Anter
Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Dr. Kūkākūkā ʻo John lāua ʻo Julie Gottman i ka manaʻo o ka manaʻo like i ka male. ʻO ke ʻano kaʻana like ka mea e hui pū ai ka wahine, a like me nā manaʻo āpau, hilinaʻi ia i nā hōʻailona. Pākuʻi ʻia nā laʻana o nā hōʻailona home, kuʻuna, a ʻaina ahiahi, a hiki ke ʻike ʻia ke ʻano o kahi hōʻailona pono me ka nīnau, "He aha ka manaʻo maoli o ka home iā ʻoe?" ʻOiai, ʻoi aku ka home ma mua o nā paia a me ka hale o kahi hale; Aia kahi home a hānai i nā mea a mākou e lana ai ka manaʻo no ka pili, palekana, palekana, a me ke aloha. ʻO ia nō hoʻi ke kikowaena o ka hana no ka ʻohana, inā he ʻelua a ʻohana paha me nā keiki.
ʻO ka hoʻopili ʻana i nā manaʻo ʻokoʻa i nā hōʻailona koʻikoʻi hiki ke hana i ka hakakā a me ka hoʻomaopopo ʻole i ka male, ʻoiai ʻaʻole ʻike a hōʻike ʻia paha kona ʻano. E noʻonoʻo i ke kāne i ulu aʻe i loko o kahi keʻena o loko e like me ke keiki kamakahi a ka makuahine hoʻokahi. ʻO ka home nona kahi wahi e hiamoe ai, ʻauʻau ai, a hoʻololi ai i nā lole, a ʻo ka hapa nui o nā hana kaiaulu a me ka ʻohana, e like me ka ʻai ʻana a me nā haʻawina home, hana ʻia ma waho o ka home. Ua male kēia kāne i kahi wahine i ulu a nui i ka ʻohana nui i pāʻina pū i ke ahiahi ma ka home, a ua ukali pinepine ʻia me ka pāʻani kāleka a i ʻole ke kūkā kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā hanana o ka lā. Ke male lāua, ʻo kekahi o nā pilikia mua a lākou e kū nei, ʻo ko lākou ʻokoʻa ʻokoʻa e noho i ka home i nā ahiahi.
ʻO kahi laʻana: Ke hele wāwae
ʻO ka hele wāwae ʻana kahi mea aʻu i aloha nui ai. Aloha nui wau i ka hele ʻana i ke aumoe, ke kaʻa ʻole nā kaʻa e holo wikiwiki ana ma ke alanui nui o mākou, a ʻaʻole pono wau e ʻalo i nā ʻīlio e hele wāwae a i ʻole nā hoanoho e makemake ana e kamaʻilio. ʻAʻole wau he antisocial, akā ʻoluʻolu e hele wāwae i koʻu manawa mālie no ka noʻonoʻo. ʻO wau, ʻo ka pili o ka pouli a me ka mālie kahi kono ikaika e launa hou me aʻu iho. ʻO kaʻu kāne, ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē, he extrovert ʻaʻole i hauʻoli i ka noʻonoʻo ponoʻī a ʻike i ka hele lohi. Makemake ʻo ia e hele wāwae!
I ka hoʻomaka mua o kā māua male male ʻana ua huhū a huhū wau ʻaʻole ʻo ia e hele pū me aʻu. I ka wā i hiki ai iaʻu ke lawehala iā ia i ka hele pū ʻana me aʻu, ʻaʻole ʻoluʻolu ka ʻike no ka mea ʻaʻole ʻo ia makemake e noho ma laila a huli pinepine kā mākou hele wāwae i nā hoʻopaʻapaʻa. Ua hoʻoholo wau ʻaʻole maikaʻi e noi iā ia e hele pū me aʻu, a hooki wau i ka hana ʻana pēlā. Ua nānā au i ke kumu o ka hele nui ʻana me aʻu. Ua ʻike wau i ka mahele ʻana i kēlā ʻāpana liʻiliʻi o ka manawa pili a me ka manawa i ka hopena o kā mākou mau lā he hōʻailona koʻikoʻi ia naʻu — he hōʻailona o ka pili. Ke koho ʻole kaʻu kāne e hele pū me aʻu, ua unuhi wau iā ia ma ke ʻano he hōʻole ʻana i ka pili ʻo wau, a ua hoʻonāukiuki mai iaʻu. I ka manawa aʻu i ʻike ai ʻo kona nele i ka makemake e hele pū me aʻu ʻaʻohe mea e pili ana i ka hōʻole ʻana iaʻu a i kā mākou male, ua noho wau i loko o kaʻu mau hele kaʻawale.
ʻO ka leʻaleʻa, i kēia manawa ʻaʻole wau e hoʻokuʻi hou iā ia, hui pū kaʻu kāne me aʻu i nā ahiahi ma ka hele wāwae. No ia, he mea hoʻohālikelike ia a me kahi manawa kūpono e noʻonoʻo me aʻu, akā noʻu, pane ia i koʻu makemake e hoʻohui me kaʻu kāne. Ma muli o kā mākou kūkākūkā ʻana, ua hana mākou i kahi manaʻo hou, kaʻana like no kā mākou hele wāwae - kahi manawa a mākou e ʻike ai hiki ke hilinaʻi i kekahi i kekahi e makaʻala, kākoʻo, a "ma laila" no kekahi.
Lawe aku
Pono e ʻike i nā kāne ma hope o kā lākou hōʻailona me kekahi mau nīnau maʻalahi: "He aha ka moʻolelo no ke aha he mea nui kēia? He aha kēia hana i kou mau makahiki e ulu nei? " He aha kou makemake loa i kēia? " Ke hoʻohana nei i nā kamaʻilio a nā kāne, hiki i nā kāne ke aʻo hou e pili ana i kekahi i kekahi a pehea e hoʻokō ai i nā pono o kekahi. He mea kōkua nui kēia mea hana i ka hoʻihoʻi ʻana i kahi ʻano o ke aloha a me "we-ness," ʻo ia ke kumu o ka male ikaika.