Anter
- Ka mea nui o ka pilina pili i ka naʻau
- "Makemake wau e kamaʻilio hou kaʻu hoa me aʻu."
- Pehea e hoʻomohala ʻia ai nā hana naʻau
- He aha ke alakaʻi ʻana i ka pōhaku
- Ke hoʻohana nei i ka kamaʻilio maikaʻi
ʻO ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā pono e pili ana i ka pilina ma ke ola o kahi pilina kahi hopena pololei o nā loli maʻamau o ke ola, e like me nā koi o kahi ʻoihana, hānai ʻana i nā keiki, a i ʻole ka hōʻino kino. ʻAneʻane wau e hōʻoia aku iā ʻoe, inā ʻoe e noi i kahi makuahine hou e koho ma waena o kāna kāne e hana ana i nā kīʻaha a i ʻole e hāʻawi ana kāna hoa iā ia i kahi pō poina ʻole o ka moekolohe, pinepine ʻo ia e koho i nā pā. No ke aha mai? Ma muli o ka lilo ʻana i hoa pilikino a halihali kekahi i kekahi ma o nā manawa paʻakikī o ka pilina ke kahua o ka pili aloha maoli.
Ka mea nui o ka pilina pili i ka naʻau
ʻAe, ʻo ka pili kino e hiki ke hoʻokō ʻia ma o ka moekolohe wale nō kahi ʻāpana kūikawā o ka pili aloha, akā me ka ʻole o ka pilina o ke ʻano, he moe kolohe wale nō ia ma mua o kahi hana o ke aloha.
Hele mai nā kāne he nui iaʻu me nā hoʻopiʻi e pili ana i ka pili aloha ʻole i kā lākou pili. Ma ka ʻili, kuhi koke paha kekahi e pili ana lākou i kā lākou moekolohe. Eia nō naʻe, ke nīnau wau iā lākou e haʻi mai iaʻu i kā lākou manaʻo maikaʻi no ka pili aloha, ʻaneʻane pinepine lākou e haʻi iaʻu i ka mea like.
"Makemake wau e kamaʻilio hou kaʻu hoa me aʻu."
I ka hoʻomaka, pili nā pilina i nā butterflies a me nā ahi ahi, me ka pīhoihoi a me ke kūkulu ʻana o kēlā me kēia hui ʻana me kāu hoa e like me nā hana o kāu puke romance o kēia lā. Ma hope o ka manawa, hoʻololi ka wehewehe o ka "intimacy" no ka hapa nui o nā kāne. Manaʻo pinepine nā kāne i ka pinepine o ka moekolohe e hoʻoholo i ka pae o ka pili aloha me kā lākou hoa. Hoʻohālikelike lākou i ko lākou kūlana pili i kēia manawa i ka poʻe o nā hoa a kapa ʻia nā averika o ka lāhui a nīnau pinepine inā loaʻa iā lākou ka pili aloha me kā lākou hoa, me ka nānā ʻole inā e loaʻa nā pilikia ʻē aʻe i loko o ka pilina i hōʻailona paha no ka hana ʻole.
Pehea e hoʻomohala ʻia ai nā hana naʻau
ʻO kahi laʻana, halawai nā kāne i kekahi manawa i nā kūlana kahi e loaʻa ai i kahi hoa i ka mea i kapa ʻia he "ʻano manaʻo" me kekahi ma waho o ka male. ʻAʻole pili ka moekolohe, ka mahele wale ʻana i nā manaʻo a me nā ʻike i kēlā me kēia lā. Eia nō naʻe, hiki i ka hoa i ʻike i kēia ʻano moekolohe ʻole i kā lāua pilina ke ʻano like me ka luku ʻia me he mea lā ua hana kolohe kā lāua hoa me kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe.
Hōʻike ka ʻAmelika Psychological Association ʻo ke kamaʻilio kahi ʻāpana nui o nā pilina olakino. E pili ana i ka pili aloha, ʻaʻole wale ka mea nui e kūkākūkā i nā pono a me nā makemake o ke kino, akā he mea nui e kamaʻilio ākea e pili ana i ka mea e hana ʻole ana i ka male, a i ʻole ka mea a ka hoa e makemake ai e ʻike hou aʻe i kā lāua pili.
Ma ke ʻano he mau makahiki o nā kāne, lilo kēia i mea nui aʻe. ʻO kahi laʻana, hoʻomaka paha kahi hoa kāne e ʻike i ka ʻelemakule maʻamau i hiki ʻole iā ia ke hana i ka moekolohe ma ke ʻano i hiki ai iā ia, akā inā ʻaʻole ia e kaʻana like i kēia me kāna hoa, waiho ka hoa e noʻonoʻo paha e lilo i mea e pili ana iā lākou i kumu e hoihoi ʻole ai kā lākou hoa iā lākou, a i ʻole pili pili paha paha kā lākou hoa iā haʻi.
