Anter
"Hiki iā kāua ke kamaʻilio?" He ʻōlelo kamaʻāina kēia i waena o nā kāne. He mea nui ke kamaʻilio ʻana i kekahi pilina, inā ma ka home a me kahi hana, akā i mea e hiki ai i ke kamaʻilio ke hana i kāna hana o ka hoʻomaʻemaʻe i nā hakakā a me ka hoʻonui ʻana i ka ʻike, pono e kamaʻilio nā kānaka ʻelua.
ʻAʻole pinepine kēlā. ʻO ka manawa pinepine makemake kekahi kanaka e kamaʻilio a makemake kekahi e hōʻole i ka kamaʻilio ʻana. Hāʻawi ka poʻe e hōʻole i ka kamaʻilio ʻana i nā kumu no ke kamaʻilio ʻole: ʻaʻohe o lākou manawa, ʻaʻole lākou i manaʻo e kōkua ia; manaʻo lākou makemake wale kā lākou mau kāne a wahine paha e kamaʻilio e hiki ai iā lākou ke kāohi iā lākou; ʻike lākou i ka makemake o kā lākou wahine e kamaʻilio e like me ka nagging a i ʻole kekahi koi neurotic no ka nānā.
No ke aha e kamaʻilio ʻole ai ka poʻe?
I kekahi manawa ʻo ka poʻe e kamaʻilio ʻole he poʻe hana hana i manaʻoʻiʻo i ka hana, ʻaʻole kamaʻilio, a lilo ko lākou ola āpau i ka hana a hana ʻana i nā papahana ʻē aʻe. I kekahi manawa, huhū lākou a ke kāohi nei no ka mea ke hāpai lākou i ka ukiuki i kā lākou hoa. I kekahi manawa ua ʻae lākou e kamaʻilio akā ke hele nei i nā ʻano e hōʻoluʻolu i kā lākou mau hoa; no laila ʻaʻole holomua maoli.
Eia naʻe, ʻo ke kumu nui o ka poʻe makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio ʻaʻole makemake lākou e haʻalele i ka pololei.
Ua ʻōlelo ʻo Confucius,
"Ua huakaʻi wau i kahi lōʻihi a ākea, a ʻaʻole naʻe wau e ʻike i kahi kāne i hiki ke hoʻihoʻi i ka hoʻokolokolo iā ia iho."
Me he mea lā e makemake ana ka hapanui o ka poʻe e ʻike i nā mea i ko lākou ala, a ʻaʻole hoihoi lākou i kekahi kamaʻilio e hopena ai i ka haʻalele ʻana i kā lākou manaʻo nui. Makemake wale lākou i ka lanakila ʻana ʻaʻole ma ka hāʻawi a me ka lawe o ke kamaʻilio maoli maoli.
ʻAʻole wale kēia o nā hoa makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio.
ʻO nā hoa makemake e kamaʻilio e hoihoi wale i ka hoʻohuli i kā lākou mea nui ʻē aʻe he pololei, i ke ʻano o ke kūkā kamaʻilio "hāmama".
Hiki i kēia ke lilo i kumu hou aʻe no ka makemake ʻole o kā lākou hoa e kamaʻilio. I kēia hihia, ʻo ka hoa makemake e kamaʻilio e hoʻoleʻaleʻa wale ana akā ʻo ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ʻaʻole makemake e kamaʻilio (komo i kahi kamaʻilio kūkulu) i nā mea āpau. ʻO ka laina lalo, ʻo ke kanaka makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio, ʻo ia paha ka mea hōʻole e kamaʻilio a i ʻole ke kanaka e hoʻokohukohu e makemake e kamaʻilio.
ʻElua ʻano o kēia pilikia:
(1) e ʻike nei i ke kanaka makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio,
(2) e kiʻi i kēlā kanaka e kamaʻilio.
ʻO ka ʻaoʻao mua ka paʻakikī loa. I mea e ʻike ai i ke kanaka makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio me ʻoe; pono ʻoe e mākaukau e nānā pono iā ʻoe iho. Inā, ʻo kahi laʻana, ʻo ʻoe ke kanaka e makemake e kamaʻilio, e paʻakikī iā ʻoe e hoʻomaopopo ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻonāukiuki maoli e kamaʻilio e ʻike i kāu hoa i kou manaʻo a hoʻolohe i kāu mau koi e pili ana i ka loli kāna hana.
Inā ʻo ʻoe ke kanaka e hōʻole mau i ka kamaʻilio ʻana, he paʻakikī ia iā ʻoe e hāʻawi i kāu mau kala. E noʻonoʻo ʻoe i kāu mau kumu no ke kamaʻilio ʻole ʻana he kūpono loa ia a makemake ʻole ʻoe e noʻonoʻo e nānā iā lākou.
