"Ke hauʻoli ʻole ʻoe, ʻoluʻolu ʻole wau."
Kamaʻāina paha kēia ʻōlelo? Minamina, pili nā kāne he nui i ka male codependent i kekahi i kekahi mai kēia manaʻo a i ʻole hoʻohiki paha.
Aia ʻoe i loko o ka male codependent a pilina paha?
I ka male codependent ʻaʻole ia he mea maʻamau ka loaʻa ʻole o ke olakino maikaʻi ʻole, ʻano addict i ka pilina.
He pilikia paha kēia?
ʻAʻole hauʻoli ka hauʻoli a me ka ʻeha like ʻana ke kumu nui o ke aloha maoli?
Kohu mea lā, manaʻo nui ka poʻe he poʻe lākou. No laila, ʻo kā lākou ala e hōʻike ai i ke aloha i
e lawe i ka manaʻo o kā lākou hoa, ʻo ia hoʻi nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole o ka hoa. ʻO ka pinepine, aia kēia mau manaʻo i ke ʻano o ke koʻikoʻi, hopohopo a me ke kaumaha.
Maopopo ka makemakika o kēia: inā lawe ka ʻaoʻao ʻelua i ka manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole o kā lāua hoa, ʻoluʻolu ʻole nā hoa ʻelua i ka hapanui o ka manawa, a i ʻole ma ka liʻiliʻi o ka manawa ma mua o kā lākou iho.
No laila, inā aia kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona o ka codependency i kāu pilina, e noho pū me mākou, ke hāʻawi nei mākou i nā ʻike kūpono i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kahi pilina olakino, hilinaʻi ʻole ʻia a me nā ʻōlelo aʻo e pili ana i ka pehea e lanakila ai i ka codependency i loko o ka male codependent a pilina paha.
Wahi a Wikipedia, ʻo Codependency kahi ʻano lawena i kahi pilina kahi Hāʻawi kahi kanaka i ka mea ʻāpiki a kekahi, ke olakino noʻonoʻo maikaʻi ʻole, immaturity, irresponsibility, a i ʻole under-prestasi.
Aia ma waena o nā ʻōkuhi codependency kumu ka hilinaʻi nui i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe no ka ʻae a me ke ʻano o ka ʻike.
Hoʻohana nui ʻia paha ka huaʻōlelo ʻo Codependency, a hoʻāla pinepine ia i ka hilahila ma mua o ke kōkua i ka hoʻonā ʻana i kekahi mea.
E nānā pū kekahi:
Makemake wau e kuhikuhi i ka lawe ʻana i ka manaʻo leʻaleʻa o kahi hoa, hiki iā lākou ke hōʻole i ko lākou mau manaʻo a noho i kahi ʻano maikaʻi ʻole, e like me ka ʻōlelo a Wikipedia i wehewehe ai.
ʻO kekahi o nā mea ke aloha
I loko o kāna puke ʻo Ke Aloha ʻOiaʻiʻo, wehewehe ʻo Thick Nhat Hahn i nā mea nui ʻehā o ka ʻoiaʻiʻo
aloha A i ʻole i kāna mau huaʻōlelo, ka hiki ke ʻōlelo i kekahi mea e like me: "E kahi mea aloha, ʻike wau i ka ʻehaʻeha a aia wau ma laila no ʻoe." He mea kōkua ia a hoʻōla hoʻi, akā ʻaʻole ia e hōʻike i ka ʻaoʻao aloha e lawe i ka ʻeha.
Aka, ʻae lākou e noho pū me kā lākou mea aloha ʻehaʻeha, ʻaʻole e nalo i loko o ka ʻeha a ka hoa a e hoʻopio ʻia e ia.
ʻO ke ʻano maoli o ka 'aloha' e ʻeha pū. Akā e like me kā Hahn e ʻōlelo ai, ʻaʻole pono kekahi e ʻeha i mea e hōʻoluʻolu ai i ka ʻeha o kekahi.
Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē, pono i kahi pae o ka hoʻokaʻawale i mea e loaʻa ai i kahi ʻeha o haʻi.
No nā hoa / s i ka male codependent, he mea nui e hoʻomaopopo inā makemake kekahi e hoʻāʻo e hōʻoluʻolu i ka ʻeha o kāna hoa, pono ma waho o kekahi.
E hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka equanimity i nā pilina e hoʻihoʻi i ka mālie
ʻElua ʻano ʻē aʻe o ke aloha i ʻōlelo ʻia i loko o kēlā puke ʻo Joy: Pono ke ʻoliʻoli maoli a me ka leʻaleʻa i ka hapa nui o ka manawa.
A ʻo Equanimity, ka mea a Hahn e wehewehe nei ma ke ʻano he hiki ke ʻike i ka mea aloha he kaʻawale. ʻO kekahi e hiki ke hoʻokokoke a lōʻihi.
ʻO kekahi me ka mea e mahele nui i kekahi manawa, a i kahi manawa ʻokoʻa e lilo i mamao. ʻO kēia ke kūlike ʻole o ka codependency, kahi e pili mau ai nā hoa.
E aʻo nā keiki i nā mākau i ka hoʻokele ʻana i ke kaulike o ka hoʻokaʻawale a me ka hui pū ʻana ma kahi o ka makahiki ʻekolu.
Paʻa ke keiki iā māmā, a laila hele e pāʻani iā lākou iho no kekahi manawa, a laila hoʻi iā māmā no kekahi mau minuke a pēlā aku.
Ke hele mālie nei ka mamao ma waena o ka makuahine a me ke keiki a hoʻolōʻihi ʻia nā manawa. I ke kaʻina hana, aʻo ke keiki i ke akamai o ka pili ʻana i kekahi mea ʻē aʻe mai ke ʻano o kahi kaʻawale. I ka Psychological lingo i kapa ʻia ai kēia ʻo "Object Constancy."
Aʻo ke keiki e paulele i ka noho 'ana o ka makuahine ma laila a hiki i ka manawa e pili ai,' aʻole 'o ia ma kahi kokoke a ma waho paha o ka maka.
ʻO ka hapa nui o ka poʻe ʻaʻole i kahi wā kamaliʻi kūpono kahi e hiki ai iā lākou ke aʻo i kēlā ʻano hilinaʻi. Manaʻo wau ʻo Milton Erickson ka mea nāna i ʻōlelo: "ʻAʻole lohi loa ka loaʻa ʻana o kahi wā kamaliʻi maikaʻi," akā ʻaʻole i loaʻa iaʻu kahi hōʻike lawa.
I ka male codependent, hoʻoliʻiliʻi ka hilinaʻi a me ka hilinaʻi. Eia nō naʻe, i loko o kahi pilina olakino e aʻo nei i ka hilinaʻi i kahi hoa ma kahi hohonu e hiki ai ke hoʻonui i ka pilina.
Hiki ke kūkulu lohi i ka hilinaʻi
Na hana hoʻohiki liʻiliʻi a mālama ʻana. Heʻuʻuku kēia mau hoʻohiki e like me "E hoʻi wau i ka hale no ka ʻaina awakea ma ka manawa ʻehiku" a i ʻole "ma hope o koʻu ʻauʻau makemake wau e noho pū me ʻoe e hoʻolohe i kou lā."
Pono nā hoa ʻelua e hoʻohiki a lawe i ka makaʻu o ka hilinaʻi i nā hoʻohiki a haʻi.
Ke mālama ʻole kahi hoa i kahi hoʻohiki, no ka mea hiki ʻole ke ʻike ʻia i kekahi manawa, pono e kamaʻilio e pili ana. ʻO ke kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i ke kala ʻana no ka hemahema ma kekahi ʻaoʻao, a me ka makemake e manaʻoʻiʻo ʻaʻole i kūleʻa ka hana ʻole.
Ke aʻo nei e kala aku. ʻAʻole maʻalahi kēia a lawe i ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa.
Inā ʻaʻole hiki ke kamaʻilio pēlā, hōʻiliʻili ʻia nā waihona a hiki i ke anuanu, ka mamao a me kahi pilikia i ka pilina, e hōʻino ana i nā mea ma ka male codependent.
Ke ʻike ʻoe i kāu hoa i kahi ʻano maikaʻi ʻole, ʻo ka hana mua e hana i kahi manawa e makaʻala iā ia a noʻonoʻo paha i ke aʻa a me ke kumu.