E noʻonoʻo hou i kēlā "makuahine hou" i haʻi ʻia ma mua. Malia paha makemake ʻo ia i kāna hoa e ʻoi aku ka eleu i ka mālama ʻana i ka home ʻoiai ʻo ia e aʻo ana pehea e juggle ai i kāna mau kuleana hou, akā ma kahi o ke kamaʻilio ʻana i kēia, ua paʻa ʻo ia i kona huhū a me ka huhū, me ka manaʻo e ʻike kāna hoa i kāna mea e pono ai. e noʻonoʻo pono i ka kaʻana like ʻana i nā kuleana o ka home a me ka ʻohana. Manaʻo pinepine nā hoa e ʻike ʻē aʻe kekahi pehea e ʻoluʻolu ai iā lākou, a huhū huhū ke hoʻokō ʻole ʻia kēlā mau mea i manaʻo ʻia.
He aha ke alakaʻi ʻana i ka pōhaku
ʻO John Gottman, polopeka emeritus mai ke Kulanui o Wakinekona, ke hoʻopaʻa haʻawina nei i nā pilina pili i nā makahiki he kanahā. Hōʻike ʻo ia i ka hapa nui o nā male e ʻeha mai nā ʻano maikaʻi ʻole o ke kamaʻilio ʻana e hopena ai i ka haki o ka pilina. ʻO kahi laʻana, ʻo ka makuahine hou e makemake paha e kōkua hou kāna hoa me ka hale e hoʻoulu i ka hoʻowahāwahā no kāna hoa ma muli o kēia mau pono pono ʻole. Ma ka hopena, huli kēia i ka hoʻopiʻi kūwaho i ka hoa no ka loaʻa ʻole o kāna mau pono i manaʻo ʻia, a laila nā hopena i ka pale ʻana mai ka hoa i haʻalele e haʻohaʻo ana pehea lākou e ʻike ai i ka mea i manaʻo ʻia inā ʻaʻole i kamaʻilio ʻia iā lākou. I ka hala ʻana o ka manawa, ulu kēia i ka mea a Gottman i kapa aku ai he "pōhaku", kahi a nā hoa ʻelua e pau ai ke kamaʻilio ma nā mea āpau ma muli o ka huhū i kūkulu ʻia ma waena o nā mea ʻelua ma muli o nā pono ʻole i haʻi ʻole ʻia.
Ke hoʻohana nei i ka kamaʻilio maikaʻi
Ke hana nei me nā kāne, makemake wau e aʻo iā lākou pehea e hoʻohana ai i ka kamaʻilio maikaʻi, e hōʻike pono ana i kā lākou hopena i makemake ʻia, ma mua o ka hōʻino ʻana i kā lākou ʻike i nā pono kūpono ʻole. Ma kēia ʻano kamaʻilio, haʻi maopopo kekahi hoa i kā lākou makemake i ka hana a kā lākou hoa, me ko lākou manaʻolana no ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i nā wahi ʻē aʻe i hiki ai iā lākou ke ʻike i ka hoʻomaikaʻi o kā lākou hoa hana.
He mea nui ia no ka hoa e loaʻa ana i kēia kamaʻilio e hana hou, i kā lākou ʻōlelo ponoʻī, i ka memo i loaʻa iā lākou mai kā lākou pakanā, i mea e kuʻi koke ai i nā kuhi hewa ʻole ʻole e hōʻino hou paha i ka pilina. ʻO kahi laʻana, e ʻōlelo paha ka makuahine hou i kāna hoa makemake ʻo ia iā ia ke kōkua aku kāna hoa iā ia e hoʻomaʻemaʻe i ka lumi kuke ma hope o ka ʻai ʻana. Lohe paha ka hoa i kēia ma ke ʻano he jab no kona hana ʻole ʻana i kēia i ka wā i hala, a lawe ia mea ma ke ʻano he hoʻohewa ma mua o ka mahalo maoli. I ke kamaʻilio pololei ʻana ua lohe ʻo ia i kēia, hiki i ka makuahine hou ke haʻi hou aku i kona mahalo no ke kōkua i loaʻa iā ia mai kāna hoa, a me ka hauʻoli i loaʻa iā ia ke hana ʻia kēia.
No laila i loko o kahi pōkole, ʻoiai ka pilina o ka moekolohe kahi mea nui o kēlā me kēia pilina, he mea nui ia e mālama i ke kamaʻilio maikaʻi.
I ka hana ʻana pēlā hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomōhala i nā pae o ka pilina ma ke ʻano kūkulu i ke kumu o ka pilina olakino, kahi e aʻo ai a ulu like ai nā hoa ma o ka maikaʻi a me ka maikaʻi ʻole.