu hoa. E haʻi iā lākou inā ʻaʻole ʻoe ʻoluʻolu i ka nui a i ʻole ke ʻano o ka moekolohe āu e loaʻa nei. ʻAe, i kekahi manawa e hoʻoneʻe ʻia kekahi, a hōʻole loa e wehe i kā lākou ākea a hoʻololi paha i kā lākou repertoire moekolohe. Akā ʻo ia ka mea ʻokoʻa loa, a me kahi ʻano āu e makemake ai e ʻike e pili ana i kāu hoa i ka wā hiki loa.

E ʻōlelo no ʻoe iho. Hōʻike i kou mau makemake. Hāʻawi i kāu hoa i ka manawa kūpono e hālāwai me kāu mau pono. Inā ʻaʻole holo pono kēlā, a laila hiki ke ʻimi ʻia nā koho ʻē aʻe.