ʻO Jo Nicholl kahi Kahu pilina a me Psychotherapist e hana nei me nā kānaka a me nā kāne no 25 mau makahiki i hala aku nei a kōkua iā lākou e hana i kahi male hauʻoli a i ʻole ka pilina a lākou e ʻimi nei.
Eia kekahi mau ʻōlelo mai kāna nīnauele me Marriage.com, kahi e hoʻomālamalama ai ʻo ia iā ia 'ʻO Podcast Maps Aloha' moʻo a hāʻawi i nā manaʻo kōkua e pili ana i ke ʻano o ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa e kōkua ai i ka poʻe i ke aʻo ʻana i ka hoʻonā hakakā a me nā mākau kamaʻilio o ka wahine e loaʻa ai ke ola aloha a lākou e makemake ai a hana i kahi male hauʻoli.
- Marriage.com: He aha ka manaʻo ma hope o ke kaʻina podcast o ka Love Maps?
Jo: ʻO ka manaʻo ma hope o ke aloha aloha Podcast e hāʻawi i nā mākau pilina a me nā ʻike noʻonoʻo no ka poʻe e hoihoi i ka pehea e loaʻa ai ke ola aloha a lākou e makemake nui ai.
ʻIke wau i loko o nā makahiki he nui o ka hana pū ʻana me nā kāne a me nā kānaka ʻaʻole aʻo ʻia ka poʻe pehea e noho ai i kahi pilina, a ʻo ka mea a mākou e makemake ai mai kahi pilina he ʻokoʻa loa ia mai ka mea a kā mākou mau mākua i makemake ai a i manaʻo ai paha.
ʻAʻole aʻo ʻia kekahi o mākou i ka mea e mālama ai i ka pilina olakino a e noho i ke aloha. I kēlā me kēia māhele o Love Maps, kamaʻilio wau me nā mea hoʻoponopono ʻē aʻe a me ka poʻe e ʻimi nui nei i ka honua o nā pilina e hāʻawi i ka mea hoʻolohe i nā ʻike a me nā pono hana no ka manuahi.
- Marriage.com: Wahi a ʻoe, ʻaʻole ke kumu o ka hoʻoponopono e hoʻonā i nā pilikia akā haʻalele iā lākou. Pehea ʻoe e hōʻoia ai i kēlā?
Jo: ʻO ka wehe ʻana i nā pilikia ke kaʻina hana o ka wehe ʻana, me ka mea kūʻai aku, kā lākou mau hiʻohiʻona maikaʻi ʻole o ke kamaʻilio ʻana, kā lākou moʻolelo e pili ana i nā pilikia, a ma hea a me ke kumu i ala mai ai nā pilikia.
- Marriage.com: i kou ʻike ma mua o 25 mau makahiki ma ke ʻano he Kaʻina Pili a me ka Psychotherapist, he aha nā pilikia pili pilina āu i ʻike ai he hopena ia o nā pilikia psychological.
Jo: Ka makaʻu o ka nāwaliwali
Nā pilikia pili iā ʻoe iho
Ka makaʻu i ka hakakā
Nā palena maikaʻi ʻole
- Marriage.com: He ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo maʻamau ia e pono ai i kahi kanaka a mau kāne paha e uhaʻi i nā kumu maikaʻi ʻole no kahi pilina e ulu pono ai, a heluhelu pū nō hoʻi mākou i nā ala e hana ai. Akā pehea e ʻike ai kekahi i kēlā ʻano hiʻohiʻona?
Jo: Ma ka nānā ʻana pehea e hoʻoponopono ai i kahi paio a me nā ʻokoʻa; a he aha nā hoʻolālā ola a lākou e hoʻohana ai e pale aku i nā manaʻo o ka nāwaliwali, e laʻa me ka hoʻōho ʻana; humuhumu; huki hope; e hoʻopio.
E nīnau e pili ana i ko lākou manaʻo e pili ana i kā lākou ola wahine.
- Marriage.com: He aha nā mea nui e kūkākūkā ma mua o ka male ʻana e hoʻonohonoho i ke kumu kūpono no ka pilina hauʻoli?