"I kēlā me kēia manawa a mākou e kamaʻilio ai, alakaʻi wale ia i kahi paio?" e ʻōlelo ʻoe, a i ʻole, "ʻAʻohe oʻu manawa no kēia!" a i ʻole, "Makemake ʻoe e hōʻino i nā mea āpau iaʻu a koi iaʻu e loli."
E nānā pono iā ʻoe iho
Pono kēia i ka wiwo ʻole ma mua o ka lele ʻana mai kahi ahi e ʻā ana. ʻO ia no ka mea ke lele ʻoe i loko o kahi ahi e ʻā ana, ʻike ʻoe i ka mea e pili ana, akā i ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e nānā pono iā ʻoe iho, ua kūʻē ʻoe i kou maka ponoʻī ʻole. Manaʻo ʻoe ke nānā pono nei ʻoe iā ʻoe iho a maopopo iā ʻoe he aha ka mea.
ʻO Freud ka psychologist mua e hōʻike i ka hapanui o ko mākou naʻau noʻonoʻo ʻole. No laila ke hoʻomaopopo nei i ka mea unconscious ʻo ia ka ʻāpana paʻakikī o ka nānā pono ʻana iā ʻoe iho.
Pēlā nō, ʻo ka poʻe hōʻole e kamaʻilio e pono nō ke nānā pono iā lākou iho. No laila no kēlā me kēia hoa, ka mea hōʻole e kamaʻilio a me ka mea e hoʻohālike e makemake e kamaʻilio, pono i nā mea ʻelua e hana i kēlā hana mua i ka ʻike inā makemake maoli lākou e kamaʻilio a no ke kumu a lākou e makemake ʻole ai e kamaʻilio.
Inā ʻo ʻoe ka hoa makemake e kamaʻilio a ua ʻimi lōʻihi i kahi ala e kamaʻilio ai kāu hoa, ʻo ka hana mua a laila e nānā iā ʻoe iho. He aha kāu e hana nei i mea e ʻōlelo ʻole ai ʻo ia? ʻO ke ala ʻoi loa e kiʻi aku ai i kekahi e kamaʻilio nāna makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio e hoʻomaka me ka lawe ʻana i ke kuleana no kāu kuleana ponoʻī i kēia mea.
"Manaʻo wau ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e kamaʻilio no ka mea manaʻo ʻoe e hana wale wau i nā hoʻopiʻi a koi paha inā kamaʻilio mākou," e ʻōlelo paha ʻoe. Ke hōʻike nei ʻoe i ke aloha a no laila e hōʻike paha ʻoe i kahi ʻano me kahi kanaka ʻē aʻe.
Inā ʻo ʻoe ke kanaka hōʻole e kamaʻilio, hoʻāʻo paha ʻoe i kahi taktika like. Ke ʻōlelo aʻe kāu hoa, "E kamaʻilio kāua," hiki iā ʻoe ke pane, "makaʻu wau e kamaʻilio. Makau paha wau e haʻalele wau i ka pololei. ” A i ʻole ʻōlelo paha ʻoe, "Maopopo iaʻu ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻolohe iā ʻoe, akā makaʻu wau e kamaʻilio no ka mea i ka wā ma mua ua ʻike wau iā ʻoe e makemake ana e hōʻoia he pololei a hewa wau."
He mea nui ka huaʻōlelo "ʻike" ma aneʻi no ka mea mālama ia i ke kamaʻilio kūkā a hāʻawi iā ia iho e kamaʻilio hou. Inā ʻoe i ʻōlelo, makaʻu wau i ke kamaʻilio ʻana no ka mea ma mua e makemake ʻoe e hōʻoiaʻiʻo iaʻu he hewa a pololei ʻoe. " I kēia manawa ua ʻike ʻia ka ʻōlelo e like me ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana a ʻaʻole ia i alakaʻi i ke kamaʻilio a me ka hoʻonā ʻana.
I mea e kamaʻilio ai i ka mea makemake ʻole e kamaʻilio, pono ʻoe e kamaʻilio mua ma ke ʻano āu e makemake ʻole ai e kamaʻilio - empathize ia me kāu hoa ma mua o ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e hoʻopōlele. I mea e hoʻōki ai i ka hoʻomeamea kamaʻilio ʻana, pono ʻoe e empathize me kēlā hoa a hōʻike i ka manaʻo e hāʻawi a lawe.
ʻAe, paʻakikī. Akā ʻaʻohe mea i ʻōlelo he maʻalahi ka pilina.