- ʻAʻole maikaʻi ke olakino?
- Ua hoʻohoka paha kekahi mea iā lākou?
- Hoʻoluhi ʻia lākou e pili ana i kekahi hanana e hiki mai ana?
ʻO kēlā me kēia, e hoʻāʻo e lawe ʻole iā ia iho e like me ka maʻa mau i ka male codependent, huli pinepine kahi hoa i ka nānā ʻana i ke ana.
ʻAʻole hewa kou naʻau, ʻaʻole hoʻi i kāu kuleana
Hiki ke lilo i mea maikaʻi e hōʻoia iā ʻoe iho ʻaʻole ʻoe i kahi ʻano maikaʻi ʻole. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke kōkua.
E haʻi i kāu pakanā ua ʻike ʻoe ʻaʻole maikaʻi lākou. E nīnau inā makemake lākou i kīʻaha kī a i ʻole ʻānai i hope a kamaʻilio pū me ʻoe. Hiki iā ʻoe ke koho mālie i nā mea e hoʻonāukiuki iā lākou: "He maʻi poʻo kou?" "Ua hopohopo paha ʻoe no ia?"
E hoʻāʻo e maopopo he mau nīnau maoli kēia a ʻaʻole nā ʻōlelo, no ka mea maopopo, ʻaʻole maopopo iā ʻoe ke kumu o ko lākou manaʻo. ʻO nā kōkua āu e hāʻawi ai, e hoʻāʻo e hana me ka manuahi a me ka makemake ʻole, i kūkulu ʻole ʻia ai ka inaina ma hope.
E mākaukau e hoʻolohe i nā ʻae ʻae a me ka ʻole
ʻO kekahi o nā hōʻailona pono ʻole o ka codependency ka mea e pono ai ʻoe e hānai, a pale i kāu hoa 24/7.
I mea e pakele ai i ka hale paʻahao o kahi male codependent, he mea pono no ka hoa e hoʻopau i ka hoʻolilo ʻana i ko lākou ikaika i ka hoʻokō ʻana i nā pono o kā lākou hoa.
Mākaukau e ʻae i kāu hāʻawi ʻana i ke kōkua ʻaʻole kōkua a ʻaʻole paha e hoʻololi i ka naʻau o kāu hoa.
E hoʻāʻo e kaupalena i kāu pili i nā nīnau, nā nānā kūlike ʻole a me nā hāʻawi o ke kōkua. Inā hāʻawi ʻoe i kahi manaʻo, e maʻalahi a mākaukau e kū ma hope o ka hōʻole ʻia o ka mea mua.
E hoʻomanaʻo, ʻaʻole kāu hana ia e "hoʻoponopono" i ke ʻano o kāu hoa.
Ma ka hala ʻana o ka manawa, ʻo ia ʻano hana e lawe i ka hauʻoli hou aʻe i kāu pilina a hoʻololi i kahi male codependent i kahi hui olakino.
ʻO ke kaʻina o ka neʻe ʻana a kokoke i kahi kaʻawale e lilo i kūlohelohe e like me ka hanu ʻana, a me ka mahalo e hele pū me kēlā me kēia manawa o ka hui ʻana a kokoke, me ka laki o ka loaʻa ʻana o kēia kanaka i kou ola.
ʻO Rumi's mele Bird Wings kahi wehewehe nui loa o kēlā neʻe ma waena o ka pilina a me ka mamao, ka wehe a me ka manawa pilikino pilikino wale nō.
Manu manu
ʻO kou kanikau no ka mea āu i nalo e paʻa i ke aniani i luna
I kahi āu e hana nei me ka wiwo ʻole.
Ke manaʻo nei i ka mea maikaʻi ʻole, nānā ʻoe a ma kahi,
Eia ka helehelena hauʻoli āu e makemake nei e ʻike.
Wehe a pani ʻia kou lima
A wehe a pani.
Inā he mua mau kēlā
A i ʻole hāmama mau,
E lolo ʻoe.
Aia kou alo hohonu i kēlā me kēia liʻiliʻi
Ke kuʻikahi a me ka hoʻonui ʻana- ʻO nā mea ʻelua e like me ke kaulike nani a me ka hoʻohui ʻana
E like me nā ʻēheu manu.