Jo: He aha ka manaʻo o ka male a pehea lākou i aʻo ai i ka ulu ʻana e pili ana i ka manaʻo
He aha ke ʻano o ka loaʻa ʻana o nā keiki
Ke koʻikoʻi o ka ʻohana a me nā manaʻo a puni ko lākou ʻohana ponoʻī
ʻO ka mea nui o ka mālama pilina a me ke ʻano o kēlā
Pehea ko lākou manaʻo e pili ana i ka monogamy
Pehea lākou e ʻoluʻolu ai a kamaʻilio ai a puni kā lākou moekolohe
- Marriage.com: Pehea ka nui o ke kuleana o ke kanaka i hala i kā lākou launa pū ʻana me kāna kāne?
Jo: He kuleana nui: "E hōʻike mai iaʻu pehea ʻoe i aloha ai, a naʻu e hōʻike iā ʻoe i kou aloha."
ʻO ka manamana lima o ko mākou wā kamaliʻi ma o ke ala a mākou e pane ai a pane i kā mākou pili pili.
Hoʻohui ʻia ke kaila hoʻopili ma waena o ke keiki a ʻo ia ka mea mālama mua i nā pilina makua a me kā mākou koho o ka hoa.
E nānā mākou me ka makaʻu ʻole, e hoʻohālikelike i ke ala a mākou i aloha ai i ko mākou wā kamaliʻi i ka wā makua.
Ma kēia leo e ʻimi me Psychotherapist Penny Marr pehea ka hopena o kā mākou i hala i ke ala a mākou e aloha ai a pehea e hiki ai iā mākou ke haki i nā kumu maikaʻi ʻole.
- Marriage.com E lilo anei kēia kūlana laka i mea hana nui loa no nā kāne he nui? Nui nā mea e hana nei i ka naʻau; pehea e hiki ai i nā kāne a pau ke kūpale me ia?
Jo: ʻAe, ʻo ka lockdown ka mea haʻihaʻi hope loa no kekahi mau kāne i hoʻohana paha i ka mamao ma ke ʻano he mālama i ka pilina a alo ʻole i ko lākou makaʻu i ka pili a me nā pilikia i loko o ka pilina, e laʻa me ka hana i nā hola lōʻihi, ka huakaʻi, ka launa pū ʻana.
Hiki i nā kāne ke pale i ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana a me ke kūkulu ʻana. ʻIke ʻia nā papa kuhikuhi e kākoʻo i ke kaohi o ka ʻōnaehana ʻōnaehana a no laila, e hoʻēmi i ka hopohopo.
Ke ʻimi nei i nā ala e hana ai i nā palena o ke kino (workspace a me ka 'home' space) a, inā hiki, kahi manawa no ka pilina inā manaʻo ʻole ia he hoʻoweliweli.
- Marriage.com: haʻi ʻia mākou ʻaʻole pono e hoʻāʻo e hoʻololi i ke kanaka a mākou e aloha ai a ʻo ka mea e pono ai nā kāne male e ulu nui e hoʻomohala i ka ʻike, ke kamaʻilio a maikaʻi ʻole. ʻAʻole ia he mea hoʻohenehene? He aha kou mau manaʻo e pili ana i kēia?
Jo: Inā makemake mākou e ulu ka pilina, pono mākou e nīnau iā mākou iho pehea, no ke aha, a laila he aha kaʻu e hana ai?
Ke hoʻomaopopo nei iā mākou iho, e lawe ana i ke kuleana no kā mākou hana ponoʻī, nā hopena, a me ka hopena o kā mākou pono, kahi hana i ka lawe ʻana i kā mākou hoa i kahi kahi a lākou e ʻike ai i ko lākou makemake ponoʻī e hoʻohuli i kā lākou hana.
Inā kū kekahi i kahi / e ʻike i nā kumu maikaʻi ʻole o ke kamaʻilio ʻana, hiki iā ia ke loaʻa kahi hopena ʻano ʻē i ka pilina.
Inā mākou e hōʻike i ko mākou manaʻo e lawe i ke kuleana ma o ka ʻike pilikino ʻana a me ke aloha no mākou iho, a laila manaʻo ʻoi aku ka palekana o kā mākou hoa a ʻoi aku ka hoʻoulu e neʻe pū kekahi.
I kēia podcast, e aʻo i ke kumu o ka moekolohe ʻole a mākou e makemake ai a pehea e loaʻa ai iā ia ma o ka kamaʻilio maikaʻi ʻana.
E ʻike i kēia wahi ma InstagramEpisode 4 - KOMO MANAʻO maikaʻi, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi. Ma kēia māhele e kamaʻilio ana mākou me ka pilina pilina a me ka mea kākau o 'Sex, Love and The Dangers of Intimacy' Helena Lovendal. ʻImi mākou i ke kumu o ka loaʻa ʻole o ka moekolohe a mākou e makemake ai a pehea e loaʻa ai. E hoʻolohe i nā ʻelima mua o ke Kau 1 a kau inoa no nā mea hou ma o ka loulou i kā mākou bio.
Kākau ʻia e Love Maps (@lovemapspodcast) ma
- Marriage.com: He aha ka pilikia pili pilikia loa āu e kōkua ai i kahi kāne e hoʻonā i kēia manawa?
Jo: Kaukaʻi-pili, kahi e hoʻohana ʻia ai ka hōʻino naʻau e kaohi ai i ka makaʻu.
- Marriage.com: He aha ka mea e manaʻo ai i kahi kāne a ʻaʻole loa e manaʻo ʻia mai kahi kau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo?
Jo: E manaʻo kekahi mau:
- E hoʻolohe ʻia ai
- E maopopo maikaʻi ai i nā pilikia
- Kahi palekana
ʻAʻole manaʻo kahi mau:
- E hoʻoponopono ʻia
- E hoʻokolokolo ʻia
- ʻO Bias
- Marriage.com: He aha nā manaʻo kuhihewa maʻamau a nā kāne e pili ana i ka manaʻo o ka male hauʻoli?
Jo:
- ʻAʻole koi ka male hauʻoli i ka nānā maʻamau.
- Kūleʻa kēlā kāne
- E lawe pū kēlā keiki i ka wahine
- ʻO ka hakakā ʻole ka hōʻailona maikaʻi
- Marriage.com: He aha nā ala maʻalahi e loaʻa ai ka male hauʻoli a i ʻole mālama i kahi male?
Jo: E loaʻa i kahi male hauʻoli a i ʻole mālama i kahi male
- Hōʻike i ka manawa no ka pilina
- E hoʻolālā i ka manawa e hoʻolohe ai kekahi i kekahi
- Ke ʻae / ʻapo ʻana i nā ʻokoʻa
- Lawe i ke kuleana no ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā hopena
- Ke kamaʻilio ʻoluʻolu nei a me ka pane ʻana i kekahi i kekahi ma ke ʻano e hōʻike i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o ke kanaka āu e kamaʻilio nei ʻo ia ke kanaka āu e makemake ai e noho no kahi manawa lōʻihi.
- Mālama kekahi i kekahi me ka mahalo i ka nui o ka poʻe e mālama ai no nā mea kūʻai aku / hana nui like ʻole.
- Ma mua o kou pane ʻana, e lawe i nā hanu he 3, a laila e pane paha ʻoe mai kahi ʻāpana i hoʻoponopono ʻia, ʻelemakule o kou lolo.
Ke hōʻike nei i nā ala maʻalahi a maikaʻi hoʻi, hōʻike ʻo Jo i ke kumu e hōʻole ʻole ai nā kāne a me kahi e hiki ai iā lākou ke loaʻa ke aloha a lākou e makemake ai. Hōʻike pū ʻo Jo i kekahi mau ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo kōkua maikaʻi a hauʻoli hoʻi i hiki ke hōʻoia he maikaʻi no kēlā me kēia kāne a mau kāne paha e pono ai ke alakaʻi.